(Closed) bridesmaid drama, need advice – LONG

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1452 posts
Bumble bee

Girl, you need to move on.  There are so many indications that are glaringly obvious that your friendship with Friend A has come to an end, and she herself is showing you through her behaviors that she doesn’t really care about your friendship anymore.  You trying to cling onto what “might have been” in the past is NOT working, and if anything, it’s putting a damper on your wedding plans and your other friendships. 

If I were you, I’d maintain a very polite yet distanced friendship with Friend B.  I will bet that anything you share with her, she will turn around and tell Friend A everything you tell her.  And since Friend A does not have your best interest at heart, it only hurts you because Friend A could use that info to manipulate things against you.

I know Friend A and Friend B were close to you at one point.  But times change, people change, you’ve also changed so part of “growing up” is being able to let go friendships/relationships that has run its course.

Post # 17
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I could have written this post.  I had a former best friend as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, who sent texts in the same room as me to other Bridesmaid or Best Man in the same room as me.  (or car — that I was driving — on the way to my shower).  She also nixed my original (reasonable) request for a bachelorette.  She was always calling other BMs to complain, etc.  This gave me paranoia and depression before my wedding.   That I had to hide because everyone else was being so sweet.  

My advice:  don’t let one person change the plans for your bachelorette.  I wish I hadn’t let her change what I wanted! I go to bachelorettes now that I’m so jealous of!  Also don’t spend money or waste time because you feel bad about “burdening” her with your wedding. I didn’t have the option to ask her to step down.  This would have been a S*** storm with other guests / BMs.  Otherwise, I probably should have for my mental health.   It’s just not healthy to wonder if your BMs are gossiping about you, on your wedding day, in the same room as you.  haha. 

Post # 18
Member
519 posts
Busy bee

I’ve known girls like this. Unfortunately they’ve all been cliquey work situations.

Im going to be very blunt with you.

These girls are not your friends. You confronting B and her giving you heartfelt feels about how you guys have ‘drifted’ and she nevverrr meant to alienate you is such a load of horse shit that Im shocked you accepted it, because you come across as a pretty smart woman.

She didnt think youd ever have the balls to actually confront her about it, andsince she didnt have her other half there to giggle and conspire with, she panicked and tried to paint a victim-like picture to get your sympathy.

Women who do all the things you described are GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY to alienate you. Hanging out with thedoor closed, getting only food for each other, texting each other while youre in the room-this isnt an ACCIDENTAL ‘whoops we ended up getting closer than expected and we got ahead of ourselves’, this is a very blatant frenemy situation.

I know its so, so much easier said than done, but you need to cut these women out. Do you truly and honestly feel they will bring you joy and support on your wedding day? Do you think they will go above and beyond and bend over backwards for you if shit hits the fan?? They wont. They will be just as cliquey, if not worse than ever, and you do NOT deserve to feel like odd girl out on your WEDDING DAY.

There will be drama, no doubt. But you can keep it as clean cut as possible. 

If I were you: Id send the exact same text to both of them. “Hey. This may seem like its coming out of nowhere, but given the way our friendship has been going and my time thinking about this, its unfortunately a long time coming. I do not think its possible for you guys to be in my bridal party. It sucks it has to be like this, and I wish more than anything it was different, but I thought the three of us were going to be peas in a pod, the three musketeers. But its become obvious you two are not interested in letting me in your twosome and I cant put myself through feelibg like the odd man out anymore. I thought maybe we could get through this but the more I think about it, the more unlikely it seems. This time in my life is special and is supposed to bring me joy, but instead I feel like the unpopular girl in high school when Im with you guys. I wish you two nothing but the best in your close friendship.”

And then just cut off contact. Dont respond if you get an argument or any pleading. Dont give them a chance to make it up to you. Inform your other BMs of the change and ask them for their love and support.

And then go from there.

*Hugs*

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