(Closed) Bridesmaid drama…what else?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

I can’t believe she actually showed up at your house to scold you after you’d probably been throwing up all day! That’s INTENSE. Honestly, I would keep her out of the loop on your wedding planning for a while, it seems like she is very high strung right now.

“Bridal shower weekend” isn’t a thing.

Post # 18
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m just confused she’s your Bridesmaid or Best Man so she is supposed to plan your shower or at least be part of the planning.  If anything she’s supposed to tell you the date.

But no reason to be upset.  Especially about the month.  That’s ridiculous.  May is a very popular month for weddings.

Post # 20
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

So your friend drank the bridezilla kool-aid, huh?

The fact that she was mad that you didn’t attend her shower because you were puking and shitting your brains out all night is ridiculous.  

The fact that she is mad because you told her the date of your shower and it took away some of her wedding thunder is ridiculous.

The fact that she is mad because you are getting married in the same month as her is ridiculous.

So in summary, your friend is being ridculous  None of these things constituted a discussion with you.  None of these things even constituted hurt feelings over.

I would be backing away slowly from this friendship.  She obviously can’t see through all of her self-made craziness.

Post # 21
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am going to disagree with most people.  Your wedding is over a year away and you felt the need to send her your shower date the day before her shower?  That 8s kinda like trying to steal her thunder.  While I would not necessarily say you are copying to go the same location for a honeymoon, is it really completely coincidence?  Also, with over a year to go, you don’t need to worry about your bridal party yet and as a good friend I would not be all into planning your wedding when your friends is coming up.  I believe you get your turn, but by being so coincidentally getting married same month, honeymoon same place, and sending her shower info day before her shower…I would be hurt as your friend.  I am guessing if you had been supportive and let her get through her wedding first she would have been there to support you for the next year.  Note I did not even pick my bridal party until 4-6 months before the wedding including out of town people

Post # 22
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Upset that you were not at her shower is not mad.  It is disappointed you could not be there when you mean a lot to her.  I would tell a friend i was upset I did not get to spend time together because they were sick.

Post # 23
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
kwbride2015:  

Your wedding is over a year away and you felt the need to send her your shower date the day before her shower? 

I lean this way too. While I agree that being sick and not wanting to infect others is credible and responsible for being a no-show, I would never send my shower date before my friend’s shower date weekend. I would feel bad enough that I couldn’t be there, I wouldn’t rub it in. I can wait a few days. It’s my friend after all. I also would be very disappointed if I could not see you at my shower, but I would not get mad at you. That would be ridiculous.

I’m sure it’s coincidencewith your weddings, but if too much coincidence kept happening, then I would try to reassure my friend that I am not trying to imitate her wedding in anyway. Then joke about it later. 

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  exoticmariee.
Post # 24
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

… she is in the wrong… because she is getting married in May, May is not off limits for anything you want to do?

Are you not allowed to wear a wedding dress to your wedding because SHE wore a wedding dress and all wedding dresses are hers now?

She is being a brat

Post # 25
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
exoticmariee:  I’m actually curious, how in the world is OP mentioning her shower date rude? Because it forces her friend to acknowledge she’s not the only bride in her friend group? Because the friend has to think about someone else’s wedding for 0.3 seconds? What exactly is she rubbing in? 

Post # 26
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
ClaudiaKishi:  

Hmmm..I do not recall saying the word “rude”. But since you are curious, if I had a best friend and a friendship that I cherished, I woud be hesitant to announce any part of my wedding the day before any part of hers. I think it’s honorable and a gesture of goodwill and being thoughtful to someone you love. It’s not about her being the only bride, just respecting your friendship that’s all. Weddings are not competitions, but for some reason, they seem to bring out the worse in people. 

Like I said, I’m sure it’s all coincidence, but I would never announce my shower the day of or the day before anyone I’m close to, especially if it’s a year away. But that is me. Everyone is different. 

Post # 27
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
exoticmariee:  I suppose you didn’t explicitly say “rude” but you were agreeing with someone who said this behaviour was stealing the friends thunder so there’s a definite implication of rudeness. 

I guess I just don’t see how mentioning your shower date is inconsiderate and unthoughtful. It’s not like she’s at her friend’s shower constantly talking about her own wedding. The idea that you can’t talk about your wedding the day before any of your friends weddings or events lest you be thought of as inconsiderate is so utterly ridiculous to me.  Of course I might be biased because I followed the OP’s update where the friend ASKED OP to let her know the shower date ASAP and OP was pretty clear that she sent a pretty straight forward text (so not, like, gushing about her shower), which makes this seem even sillier on the friends part. 

Post # 28
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
armywifetobe:  …I just wonder what she thought the benefit of this conversation was going to be?

You were sick, it happens, being upset or not about it doesn’t change what happened….so why bring up the fact that she’s upset…what were you supposed to do about that?  Apologize more?

You’re both engaged and planning your own weddings, her insinuation that you picking May a year later for your wedding date had anything to do with hers is absurd…how many people get married in a year….and let’s see, there’s ONLY 12 months in which to do it, odds are good that some overlap is going to happen….you’re trying to coordinate with her for your events, she’s trying to coordinate with you on hers…it doesn’t matter who announces what first, this isn’t a patent office, just get it all planned already….

I really feel that you missing the shower made her angry, and she can’t admit that out loud, because all grown people know that everyone gets sick and its never convenient…but because of that little spark of angst – she kind of fanned the flames, got it over with and had a good old fashioned freak out…which she then pointed at you…which was stupid, because now someone has witnessed it….frankly I would pretend like that little talk never happened and continue with business as usual but if she tries it again, remind her that you’re doing your best here.

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