Post # 1
So my fiancé and I are having a small wedding, about 60-70 guest. We were each going to have two people up there with us. MOH/BM and bridesmaid/groomsmen. Then we were going to have his sister, who is 16, and my cousin who is 13 do readings. I have been trying to get him to help me for months on planning this wedding and getting his input its always been that’s nice babe, whatever you want. Well now 2 ½ months out he is telling me he wants his sister as a bridesmaid and that she always thought she was going to be one. This was all brought up cause the other day he FINALLY asked her to do a reading, and I guess she mentioned something else about being a bridesmaid and he explained that we were having a small wedding and if we were still having a big one she would of definitely been a bridesmaid, and she would have been. Well she got upset I guess and now he is fighting me on this. I didn’t want the big wedding since we are tight on money I set everything up the way I did so that everyone would be involved and have a part in the wedding, but he just keeps going about her being one, I would feel bad for making her one and then not my cousin. And his sister is a b****. While this isn’t a factor I am not close to her at all, I feel that people up there with me should be people I am closest too and have been there for me, I guess one reason also I am not too keen on asking her is because she shows hardcore favoritism between our twin boys and that drives me insane but he refuses to see it, all my family and friends see it, and say anything to her about it?
Am I out of line for refusing to make her one and keep her and my cousin doing readings? I also planned on doing something just as special for them as my bridesmaids.
Post # 3
I think you should be able to choose your own wedding party. If he wants her up there so badly she should be a groom’s maid. I think the way you tried to include her was very thoughtful. She seems to to think that she is entitled to participate in your wedding; she’s forgotten that it is an honor to be asked to do anything at all.
Post # 4
No, you’re not wrong. You guys have already planned this detail. Keep her for the reading and give her the gift. Leave it at that. I think it’s too close to your date to start making changes especially if you don’t feel close to her.
Post # 5
I think, in most circumstances, the groom’s sister should be a bridesmaid. She is going to become your sister, so even if you are not that close now the wedding may bring you closer together. When you look back at pictures, as long as you are with your Fiance she will be your sister, while even the best of friends may grow apart.
That said, it is your wedding and your bridal party so it is your decision. I think making her a reader was a nice gesture and she should be happy with that.
Post # 6
@soon2bmrsstephan: It is ultimately you and your FI’s wedding and it really doesn’t matter is someone wants to be a bridesmaid or not. Especially if she doesn’t treat your kids well. I agree with the PP that it is an honor to play any role in someone’s wedding! I wouldn’t worry about it and continue with your current plan or like the PP said have her be a groom’s maid.
Post # 7
You can choose who you want for your bridal party. 16 seems too young to be a bridesmaid anyway, especially when you planned on having two.
It’s also only two months out until the wedding and likely too late to order a bridesmaid dress for her.
Post # 8
i dont think your wrong for not wanting her, but my thinking is…would it hurt?
We are having a similar size wedding, I have 3 braidem and my daughter who is 18 is going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor (FI has 3 gromsm)
I am not paying for any of my peeps outfits…so not sure if cost is a factor for you, but in any case, I think its entirely up to you.
If you absolutely cannot stand her being in it, put your foot down, but I can promise you she will probably never let it go LOL, just from my experience, people dont forget that sort of thing.
Post # 9
@soon2bmrsstephan: Aren’t the dresses already ordered (and probably getting altered?!) If he needs a tangible reason why this isn’t doable (men can be like that), then this is it.
Post # 10
thanks for the input ladies. dresses have been ordered, I mean i know his parents would pay for her dress and pay the rush order fee if i was to agree. I could understand his point on her being a bridesmaid if i was having just two random people as my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid, but i’m not i have having my oldest cousin who is more my sister then anything, and a girl that has been my best friend past 9 years. I am really trying to make this work for everyone, and he cant seem to understand i did everything the way i did for a reason.
Post # 11
Would it hurt? Really? Honestly, I would have asked her from the outset.
I am not only having my sister-in-law as bridesmaid, but made her Maid/Matron of Honor when the Mr asked me to because it was important to him. Sometimes, it is more important to keep the peace than to hurt someone you have to deal with for life. I am not that close to my sister-in-law but it mattered to her and my husband, so I am doing it.
Why can’t you just have an unever bridal party? That’s what we’re doing.
Post # 12
@soon2bmrsstephan: I think you are being a little unreasonable. Firstly, his sister is 16 and showing favouritism towards your son’s is probably something that is unintentional and is something she is unaware of. I think calling a 16 year old a bitch as a grown adult is also a little uncalled for.
I was 16 when my brother got married and i was not a bridesmaid. I was a little hurt but i understood.
Maybe explain to her and your fiance that you won’t be selecting her as a bridesmaid but maybe offer to take her out for a girly day of a mani, pedi and lunch to smooth it over.
Post # 13
So I was honestly starting to really consider saying yes, i needed maybe a day or two to cool down from everything, but when i went up to the martial arts school his family owns last night to drop something off to my fiance i walked in and she gave me the nastist look ever. I feel that if your brother is fighting for you to be a bridesmaid when i have the finally say you wouldnt want to be doing something like that and then to interject in a agrument we were having is uncalled for. So now i am back to having to figure this whole thing out. I just dont want the smart comments that come from her. And i know she isnt going to want to come to my mom’s where we all would be getting ready and the photographer will be there.
Post # 14
If he wants her in it that bad then tell him he can have her as a groomsmaid. That way she can still get ready at their house and also he can have the responsibility of making sure that she has everything and is ready…and you won’t have to deal with her at all.
Post # 15
@soon2bmrsstephan: At this point she will bring more drama I feel. Keep your bridal party as is.
Yes, she is his sister, but to me that doesn’t mean she trumps those who been closer to you who are not included in the party.