(Closed) Bridesmaid Dresses Dilemma

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I don’t really know what you could even do at this point, you picked the dresses knowing who your bridesmaids were so you should have known that your Maid/Matron of Honor wouldn’t look good in one or more of the dresses but you still let them pick which ones they wanted? If you want the “new” dress/es, I would say to tell the girls you just decided you wanted a different color (and, obviously, order the new dresses in an entirely new color) AND I think you should buy them for all the girls AND pay for the dresses they already bought.  They will probably still be pouty but at least they aren’t negatively impacted financially, and paying for the dresses the girls already bought won’t leave the other bridesmaids feeling like they bought a dress for nothing while the Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t have to buy anything.  

Post # 4
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@tigergrrl2008:  Can we see the dress?  Assuming it’s not inappropriate in some way (like leaning towards slutty) I don’t see why you wouldn’t let your Maid/Matron of Honor wear the dress she wants.  Presumably she knows her only body better than anyone else but even if she’ll hellbent on wearing a less flattering dress, it won’t affect you in any way.  It sounds like you really love your Maid/Matron of Honor and that you picked her to be in your wedding party to have her support, not to be a prop in photos.  Don’t stress on this detail, I guarantee it won’t matter to you in the long run.  I think this one falls squarely in the “let it go” pile.  Oh, and sometimes a good pair of spanx can make an unforgiving dress look great anyway 😉  Good luck!!

Post # 5
397 posts
Helper bee

@tigergrrl2008:  It doesn’t sound like your being an ass about anything.  Just concerned for your Maid/Matron of Honor.  

Has she tried the dress?  Once on she might think it isn’t suited best for her body style.

And as for the Bridesmaid or Best Man situation, I actually like how you handled that.  If the one was suppose to go for the shopping trip and didn’t she loses out!  

Post # 6
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Some people LOVE unflattering dresses! Unless it’s obscene (like her breasts are LITERALLY falling out), I’d let her have it and move on!

Post # 7
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

As for the BMs liking the same dress, I guess I don’t understand why they can’t both wear the same dress- they both like it.  It might also make the BMs look less “helter skelter.”  In fact, if the 3rd Bridesmaid or Best Man also likes that dress, then have the 3 BMs wear the dress and have the Maid/Matron of Honor wear the dress she likes (MOH are often is a different dress than the BMs anyway).  In terms of your Maid/Matron of Honor as long as the dress isn’t completely scandalous, then I would let her wear it.  What’s important isn’t how you think she looks in the dress- if she feels beautiful in it, then she should wear it. 

Post # 8
133 posts
Blushing bee

Don’t overcontrol your Bridesmaid or Best Man looks.  Let the two get the dress they want even though it’s the same and let the Maid/Matron of Honor get the unflattering one.  It’s totally unfair to let some choose and not others, particularly due to body-type or an arbitrary display of “commitment.”  You’re being unreasonable.  Everyone only cares about your dress, and making dumb rules about what the others can and can’t wear within a collection will not make your day any more special.  It will make you a nasty bride.

Post # 9
4041 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Maybe take a picture of her in the dress to show her? But really, if she thinks she looks good in it, I don’t really know if it’s your “place” to tell her she doesn’t look good in it. It may surprise you and it may look good on her, OR she may try it on and realize it doesn’t look that great. If you can’t try on the actual dress she is looking at, suggest going to try on “like” styles and see if it something she really wants. She may get it on and not like it. Trying on like styles is your only way to go.

The bottom line is this: If you don’t want her in the dress, then I guess it’s your prerogative to tell her–but expect the backlash. Offer her a different dress you think would flatter her–talk up her positive attributes. Does she have a tiny waist? A nice behind? Long legs to show off, etc. Stuff like that so when you’re making the comment it won’t look very good, you aren’t so much insulting her as wanting her to look her best with something that flatters her body. If the dress is unflattering in an inappropriate way, then tell her so and mention that you don’t want too much skin showing, a dress that hugging, etc.

On the other part you posted, it seems you were giving your bridesmaids a choice…until two liked the same dress…Why not just have them all in that dress then? Taking it from one to give to the other is not going to help matters. You’ve kind of started a bit of a mess for yourself, haha. Either you are going to choose what they wear or you aren’t–you can’t be doing both and you can’t be unhappy when the decisions fall together accordingly. I had a friend who was going to let us choose, but then she vetoed every dress me and her other bridesmaids showed her until she finally “guided” us towards what she wanted–basically, she wanted us to feel as if we were choosing our own dresses so she would appear more relaxed and we wouldn’t resent her, but in the end just couldn’t do it.  

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