(Closed) Bridesmaid Dress – Question!

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If you paid for the dresses, especially that much, you should get them back! Unless they really want to keep them and you are okay with that. I do not think that it’s right for her to profit from something that you bought. It is pretty rude of her to be profiting off of a dress that she did not purchase.

I would just tell her that you already had a plan for them after the wedding. If she has a problem or is upset, just tell her that they cost a lot, and you were planning on doing something with them yourself. Tell her you did pay for her dress and shoes and are willing to pay for her makeup. Those really add up, though; maybe she will understand.

If you can part with the expenses, then I would just forget about it. 

Sorry if that wasn’t much help! Best of luck!

Post # 3
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Yikes! This is tricky….I know I would definately feel some kind of way about that too, but I would also have to remind myself that I gifted my BMs these dresses. Because of that, I wouldn’t really have a say in what they did with the dresses after my wedding. If I said in the beginning, “I’m purchasing your dresses, but I would like them all back after the wedding to resell them as a bundle”, then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But, to actively decide to ask for them back after I learn she’ll profit from the resell is a little tacky.

Depending on your relationship with her, I think you might have to forget about it. Interested in hearing what others think.

Post # 5
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t ask for them back (that may be odd), but I also think her comment was very rude. It would be one thing if she had bought the dress herself, and she made a comment like ‘I don’t mind spending a lot, because they have a high resale value’. By her telling you that she is happy she can get money from it is like implying you are paying her to be in your wedding

Post # 6
Member
47255 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

cubbiesbride:  She should have kept her mouth closed about her plan to sell the dress. On the other hand, you said you weren’t planning on asking for them back, so they are free to do with them what they will.

Better for her to sell it than simply leave it hanging in her closet for years.

Post # 7
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Are you planning on selling your dress after your wedding? Maybe you could say, “Hey girl, I’m selling my dress too! Why don’t we take the profits and do something nice for our moms. Or why don’t we both find a charity we’re passionate about and give to that.” I dunno, maybe it’ll lessen the sting if you know how she’s going to use the money. She may really need it, and is just too proud to say so. Or she might be super honest with you and say “No girl, I’m planning on buying myself a nice purse with that money”, in that case at least you know her cards!

Post # 8
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

I hear you, but once you give them the dress as a gift, it’s theirs to do with as they like. I would be within my rights to regift all my wedding gifts or even try to sell them on eBay for a profit if I wanted to, even though that would obviously be a shitty thing to do to the giver. Same principle here.

Post # 9
Member
2506 posts
Sugar bee

cubbiesbride:  i think it depends on whether you’re purchasing the dress as a “gift”, or if you’re just picking up the tab (out of either cultural expectation or generosity). If you’re giving the dresses to the girls as “gifts”, then it shoudln’t matter what they do with them. however, if you’re picking up the tab for the dress, then it’s YOUR dress, and i would expect the dress back. that is to say, the girls should consider the dresses as “borrowed” from you, rather than “given” to them.

Post # 10
Member
49 posts
Newbee

I totally get that you’d feel tacky for asking for it back…

 

BUT her saying she’s going to re-sell it is 100000x more tacky and rude! Take that dress back and sell it yourself.

Post # 11
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Yeah, that was definitely not the right thing for her to say.  If she’s a close friend, you could joke with her that you get half the proceeds 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Her comment was a bit rude and pretty dense. Hopefully, your BMs are all very appreciative of you purchasing their dresses, etc. I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man five tinew and I always purchased my own Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. 

But maybe just let it go for now… If she brings it up again, I like the coebt above re: saying something jokingly about splitting the profit.

if she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in another wedding, she will likely have a new appreciation for your help.

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