Bridesmaid drama–picking 2/3 college friends & CRUSHING one's feelings??

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I...

    Invite her to be a bridesmaid. It's easier just to keep the peace.

    Don't invite her to be a bridesmaid. It's your wedding and you can choose who you really want.

    Other! (please comment!)

  • Post # 31
    Member
    998 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    I don’t think we have enough information to make this call for you; it really depends more on the broader relationships. How close is she to your other two BMs? It sounds like you’d be fine with letting the friendship end, but what would they think? Do they also feel like their friendship has been fading? If you were on bad terms with the non-bridesmaid going forward, would your other friends have to choose sides? And if so, would they choose you?

    Basically, if you can easily just let the friendship die by not asking her to be a bridesmaid, then don’t ask her. But if you’d potentially lose other important friendships along with hers, it’s probably better to keep the peace.

    Post # 32
    Member
    571 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

    I swear to god there is a recent thread here somewhere of a similar story but it’s from the uninvited chick and everyone is telling her that the bride is a b*tch for not inviting her. ?

    She said they had 3 groomsmen so only chose 3 bridesmaids and the uninvited is quite upset they coukdnt find a 4th or iist deal with the uneven party.  

     

     

    My take is it’s your wedding and you decide, and by default I dont think anyone ever should assume they get to be in a party or invited to weddings. Just simply be pleased for your friend and it’s a bonus if you get to go and share that or more. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    190 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    OP you’re not responsible for arranging your life in a manner to suit how your friend may react to and feel about things. How she feels and acts on those feelings is entirely her problem to deal with.

    I don’t see a problem with only inviting her as a guest. It doesn’t sound like this friendship will stand the test of time in any case and I don’t think anyone would really appreciate being strung along to think that things are one way when they aren’t. She’s an adult. She needs to deal with things like an adult.

    Post # 34
    Member
    7518 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I have a close friend, let’s call her Amy, who sounds a lot like this girl. Amy and I are part of a group of four girls who have been close friends since college. Throughout our decade-plus of friendship, Amy has been extremely insecure about my friendship with one of the other girls in this group. Amy is very possessive of me and has trouble coping with the fact that I am equally good friends with another girl in our group. She’s had multiple meltdowns over the years as a result of this, loads of drama for us all. I could probably write a novel about all the episodes.

    However, Amy is one of my best friends. I actually like Amy a lot, even though she drives me crazy with her insecurities. She’s loyal and generous – one of those friends I know would drop everything for me in an emergency. There have been times when I’ve had to take some space after a particularly bad episode, but somehow we always patch things up and she remains basically a sister to me despite everything. It’s one of those things where at this point I’ve just kinda accepted that this is who she is and I need to deal with it if we’re to remain friends. I’ve decided it’s worth it. 

    So, to make a long story short, I didn’t even debate having her in my bridal party. Not having her in it would have definitely meant the end of our friendship, and I didn’t want that. But the difference in my story and yours is that I like Amy despite how hard it can be to be friends with her sometimes, and I do consider her one of my closest friends. 

    I think you need to do some soul searching to figure out how you really feel about your friend and what you want to happen with the friendship in the long term. If you’re already thinking of her as more of an acquaintance, then maybe you should exclude her from your bridal party and deal with the fall-out. But if deep down you know you still love her despite everything and don’t want to give up the friendship, then I’d invite her to be a bridesmaid. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    courtneysokal :  this would really make me think again before excluding her lol. but again, she might act like she knew everything about OP over the other 2 bridesmaid that she’s actually really close with, which may just prolong the period for the preparation and all. also, more conflicts and maybe leading to OP’s regret for inviting her as a bridesmaid. just my opinion though :p

    Post # 36
    Member
    3508 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Have you asked your roommates yet? If not I would not ask any of them and stick with 3 bridesmaids (sister and HS friends) that way you can genuinely say that you only had three so stuck to oldest friends.

    You can ask the others you would have like to have been bridesmaids to do other jobs, a reading perhaps?

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    44 posts
    Newbee

    I have no advice but empathy. I too have a friend that I care about enough to ensure her feelings aren’t hurt but don’t feel as close to her as I do to my other friends. It is that lack of closeness that breeds resentment when I invite her places or to do things to spare her feelings. It sounds cruel but I’m sure most of us have a friend we enjoy in only small doses. 

    Choose whichever path is the least detrimental to your emotional wellbeing. Good luck! 

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