Post # 1
Hello!! I’m really struggling with my bridal party. I’m set on my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor, my two best high school friends, and my two college roommates. However, I have one more friend from college I’m considering, mostly because she was once close with my roommates and me (3 of us were bridesmaids in one of the roommate’s weddings).
This friend has always been really sensitive about not being “in” our trio of tight friends, even in the past when we all considered her a close friend. Her constant need to prove her friendship has, over time, actually made me like her less and we haven’t spent much time together lately, even though we live in the same city and my other friends live far away.
I feel obligated to invite this girl to be a bridesmaid because I know how CRUSHED she will be if she isn’t–it will be a manifestation of all of her insecurities about our friendship put directly out there. At the same time, I get really tired of her weird, clingy need to show just how close she is to my roommates and I, when we really are. not. close.
We’re all part of a very solid larger friend group, so I know it won’t go unnoticed if I don’t invite her to be a bridesmaid and she makes it an issue.
What do I do?! Do I crush her feelings and possibly end the friendship for good, or just keep the peace and have her in my bridal party even though I’m not at all enthusiastic about having her?
Any advice appreciated!
Post # 2
Don’t have her as a bridesmaid and don’t invite her to the wedding. You don’t seem to like her much anyway.
Post # 3
Had James, Sirius, and Lupin not included Peter Pettigrew, then James and Lily might not have been killed by Voldemort. 🤷🏼♀️
Post # 4
love this! 🤣
Honestly OP, I would not ask her, because as you said, you. are. not. close. You’re not even excited about her being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
What does your two roommates think about this? Do they think she’s clingy too? Did the one roommate who asked you 3 to be BMs regret her decision?
Post # 5
Well I can see why you don’t really want her, but you alredy have five attendants as it is, so I kind of think one more more would be be no real issue …?
Post # 6
If you aren’t close and she annoys you, then don’t make her a bridesmaid and don’t invite her. Why are you worried about ending a friendship that you don’t want?
Post # 7
You don’t seem to like her very much. Don’t invite her at all. Why are you even still friends with someone you don’t actually like?
Post # 8
If you invite her to be a bridesmaid, I have a feeling you’ll be on here posting later on about how she’s driving you crazy as a bridesmaid and is making you regret your decision.
Post # 9
One thing I learned from my and my friends wedding parties….don’t ask someone because you feel obligated to! Only ask people you are genuinely exctied to include. If you’re having doubts, you probably shouldn’t ask them.
Post # 10
Once you’ve asked your two college friends, I think you should discuss it with them. I feel like this would not only damage your friendship with that person but may affect the other two as well. Talk to them.
Post # 11
Can you just have an adult conversation with her and tell her you care about her and her feelings and value her as a friend, but due to groomsmen restrictions, you can’t have any more bridesmaids? However, you want to include her in most of the bridesmaid activities, because your wedding wouldn’t be the same without her.
I got left out of my cousins wedding… of 4 female cousins around the same age, she only left me out. That didn’t hurt my feelings because I get that you can only have a certain number of bridesmaids…. but what hurt was being left out of all of the other activities…. i.e. getting nails done before the wedding, group bonding activities etcetera. If she’d made me feel important, but I just wasn’t called a bridesmaid, I don’t think I would have minded.
Post # 12
I am a walking contradiction because I always say it’s best to keep the peace but I also say it’s your wedding and you shouldn’t have anyone around that is going to drive you crazy.
This is why bridal parties are stressful and weird to me overall. The whole thing requires you to rank the people in your life. It’s inherently exclusionary and often leads to hurt feelings. (To be clear, I am not saying to not have a bridal party. I had one. It’s more a philosophical thought I have often. Why do we have bridal parties in the first place?)
I also hate people who push themselves on you and try to make a friendship into something it’s not. I’ve had a few people do this to me over the years and, like you, it just makes me like them less.
So, if I were you, I would just have the two that I was actually close with. I honestly would probably not reason it out with her, thinking explaining it to her would just validate her feelings that she should have been included and that you have something to apologize for when she is the only one who feels like she should be in the party. I would invite her to the bachelorette and shower (if you can stand having her around) so that she still feels like one of the closer women in your life. And then I wouldn’t stress about it anymore.
Post # 13
As someone who invited someone to keep the peace essentially, I’ll say I don’t regret it. Friend A was invited to keep the peace. I met Friend B, who I’ve grown really close to, through Friend A in college. We were both in Friend A’s wedding last year, and it was honestly just easier to include her. She lives out of state and hasn’t seemed super excited/involved, but I really don’t regret asking her. Granted, nothing happened with Friend A per se, we just grew apart as seasons of life changed.
Post # 14
Sadly I don’t subscribe to the notion of “needing” to have even numbers. It was shitty that you were left out and all the other cousins were included. That’s garbage. Plenty of wedding parties are uneven. My sister had three bridesmaids and her husband had one best man. Another wedding I was in only had bridesmaids.
That said, I don’t think OP should invite her friend to be a bridesmaid unless she is going to be able to put her feelings aside and not dwell on the negatives of the relationship; that will just make OP resentful of her friend and cast a damper on the wedding day. In the grand scheme of life, having this girl in the wedding party isn’t going to be a big deal. But everyone is an adult, so if the girl is not included, it could be a learning experience for her………
Post # 15
I’ll add one more thought… If this girl is invited to be a bridesmaid, she might surprise you. She could be the most helpful and considerate bridesmaid ever! Lol