(Closed) bridesmaid drama… what to do?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

it sounds like she’s totally uninterested.  otherwise, she would have been excited and said yes!  i’m guessing she was hurt the night before, but that’s no excuse to be rude to you.  for what it’s worth, i think you’re most likely better off not having her in your party.

Post # 4
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Definitley retract the invite.  Whatever drama it would cause is far less than what could happen if you have to deal with her all through wedding planning.  We’ve all read the nightmarish posts about awful bridesmaids.

Or if you’re feeling nice and genuinely want her there (aren’t just trying to make amends), you could call her and say you were hurt by her response, ask what’s going on, and if she doesn’t seem excited, say you think it would be better if she weren’t in your wedding.

Post # 6
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with @Miss OBG. 

She doesn’t even seem like she wants to do it now, so leave her out- the drama is not going to be worth it!

Post # 7
781 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

leave her out. you don’t need more drama and stress.

Post # 8
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m going to give a different opinion here and say that I think maybe she thinks you are asking her out of pity or as an afterthought. You said that the other girls were already talking about being in the wedding the night before. To me it kind of seems like she might have been feeling hurt and left out.

Post # 11
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

just to tell her you were a bit hurt by her reaction, but you understood her disinterest and that she’d be more comfortable as a guest

Post # 12
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Why are you even bothering with this child?  Ask her if she wants to be the flower girl, instead, because that is more of her mindset anyway.

Post # 15
3 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

@nutMeg13: Frame it nicely but be sure to do it.  She might be feeling the same way.

I asked my best friend (I’ve known her for 20 years) to be maid of honor but she was just not up to being part of the wedding party unless things were convenient to her. Some examples include:

  • Not helping with planning a girls’ night out event in lieu of a bachelorette party because it was a long drive for her
  • Not showing up to the ceremony rehearsal on time because she had to wait for her boyfriend to come with her
  • Showing up late on the day of wedding for pre-ceremony pictures because she had been up late the night before

There were also other red flags, too — continuously saying that being a bridesmaid is expensive before we actually did anything (and I had bought all of the bridesmaids dresses and split the cost of the girls’ night out) and not being available to look for bridesmaid dresses.

I say just do it and do it quickly!

Post # 16
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

:/  I think it’s going to ruin your friendship seeing her reaction in the first place, that being said, I don’t think she is really your friend anyway. 

Anyone who munipulates you into doing somehting like making her a Bridesmaid or Best Man is not a friend.

You can tell her you acted too quickly and only want 2 MOHs and no BMs.  It prob won’t go over too well, but I’d say good riddence.

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