Bridesmaid drama–picking 2/3 college friends & CRUSHING one's feelings??

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I...
    Invite her to be a bridesmaid. It's easier just to keep the peace. : (25 votes)
    35 %
    Don't invite her to be a bridesmaid. It's your wedding and you can choose who you really want. : (42 votes)
    58 %
    Other! (please comment!) : (5 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6160 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2017

    Don’t have her as a bridesmaid and don’t invite her to the wedding. You don’t seem to like her much anyway.

     

    Post # 3
    Member
    3356 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    View original reply
    teacheramy :  Had James, Sirius, and Lupin not included Peter Pettigrew, then James and Lily might not have been killed by Voldemort. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    Post # 4
    Member
    690 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    View original reply
    catskillsinjune :  love this! 🤣

    Honestly OP, I would not ask her, because as you said, you. are. not. close. You’re not even excited about her being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

    What does your two roommates think about this? Do they think she’s clingy too? Did the one roommate who asked you 3 to be BMs regret her decision?

    Post # 5
    Member
    10110 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    View original reply
    teacheramy :  

    Well I can see why you don’t really want  her, but you alredy have five attendants as it is, so I kind of think one more  more would be be no real issue …? 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1012 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    If you aren’t close and she annoys you, then don’t make her a bridesmaid and don’t invite her. Why are you worried about ending a friendship that you don’t want? 

    Post # 7
    Member
    563 posts
    Busy bee

    You don’t seem to like her very much. Don’t invite her at all. Why are you even still friends with someone you don’t actually like?

    Post # 8
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee

    If you invite her to be a bridesmaid, I have a feeling you’ll be on here posting later on about how she’s driving you crazy as a bridesmaid and is making you regret your decision. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1199 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    One thing I learned from my and my friends wedding parties….don’t ask someone because you feel obligated to! Only ask people you are genuinely exctied to include. If you’re having doubts, you probably shouldn’t ask them.

    Post # 10
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

    Once you’ve asked your two college friends, I think you should discuss it with them. I feel like this would not only damage your friendship with that person but may affect the other two as well. Talk to them.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1678 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    Can you just have an adult conversation with her and tell her you care about her and her feelings and value her as a friend,  but due to groomsmen restrictions,  you can’t have any more bridesmaids?  However,  you want to include her in most of the bridesmaid activities,  because your wedding wouldn’t be the same without her.

    I got left out of my cousins wedding… of 4 female cousins around the same age,  she only left me out.  That didn’t hurt my feelings because I get that you can only have a certain number of bridesmaids…. but what hurt was being left out of all of the other activities…. i.e. getting nails done before the wedding, group bonding activities etcetera. If she’d made me feel important,  but I just wasn’t called a bridesmaid,  I don’t think I would have minded.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    601 posts
    Busy bee

    I am a walking contradiction because I always say it’s best to keep the peace but I also say it’s your wedding and you shouldn’t have anyone around that is going to drive you crazy.

    This is why bridal parties are stressful and weird to me overall. The whole thing requires you to rank the people in your life. It’s inherently exclusionary and often leads to hurt feelings. (To be clear, I am not saying to not have a bridal party. I had one. It’s more a philosophical thought I have often. Why do we have bridal parties in the first place?)

    I also hate people who push themselves on you and try to make a friendship into something it’s not. I’ve had a few people do this to me over the years and, like you, it just makes me like them less. 

    So, if I were you, I would just have the two that I was actually close with. I honestly would probably not reason it out with her, thinking explaining it to her would just validate her feelings that she should have been included and that you have something to apologize for when she is the only one who feels like she should be in the party. I would invite her to the bachelorette and shower (if you can stand having her around) so that she still feels like one of the closer women in your life. And then I wouldn’t stress about it anymore.

    Post # 13
    Member
    97 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    As someone who invited someone to keep the peace essentially, I’ll say I don’t regret it. Friend A was invited to keep the peace. I met Friend B, who I’ve grown really close to, through Friend A in college. We were both in Friend A’s wedding last year, and it was honestly just easier to include her. She lives out of state and hasn’t seemed super excited/involved, but I really don’t regret asking her. Granted, nothing happened with Friend A per se, we just grew apart as seasons of life changed.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2033 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    bibliophilacticbee :  Sadly I don’t subscribe to the notion of “needing” to have even numbers. It was shitty that you were left out and all the other cousins were included. That’s garbage. Plenty of wedding parties are uneven. My sister had three bridesmaids and her husband had one best man. Another wedding I was in only had bridesmaids.

    That said, I don’t think OP should invite her friend to be a bridesmaid unless she is going to be able to put her feelings aside and not dwell on the negatives of the relationship; that will just make OP resentful of her friend and cast a damper on the wedding day. In the grand scheme of life, having this girl in the wedding party isn’t going to be a big deal. But everyone is an adult, so if the girl is not included, it could be a learning experience for her……… 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2033 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I’ll add one more thought… If this girl is invited to be a bridesmaid, she might surprise you. She could be the most helpful and considerate bridesmaid ever! Lol

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