(Closed) Bridesmaid drama revisited

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 1
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Hi Bees!  So, a while back, I posted that I got in a nasty and vicious fight with my MOH/BFF, that not only left her out of the wedding, but we didn’t speak for almost 9 months…until last night.  She emailed her apology, accepted her actions as hurtful, and said she didn’t expect anything from me, but wanted me to know how sorry she was, she missed me, loves my kids, etc.  I was completely shocked, but as I am not one to hold and grudge, and all I ever wanted was for her to recognize the pain she caused me, which she did.  I miss her as well, and talking to her again was if no time had passed.

Now here’s the problem: it’s not even an issue if my adorable angel of a daughter will be stepping down as my Maid/Matron of Honor because obviously, my little gal, at 10yrs old, knows what it’s like to be loyal and loving and has been a fantastic Maid/Matron of Honor, so that stays.  I think everyone on Earth can agree with that.  But what to do about asking her to be involved again, along with her kids, who are my godchildren, all three of them.  My fiance hasn’t made it known, but I know he is fine to have her invited, but absolutely doesn’t trust her and sure as hell wouldn’t want her anywhere near our wedding planning activities/parties/showers, etc.  In her gigantic rant against what a Bridezilla I am, she “mentioned” how I initially didn’t love my fiance, that I was more interested in a wedding, and the idea of being in love.  Words like that can’t ever be taken back, and my Fiance is the most forgiving and loving person, but he’s not forgetting that any time soon.  Especially since she tagged him in the post, so every one of his friends on Facebook could see, including his mother, brothers, and groomsmen (don’t you just love Facebook vengeance??)

So bees, any advice and/or thoughts?  Should I be the bigger person and invite her back in?  Or don’t bring up the past fight, move on, continue to work on friendship and invite her as a guest?  Sorry, long post again! Thanks!

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Post # 3
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@baroness:  yikes! That’s a tough one. It really depends…Is this a normal way of her acting? Because she doesn’t seem like much of a friend If she is always like that.  Maybe instead of Maid/Matron of Honor make her just a bridesmaid. That way you don’t have to rely on her for your wedding activities, etc. I would really think about it because it is YOUR day and nothing should ruin it.. 

Post # 4
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@SouthernBee33:  Oh I will definitely not even consider making her Maid/Matron of Honor again…my precious daughter stepped in during BFF’s “hiatus” and has been amazing, so she’s earned her Maid/Matron of Honor stripes 🙂 Plus she’s adorable to boot, so that’s a done deal.  And yes, BFF is very hot tempered and is prone to this outbursts on Facebook, which is exactly what my Fiance says: she did this type of thing before, she could do it again.  She’s also very loyal, knows me like no one else, and has been my BFF for 25years.  Uhh, really don’t know what to do…

Post # 5
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

i think if it were me, i’d give it a few months and see how things are going before making any decisions about including her again. and then perhaps you can find a way that won’t be such big deal for either of you if something changes again?

Post # 6
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@baroness:  Hot tempered bridesmaids are just no good. Really think about your decision and consider your Fiance feelings because after all it’s his wedding day too 🙂 Best of luck on your decision, I know it’s a difficult one. 

Post # 7
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Don’t invite her back into the bridal party. Putting those vengeance posts on FB is immature and I’d say she lost her chance at coming back even as a bridesmaid with those remarks. I would say you can still invite her to the wedding but keep her out of the loop on any wedding planning details etc. Just my opinion though. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@baroness:  I’d invite her, but not invite her back in. You are just rekindling the friendship, and I know you aren’t one to hold a grudge, but after those things were said about your husband, I don’t blame him for having reservations, and I think it would be wise to just have her as a friend or invlude her a different way.

Post # 9
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

If she has JUST apologized- I would be open to reconnecting, but being in the wedding party would be out of the question. It looks like 8 months ago you were questioning inviting her back in, what has happened in the last 8 months?

Post # 10
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

At most, I would invite her to be a guest at the wedding. Sorry, but you don’t get to act like that and just get let back in my wedding. I would invite her as a guest and then work up to rebuilding the friendship.

Post # 11
Member
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I’d invite her to come as a guests only. She made her bed and now she has to lie in it.

Post # 12
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

I’ll vote with the “guest only” crowd. She’s already shown how volatile she can be. That might be fun in a pool hall with some tequila, but not while planning your big day.

Post # 13
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@cateyes:  Hmm, that’s actually a really good idea.  I mean, it was only last night, and had been almost 9 months since we spoke.  I know for a fact one other Bridesmaid or Best Man would be over-the-moon if she were back in, as she played peacemaker for a lot of the time, but regardless of what I want, if my Fiance is totally against it, is it me putting my wishes over his?

Post # 14
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ieatunicorns:  We had, what I thought at the time, started to mend bridges, but then she just never called me again.  So, I left it alone.  I have plenty of things to keep me busy, as you alll can relate to!  That was back in March.  This whole episode started a year ago November, so more than anything, just putting all the crap to bed is a huge weight off my shoulders.  Plus, we have so many mutual friends, it was just awkward for everyone.  But hey, I did my party 8 months ago, so I let it be, honestly thinking we’d never talk again.  But she came around, and I’m hoping we can get back to where we were. 

Post # 15
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You ladies are all making good points, and reinforcing what already was nagging at me.  I don’t want my Fiance upset, and also, I am a very forgiving person, but how could this ever be explained to anyone with logic??  Your “MOH” bashes you on facebook and then you let her back in your wedding where she can possibly cause more damage?  This is really hard…

Post # 16
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@baroness:  I’m jumping on the “guest only” bandwagon.  You say she is loyal, but those remarks on Facebook were ANYTHING but loyal.  I know that you love her–I can relate, my Maid/Matron of Honor and BFF is somewhat hot-tempered and opinionated, too.  But she is 100%, always and forever loyal.  My Maid/Matron of Honor would NEVER do what your friend did.  We’ve been friends for 15 years, sometimes we fight or disagree and we’ve had our ups and downs.  But never has she sold me out like that.  What your friend did was really, REALLY hurtful, and she betrayed you.  It takes time to heal wounds like that– I’m not saying don’t give her another chance, and I’m not saying don’t invite her to the wedding, but asking her back as a bridesmaid just seems like bad news bears to me.

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