Post # 30
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
I would say to her “Hey, I know you purchased your dress already, but it’s been eating at me. I eel like I was pressured to say yes to the coral dress when that is not at all what I envisioned for my wedding day. The color options like I have told you directly are blush or gold. I will reimburse you for the $358 spent on the coral dress so that you can purchase a dress in blush or gold to fit in with my wedding. Literally every detail is planned for and coral will throw it all off. If you are not willing to comply, I will understand if you would like to step down from being a bridesmaid.”
Post # 31
BalletParker : it’s 5 days and $400pp.
Post # 32
LittleKisses_xo : 5 days and $400pp for a bachelorette is a lot of time and money this girl spent for you to kick her out over a color you agreed to.
The real problem here is that you aren’t being clear and setting boundaries. Why would you kick her out over a color you agreed to? Buy back the dress, it’s less than she is paying for one of your parties, and tell her to get blush or gold. The end.
Post # 33
LittleKisses_xo : I think your update shows you have alot more reason to kick her out. However, if you do that – you have to keep in mind this will likely end your friendship. FWIW, she doesn’t sound extremely “well.” At least, not mentally/emotionally. I assume she has found a new job? That’s bizarre to quit over time off, but…I’m basing that on everything else from your post.
And to the PP who said “she doesn’t like coral, why are you trying to convince her?” Well. Because she agreed to the dress. And maybe she doesn’t want to kick her out as her first choice, or cough up $350 as another choice. Maybe it can be made to work .
Post # 34
llevinso : Maybe “Fall coral” = terra cotta?
Post # 35
This may have been addressed but is there any way you can exchange the dress for one in a different color? Has she already gotten it? While I don’t think a bride should dictate absolutely every detail about their BMs, I would be pissed if someone tried to change my wedding colors. If she didn’t like the color she didn’t have to be in the wedding. Being a kind of push over myself, I can kind of see why you didn’t want to upset her but you should have told her then no coral and you should tell her now and buy it back if needed.
Post # 36
Blush or gold sound beautiful. You should have held your ground on the dress. Now that you’ve let her rail road you on the dress she’ll probably complain about something else. I think you’re being incredibly too nice about it.
I don’t know what you’re going to do since she bought that dress, has anyone else bought that color dress? If not I’d suck it up and buy her another dress and tell her it’s either blush or gold and if she can’t understand then she can’t be in the wedding…IDK I guess I’m kind of mean but I would give her the chance to change her mind but if not she can’t be in the wedding.
Granted kicking her out of the wedding will definitely ruin your relationship but do you want one with her? It sounds like you’re getting tired of her from your second post.
Post # 37
If anything, since she already bought the dress (because you allowed her to change your vision), she’ll see the wedding photos and see how stupid she looks against the blush and gold colors.
Post # 38
LittleKisses_xo : Your update only shows that she’s admitted to struggling with jealousy and difficult feelings and felt pressured into an expensive bachelorette weekend she couldn’t afford, having had no part in the planning. It didn’t show that she wanted her Boyfriend or Best Friend to propose at your wedding, rather, after talking to you she may not fully trust the Boyfriend or Best Friend not to do something like that.
And once again, she chose coral because you took her shopping and said okay.
Post # 39
1) Since when is coral a “typical October color”? I think of fall leaf type colors as “typical” for that time of year.
2) Why is this such a big deal??? Who cares what colors they wear? Are they your friends or photo props? Why do they need to match the flowers and invitations and tablecloths? I find brides demanding that people wear certain colors VERY odd and have never understood it.
Post # 40
If you really don’t want the bridesmaids to wear coral dresses, the only thing you can do is apologize to your Bridesmaid or Best Man and say you changed your mind about the coral dress, that she needs to wear either blush or gold like the rest of the bridesmaids, and that you’ll reimburse her for the cost of the first dress. Be sure to stand up for yourself the rest of wedding planning, or else your wedding is going to be nothing that you want.
Post # 41
My advice would be get your Maid/Matron of Honor to wear blush and keep the other one in coral then have them both wear gold heels. Then just add little hints of coral like a PP said… 1 tie on groomsmen or 1 pocket scarf or all groomsmen have gold ties, the odd flower in the flower crown etc. At my brothers wedding, BMs had coral dresses, JR. BMs had blush dresses and the groomsmen had yellow/gold ties. Our bouquets had a mix of white, blush and coral flowers with a few sunflowers. It looked really sharp.
She has been acting kind of sketchy but I don’t know how much of that is out of character for her.
Do you still value her as a friend? It kind of sounds like you are a bit over the friendship.
Here are the three scenarios I might do depending on where you rank your friendship.
If it were my friend I would probably either find a way to make it work. But blush and coral are still both pink to me at the end of the day!
If I still want to be friends, but know it would create resentment towards her and I would be miserable on my wedding day then I would probably apologize and tell her I changed my mind. I would pay for a gold or blush dress for the ceremony say she could change after the ceremony and pictures into her coral dress.
If I didn’t care about the friendship anymore then I would ask her to stand down.
ETA: you could probably find a tie that is blush and coral. https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/203757643/mens-tie-silver-gray-pastel-pink-blush?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=blush%20coral%20striped%20tie&ref=sr_gallery_2 something like this would be perfect if it was gold and not silver.
Post # 42
BalletParker : You said that it’s less than she is paying for one of my parties, I’m not sure what you meant. I have to clairify that the bridesmaids are not throwing or paying for my shower. Their only “duty” is to pay for the dress and hair & makeup. It is their choice to throw a bachelorette party, I am okay with it being local. It seems like the Maid/Matron of Honor is making it more of a trip, which I am honored about.
Post # 43
LittleKisses_xo : Don’t feel guilty about the bachelorette party… It was the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man who came up with it. There were 3 of us and we ended up paying $250 each for our brides 1 night stay in Niagara falls and this was nothing fancy. So I think $400PP for 5 days is amazing.
Post # 44
LittleKisses_xo : I was referring to the bachelorette – It seems like she put a lot of money into your wedding already. You see? So kicking her out is pretty harsh, esp because you let her buy this dress.
I get that you feel like she’s being obnoxious, and yeah, no one cares what color she wants your wedding to be. But her hours at work and the fact that she doesn’t make a lot of money say that the money she spent on your wedding probably means it mattered to her.
Do what you want, obviously! I just thought there might be room for a frank discussion to save the relationship. It sounds like you let her walk all over you and who knows how she would react if you told her you made a mistake, you will pay for her coral dress, but she is wearing blush or gold.