Post # 1
So I have a bridesmaid that has been causing a lot of drama. She hasn’t said anything nice about my wedding or my Ideas. I’m so tired with all of this. She makes rude comments about the dress that all the girls choose to wear. But might I add I never even had the chance to look at dresses for her wedding she just found then bought them and then told her we owed her the money.
She has made comments about my bach party to my girls that well I don’t like that kind of music but I guess I’ll have to suck it up… Or that she will not be participating in any of the games at the bach party shes just gonna sit at the table.
She constantly says that her wedding planning was horrible.
It really put a damper on me. The comments I find are very selfish and rude. She keeps saying them behind my back. So I posted that you sure do find out who your real friends are when it comes to wedding planning. She then sends a email saying shes sorry for being such a bad bridesmaid and she doens’t know why she is so negative but she feels that I haven’t had any communication with her and that this is going to cost her a lot of money. That just made me mad because I forked over A LOT of money for their wedding and for her to say that I find it selfish.
Long story short. I kinda wrote a long email telling her how it is and telling her how upset I was and telling her that shes being selfish and that this is my day and that she needs to be there for me or step down from my wedding. The email was very brutially honest but I feel that it needed to be because concidering I wrote her an email at the beginning of the year because of this exact issue.
She is now VERY upset with me. The wrose part of this is her husband is my fiancee’s best man. I guess she went to bed crying after reading it. And she told me that she didn’t deserve being called selfish. I feel bad for making her upset but I really meant what I said….
What to do what to do… We are getting together Thursday to “talk” I think we almost need a mediator.
Post # 3
@diybride101: I dont know, I think you’ve done what you can. I agree she should step in line or make everyone’s life better (including her own if she’s so miserable) and step down from the wedding party/planning. You need friends around you who support you and who truly want to make your day the best it can be. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
I think you did the right thing. She’ll either suck it up and realize that she was being terrible and start being a great bridesmaid or she can bow out of being a bridesmaid altogether. It may seem awful that she would step down from being a bridesmaid, but it’s better than having someone negative throughout all your wedding planning. Good luck!
Post # 5
You absolutely did the right thing. She needed the tough love but still made it about herself.
Maybe she isnt happy in her own marriage that she can’t find it to be happy for you!
She needs to just get out of your wedding already, know I’m being brutally honest!
Post # 6
You definitly did the right thing. It’s normal to feel bad for it, you have a heart. It happens. Even if she got upset, she needed to hear it. I hope now she knows to actually stop being so selfish and that this event isn’t just some joke to be not taken seriously. You mean business and deserve respect.
I’m having some ridiculous problems with my Maid/Matron of Honor right now, too. I feel your frustration. Your wedding is going to be one of the MOST important days of your life! If people don’t want to be HAPPY for you and HELP you plan for this exciting day, then they can go sulk in a corner and leave you be. They don’t deserve to be a part of your day! I’m sorry but that’s how it is.
You certainly find out who your real friends are. I have girls being jealous and at one point made me feel almost bad about getting married and having a wedding because all these wonderful things were happening to me not them! And when I confronted them, they denied it and it only got WORSE!Needless to say, they aren’t going to spend my day with me. Too bad. I’m surrounding myself with people who love me and want to share this day with me-which is what you should do.
If she can’t realize her behavior is wrong then give her the boot.
Post # 7
my two cents:
– When you have your talk, I would avoid negative comments about her selfish/rude behavior (even though it’s true) so you can maintain a civil relationship. For better or worse, if her husband is your fiance’s close friend, these people are going to be in your life and you don’t want more drama in the future.
What I would say is “it seems like you do not enjoy wedding preparation, based on your comments about your wedding prep. That’s totally OK to feel that way – but if that’s the case maybe you being part of my wedding is not a good choice for either of us.” Emphasize that you are still happy to have her be part of the day as a guest and if she would prefer to be a part of it in another way – helping with something else maybe? you would welcome it.
Your bridesmaids should be people who are going to make your day and all the lead up better. It sounds like she is the wrong person to be your bridesmaid. But try to keep the convo as neutral as possible and avoid accusations. This is just classic “how to handle a confrontation” advice. Good luck!
I do have to say, I think you should delete the FB post. I come from a family that is very passive-agressive and have inherited the tendency to make those kinds of comments that are clearly directed at a specific person without being addressed to them – it’s an instinct I’ve worked on surpressing esp during this wedding planning! In My Humble Opinion it’s ALWAYS bettter, if you have an issue with someone, to handle it directly with them, rather than in a public forum. Maybe this she can learn something from you about talking about stuff WITH a person rather than behind their back 🙂