(Closed) Bridesmaid Drama, Need Validation!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
45649 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes,she behaved immaturely, disrespectfully, and in complete contradiction to her role as a bridesmaid,

BUT

you need to find a way to move on. You are letting the actions of this woman push your buttons weeks later.

Post # 4
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yes what she did was unprofessional and well childish. The role of bm and friend is to be supportive which she failed at. The thing is you need to let it go. Consider it a lesson learned and if you drop it everyone else will move on to the next thing. I can see it could affect how you feel about her but the wedding is over and it’s time to get back normal.

Post # 5
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

If you wanted a say in the shoes, you should have picked a pair from the begining or have set rules like “shoes mut be ok’d by me.”

She should have sucked it up and bought the shoes you wanted her to buy without all the drama.

Your wedding is over. This is not something to dwell on.

Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You are not out of line. You basically let them pick their own shoes, just gave them all a color scheme. If she couldn’t manage to find pink shoes she liked well then that is on her. That’s crazy she would cause so much drama over SHOES. She sounds pretty immature, try not to let it get to you.

Post # 8
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@lisapink:  Thanks for letting us know you need validation. To that end, I agree that the other woman acted irresponsibly by spreading the word around the office, rather than keeping it professional between the two of you.

BUT …(Yes, there is  a “but”…sorry) 

She was probably aggravated by the mixed messages she got. You said you wanted the girls to pick their own shoes and wanted them to have something they’d wear again, as long as it was pink. Ultimately, you sort of back-tracked on that, and that’s probably where things got hairy for her. She may have wondered why all the other girls got the shoes they “wanted,” but she couldn’t. 

Also, I think you should let the issue of her breaking up with her boyfriend / dress shopping go. She was grieving. It’s natural. She at least showed up to support you, and that’s a lot of effort from someone who has just said goodbye to a long term relationship. It’s irrelevant to the story. 

I think you should talk to her again, apologize for the shoe mix up, and see if maybe you can get past this hiccup in your relationship. I think each of you needs to apologize for your role in the issue, but she definitely needs to say sorry for perpetuating the drama in the office.

Post # 9
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Honestly, i think you should just let this go.  Clearly there was a lack of communication between the two of you and i dont think its really anyones fault.  This should not qualify as “major drama”

Post # 10
Member
45649 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lisapink:  My Dad always used to say “Nobody ever pronised you life would be fair” when we whined about unfairness. When you find yourself thinking about the unfairness, remember my Dad.

Post # 11
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

To be honest, I think you treated her pretty unfairly.

Several months before the wedding, she asked to step down as a bridesmaid because she didn’t think she could handle it emotionally. Common courtesy dictates that, if a member of the bridal party has something come up in the personal lives (break up, pregnancy, financial problems), that you offer them the chance to stand down. Not emotionally blackmail them into still doing it. How hurtful it must have been for her not only to see you getting married when she was hurting emotionally but, when she tried to remove herself from this situation, you talked her into staying. I’d be pretty pissed off too!

Also, like JulesSchnooks said, she probably felt confused that you initially told the bridesmaids to get whatever shoes they wanted, then disagreed with her preference.

Obviously, she shouldn’t have told everyone at your work about this issue – that is the only thing I feel you have a right to be angry about. I can completely understand your bridesmaid being hurt and upset by the events preceding your wedding and you really should have let her resign from being a bridesmaid when she told you it would be too much to handle.

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