Post # 1
So last night we went bridesmaid dress shopping. My mom, sister, Future Mother-In-Law, FSIL/Bridesmaid, and my other two bridesmaids. I wanted to keep an open mind into what the girls liked. i gave a few things I was looking for in the dress and that was about it. I didnt want it strapless was about it. Ideally I wanted a light gray dress since the wedding is in August. Just neutral and elegant.
Well for those who have read a post or two in the past you may know my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law and I do not always see eye to eye. I am more quiet where both are more outspoken.
Well since it was august I was thinking short dresses…But the Future Sister-In-Law suggested long. I ended up liking that idea with some of the flowier dresses they tried on. But then they started suggesting long black dresses. That was just not what I had in mind. I ended up saying black is not really what I had in mind. FMIL dropped the black idea for the rest of the night, but the Future Sister-In-Law did not. She whipped out 30 pictures on her phone of another August wedding she was in where they wore black. Finally another bridesmaid said lets move off the black idea. So i thought we were done with that…
The night ended with two dresses everyone liked. We have not made any decisions yet. My fiacee was supportive through out everything. From sending me a text prior to getting to the store reminding me he loved me and this was our day… not others.
Then this morning came and I got this amazing text from Future Mother-In-Law. Saying no matter what dress I pick it will be a beautiful wedding. That was so kind. But then the phone calls started to my fiance from his family (only his mom that I know of). Kind of saying how i was stressed out about colors and I shold just go with black. So now he is like would you wnat to do black?
If the dresses are long and black would that even work in august? I feel like it could work but just was not my vision. Just so hard when you think they really want to leave it up to you… but there is a bunch of work going on behind ya to get what they want…
SO here are the questions…
Black in August? If yes, would black long chiffon be okay? or is that too fall/winter?
Do you consider an all black and white wedding boring? I do not like the idea of bright flowers everywhere…
How do you deal with behind the scenes meddling?
Post # 3
Wow Sorry this a so long… I did not realize! I guess I just wanted to vent about the meddling too!
Post # 4
Ugh, poor you. That sounds mega sucky.
I think you need to go with what you want! And I think grey is a good compromise from black. Though I don’t think black wouldn’t work in august, I do think you need to go with your vision and if black isn’t that then say NO! You’ve already gone along with long when that wasn’t your initial wants.
Post # 5
I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with black at all. But I do think you should get what you want with the colors. If you envisioned light gray, then go with that!
Although, where are you located? You can always say you think long black dresses would be too hot in August (which it very well might be). I had a friend who was a bridesmaid in the California desert in a long black dress. It looked great but was TORTURE for her.
Post # 6
You need to nip Bridesmaidzilla in the bud before she becomes completely out of control and tries to get her own way on more things (speaking from experience). You said grey. Therefore, they will wear grey. There are plenty of dresses out there in the right colour which they can choose. Just say NO.
Post # 7
Why would choosing black make it “easier” on you than using a color that fits your vision?
That sounds crazy. If your bridesmaids (mainly Future Sister-In-Law from what I see) are trying to make you choose black when you’re unsure, thten stand up for yourself and tell them what color you want.
But if you’re fine with black, I think it would work in the summer, depending on what kind of wedding it was. My cousin (a very fashionable woman) had a black, silver and purple theme to her July wedding and had the bridesmaids wear black, it was lovely. They looked very nice!
Post # 8
@RexManningDay: We ar in Minnesota which means who knows about the weather… it could be very humid nad 100 or it could be 80 and perfect…
I know black can be so elegant, but I just am not sure of the long dresses in the summer in black… maybe I would like black more if the girls wanted the short dresses?
@Rachel631: I am trying to nip it but it is so hard because our relationship has been so rocky that I do not want to take a step back in my relationship with his family.
Post # 9
@Itsallcomingtogether: Have you discussed it with FI? Mine had surprisingly strong opinions about what BMs should wear. You should ask his opinion and, if he agrees, get him to fight this battle. But giving in is that start of a slippery slope…
Post # 10
@Rachel631: Yes… he has very strong opinions. He is great with color and those types of things. I am just thiking if he wants black now they got in his head…that was never even a color we were considering before
Post # 11
Get whatever color you want! Do not be pressured into black if it is not what you want. This is your day and you should not be pressured by everyone into a choice.
Post # 12
There is this awesome word, it accomplishes so much and is so very short…”No”
No, I would like grey dresses, not black.
No, I don’t want them to be strapless
No, I don’t want them to be long.
You go to the mirror and practice saying that word over and over again until you get it, No..no…NO!
I understand that it’s easy as a soft spoken and quiet person to be overwhelmed by the rackous and rowdy types, especially when they take it upon themselves to tag team you in the bridal boutique…but you know what you want…black doesn’t make things easier, in fact it’s just strange that they would be so gung ho about it anyway.
AND, if it’s just not your style to stand up to people, I am certain you have a friend that is more than willing to act as the mouth piece of your wishes, take her whenever you know you’ll be with these women and in a place where you have to make a decision..it’s ok to hedge your bets…it’s your wedding.
Post # 13
@Itsallcomingtogether: One thing I have learned is that, when it comes to this sort of thing, discuss it with your Fiance and then present a united front. Don’t mention his sister or any family or emotional issues. Just say something like:
“These are my wedding ideas so far. These are our colours. I was thinking of grey for the dresses, but black has also been suggested. I would prefer grey, but what is your opinion and why?”
Thrash it out with him and come to a conclusion between just the two of you. After that… it’s just tough on everyone else!
Post # 14
do light grey, black will be too hot if you take pictures outside, and its your choice do not bend to the whims of your Future Sister-In-Law