(Closed) Bridesmaid drama….POWER STRUGGLE

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was in a similarish situation once. I did a lot of things myself, and just avoided telling the other Bridesmaid or Best Man anything. I handed her a list of duties once, and she executed them, but I made sure I did more than she had. It’s kind of ridiculous how something like that will bring out the competitive spirit in you, so I also had to talk myself down a bit. She actually brought a homemade video montage of her and the bride to the bachelorette and we all watched it. It was kind of awkward. But–chin up! The wedding will end and the friendships will all fall back into place. Good luck! 

Post # 4
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I was Maid/Matron of Honor for a wedding and another bridesmaid totally flipped out because SHE wanted to be the MOH!  Keep in mind that I hardly knew this girl.  My friend talked to me about it and asked if I would be a Co-MOH with her other friend.  I said that was totally fine.

As you might imagine, it was a constant power struggle and a hot mess.  I was always nice but to be honest this girl was hard to work with!  For example, for the bachelorette party I wanted to take the bride to swing dance lessons in the city and she wanted to take the bride to her parent’s cabin in the middle of nowhere.  So we drove to the city, went dancing (which the bride TOTALLY loves, BTW) and then she drove us all in the middle of the night 2.5 hours to her parents cabin.  We slept there, played a couple games in the morning (maybe 30 mins) and then drove all the way back.  It was completely riddiculous!  The bridal shower was hosted by this girl’s mom- who I can only define as particular and power hungry and I literally had to pay for the invitations that named this other woman as the hostess- which was weird.  The Co-MOH threw a fit and made sure she was the one who stood next to my friend during the wedding.  The couple had to ask the Best Man to not sign the marriage certificate because it would be WW3 if she had me sign it and not the other girl (the Best Man didn’t care).  But the point was that it was kind of a disaster.  I tried to coordinate our speeches and she didn’t feel it was necessary- she didn’t write anything ahead of time, or practice.  My friend was definitely in a weird situation, but I know my friend really appreciated that I was the bigger person- and I’m the one who had a good speech, bustled her dress, and didn’t contribute to the drama.  But that other girl, she still hates me to this day bc I was the first choice for Maid/Matron of Honor and she wasn’t. 

Your situation isn’t exactly the same, but similar.  My best advice is to keep doing what you are doing- you are the Maid/Matron of Honor, you are in charge, and this other girl doesn’t need to know everything.  You should of course be nice to the girl, and focus your positive energy on your best friend’s upcoming nuptuals!! Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@HeartsandSparkles:  WTF! Why did the bride put up with her shit? 

 @RosaMaid7:  I think you should talk to her. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Honestly, I’d keep going the way you are and not trying to keep it under wraps. As long as the bride knows you’re there for her what does it matter if this other girl does a ton of work?

Keep telling everyone your ideas and let her do the work- it’s really a bonus to you more than anything IMO, and it’s all still being done.

Post # 9
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@RosaMaid7:  I don’t think it matters. It’s not like this is an actual job and you’re being put up for review. If you really really care you can always do a lot of suggesting things by email so that everyone knows you suggested it. 

Post # 10
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Maybe what you should do is give her her own special job so she won’t bug you about yours. An example of a duty could be making a cd with assorted songs for the morning of getting reading. Another could be just a bridal party movie night before the wedding with only the female bridal party invited and watching wedding related movies, like a pyjama party..

Post # 11
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@MrsPadlock2B:  Ooh- I like this idea! It might get the Bridesmaid or Best Man out of OP’s hair. 

As to whether OP should talk to the Bridesmaid or Best Man about this- I think it depends on the BM! If OP has a gut feeling that this convo would put the Bridesmaid or Best Man in her place, then go for it! If OP is worried a discussion may cause a rift, drama, or general awkwardness, then I wouldn’t talk to her about it. 

Post # 12
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@HeartsandSparkles:  exactly the thoughts about the discussion I had…

land with my idea especially about the little party the bride actually gets more events so I’m sure she would love it. Plus it’s a nice bonding nite just to wear your pjs, watch wedding movies, eat some yummy treats and just talk altogether 

Post # 15
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Glad my solution helps, all the best let me know it works out 

Post # 16
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

These stories sound so much like the movie “Bridesmaid” hahahha

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