(Closed) Bridesmaid Drama! HELP!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It’s their drama, not yours.


Step out of it. You have a wedding to plan.

Post # 4
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yikes!  I’m not sure there is anything you can do.  As PP said, it’s their drama.  If Friend B keeps complaining about Friend A, I would say something like “Look Friend B, I know you don’t like A and I get that.  But A is important to me and it would mean a lot to me if you could just be civil with her.”  If she’s a good friend, she’ll play nice for your wedding.

Post # 7
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would warn both of them to just play nice for the wedding…


I have actually been in a somewhat similar situation before.  H, K and me were all roommates in college and really close throughout.  When H got engaged, she asked K & I to be bridesmaids.  Fast forward to a year before the wedding and K and I had a falling out over a guy.  I never thought a guy would get in the way of a friendship, but it was definitely the way she handled it (screaming at me and pulling me out of our shared apartment by my hair) that got me thinking this friendship wasn’t worth it.  And that wasn’t the first time she was violent toward me.


K and me hadn’t spoken for a year when it was time to plan the bachelorette etc.  Because K and I live in Cali and the other girls were out of state, it made sense for us to do a lot of the planning since the bachelorette was in Vegas and we could bring things in the car.  I ended up flying there but meeting with her beforehand to give her stuff that was to go to Vegas.  The plan was that I would ride back with K.


The whole bachelorette trip actually went fine.  K and I played nice so to speak.  I’m not sure H, the bride, or either of the other bridesmaids even knew that we secretly hated eachother.


That made me think, okay this will be fine.  We have to get along one more day, for the wedding, and that’s it.


The wedding was harder.  I brought my SO (not the same guy we fought over) to the rehearsal dinner.  He was invited by both the bride and her fiance who I was good friends with.  K made a fuss about the fact that he wasn’t part of the wedding party so he shouldn’t be at the rehearsal dinner, but he had flown all the way there with me and I thought, especially since he was invited, that it was totally fair.  K made my SO feel extremely uncomfortable and me as well.


Then at the wedding, while drunk, she came up to us both and went on about how I shouldn’t be happy because I was such a terrible person and I don’t deserve to have a SO that cares about me blah blah blah.


Thankfully, I don’t think the bride noticed.


Sadly, I think K has since told H all sorts of bad things about me and obviously only from her perspective.  H has never visited me since and only visits K when she comes to Cali.  It’s hard to lose a good friendship like that and I’ve tried to stay in touch through letters and email.  But nothing is the same.


So I guess this whole story is just a warning.  Don’t let Friend A or B blow up at eachother.  And stay neutral (which it sounds like you’re doing).  Hopefully both of them will remain civil to one another and try to avoid eachother on your special day.  I wish K had not come up to me or that H had been neutral enough to not believe everything she said.

Post # 9
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@BWAggieBride:  With such a big wedding party, maybe you can talk to a few of your other BMs and have a couple of them handle the situation, that way you aren’t dealing with drama on your day.  Maybe if they see something start to become a problem, they can grab Friend A or B and redirect their attention elsewhere.  There have to be enough people at the wedding that Friend A and B can find plenty of others to talk to.


And since Friend A will likely not be attending the local stuff anyways, the get togethers where there are less people and A and B would be most likely to talk, that will help.


I wouldn’t let Friend B’s feelings towards A dictate that A shouldn’t be in the bridal party.  Good friends that last that long are hard to come by and I’m sure Friend A would be slightly hurt if she wasn’t asked.

Post # 10
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you should tell FriendB exactly what you just told us here. It may be hard to say but at least you get it OVER WITH instead of dragging out drama.


I get from your writing that these girls both mean a lot to you and they are both good people. So if you tell her what you told us, I would hope she would not be offended. Bottom line, though, she needs to suck it up……..its YOUR wedding. If she can’t get the heck over it then she needs to shup up and fake it. 

Post # 11
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BWAggieBride:  I’m in a strangely similar situation but it’s two GUYS who are behaving like little girls. I’m not one to feed into this type of garbage so my fella and I messaged both of them and said “We would love for each of you to support us and be involved in our wedding however we understand their might be some bad blood between you. We would like to give you both the option to polietly decline the invitation to be in our wedding party if you feel you are unable to act in an adult manner. Please let us know your decision by the end of the week as plans have already been set in motion and a slight alteration might have to be made.” While it might seem crass to have worded it the way we did, with the two girlymen involved, it had to be to the point and somewhat rude. Like everyone else has said…it’s your day. If these two “grown ups” can’t put their issues aside for a total of 24 hours then maybe they don’t support you as fully as you thought they did. 


**for the record, the two involved in my drama ended up private messaging eachother and got drunk together that same evening, things are fine with them now.

Post # 12
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BWAggieBride:  Could you maybe talk to her a little less or end the convo when she starts talking about her? You could always just ask her to please remember you are ____’s friend too and you want to just enjoy this time, while still being respectful of how others are feeling.


I once had a friend who talked non stop drama about her ex who she continually got back together and broke up with. It was very draining. I finally got to a place when she brought up his name I would tell her I had to go or would change the subject. She got the hint.

Post # 13
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsBudz2Bee:  This is wonderful!!! And very adult. I don’t feel what you said was rude at all. What is rude is people acting like assholes at another’s event. Good for you!

Post # 14
47 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow! First I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

I  get what you’re saying about friend A and B, but ultimately what it comes down to is Friend B. Can she be an adult at for your wedding and all things included? The issue isn’t whether Friend A and Friend B like each other and it isn’t even if they will interact with one another. The issue is that Friend A moved on and Friend B didn’t.

I had a similar situation with my BM’s so I very bluntly told each of them who I was choosing to stand up in my wedding and put it on them. If either of them couldn’t agree to disagree for me…..for my wedding….then they’re weren’t welcome to be a member of my bridal party. I know it’s harsh…but I assure you….very necessary.

It sounds to me like both of these girls need to have an understanding of what your expectations for them are and also Friend B needs to get over herself. She doesn’t control your wedding…..only you do and what she is looking for is to hurt Friend A….through you.

I wouldn’t tolerate my friend (Friend B) using my wedding……my important day that I’ve waited for and want to be magical……as a vendetta against someone else.

I feel for ya girlie, I do. Hopefully though you can settle this before anything starts.

Keep us posted. Smile

Post # 15
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BWAggieBride:  Lots of people have people who hate each other in their weddings – divorced parents! If my parents can be civil for their children’s weddings – despite the pain and deep, deep bitterness of breaking a 25+ year marriage and an extended divorce – then your friends should have no trouble putting their feelings aside for a day. (Or 4 days if you count the bachelorette party, bridal shower and rehearsal). And with a large bridal party, they don’t need to interact anyway, it’ll be easy for them to stay apart.

Tell B you are having A in your bridal party, and you expect her to be civil to her, for your sake.

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