(Closed) Bridesmaid drama…. how to tell the other BMs? (long)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I understand how you feel!  One of my bridesmaids just dropped out a few weeks ago, and part of me was annoyed just because she ruined my even sides!  😉  So:

A) Have a groomsmen walk down the aisle flanked by two bridesmaids.  That solves the uneven ‘walk’ and make the groomsmen look super suave.  I’ve seen this at multiple weddings and it always looks charming, not weird.  So don’t worry!

B) If at all possible, can you cover the $60 or so that they’ve charging you because the 6 Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses went up in price?  I know, I know, that’s $60 that could be used elsewhere… but since you’re already offering to cover part of the price, this could go a long way toward saving face with your BMs.

C) I don’t think you really need to address the Bridesmaid or Best Man issue with your other BMs.  At least, I didn’t.  Mention that the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses are going to be a little late because of a delay, that you’ll cover the extra cost (if you can) and that’s it.  Most likely they won’t blame you, they know you’re a bride and have a lot going on.  And if they notice that Bridesmaid or Best Man So-and-so is no longer invited to stuff, they may put 2 and 2 together on their own.

D) Call AA right now and make sure the dresses will arrive on time!

Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why did AA hold up everyone’s order? I had a similar situation this past weekend – one of my girls didn’t show up for the fitting/ordering appointment. They went ahead and ordered everyone’s that was there and put their deposit down. Not discounting what the former Bridesmaid or Best Man did – just curious as to why the shop handled the orders the way they did.

Post # 5
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@toshella:  I second this. Don’t say anything to the other girls. It would just cause unnecessary drama.

Post # 6
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m also confused why AA held the entire order, they should have just ordered inidividual dresses as the orders came in.  If you can, call the store and try to negotiate down the extra charge, since it was their fault for not ordering each dress as the order came in.

As for the bridesmaid, if she doesn’t buy the dress, she removes herself from the wedding.  Your fi should not have forced you to ask her; if it was that important he should have had her be on his side, but that ship has sailed.  You don’t need even sides and you’ve gotten suggestions for how to structure the recessional.

If I may just add – any attire for the wedding is not a  bridesmaid gift, it is part of their ‘uniform’ and I truly hope you are getting them something other than helping pay for their dresses.

Post # 7
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@aheavel:  They might have been concerned about dye lots. For my BF’s wedding, she picked AA and they held everyone’s until the almost-late bridesmaid ((super-guilty-plz-don’t-judge-I-was-young-and-foolish look)) ordered hers.

Post # 8
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

personally, i’m not sure i would notice- or really care- about $8 or $12. if it was like $30 or $50, maybe. don’t present it as a big deal and it won’t be!

Post # 10
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@futuremrsfitz18:  I agree with everything you said. The store should have ordered the dresses as the down payments were made. 

galloway111Food for thought: Once a down payment is made that locks in your price to avoid an increase in the price at a later date. I would call AA and be stern about the price increase. Do the BM’s have a receipt from the down payment? If so it should list the balance left. I would take it in and explain to them this is the price you are paying. I hope this helps. Good luck with your planning and I hope this is the only speedbump you have to deal with. 

ps: have you thought of just finding another bm?

Post # 12
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh man, that is a bummer. I don’t know that I would go into detail, just mention that X stepped down so they aren’t wondering why she isn’t at showers/planning things. As for the cost I think it would be kind of you to pay the difference since it is through no fault of your Bridesmaid or Best Man the price went up. Best of luck to you!

Post # 13
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

One, everything will work out.  Two, why don’t you just contribute the extra money?  The principle of it sucks because they paid for their dresses on time, but I’m sure that $8-$12 won’t make a difference to them one way or another.  

In terms of the walk down the aisle, I would either have one person walk by themselves, or have two guys and one girl.  We aren’t having the BM/GM walk down the aisle together…just the Bridesmaid or Best Man…they guys will already be at the front.

I would also make sure that this Bridesmaid or Best Man knows the trouble that she has caused.  If she didn’t have the money, she should have just said so and not agreed.  It’s not your fault that she couldn’t afford the dress, after she said yes.  I would definitely say something to her about this…it is immature and selfish.

Post # 14
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

well, i think in the end this was your dropped ball, so maybe you should cover it if money is that tight? you said you got busy and forgot to follow up… it really doesn’t have to be “bridesmaid” drama.

Post # 15
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@galloway111:  that does suck and I can see how asking someone else would be a bit awkward. You could always decide to go the best man (make a gm a bm) and moh route, that way no one would feel that they were excluded. Just say you decided to add a Maid/Matron of Honor and would love them to accept. I don’t know just a thought. 

Post # 16
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OP, if you shop for gifts like you would for their birthdays and make the gifts truly personal, they won’t just be ‘trinkets they throw away’.

The topic ‘Bridesmaid drama…. how to tell the other BMs? (long)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors