Post # 1
So my best friend and my two sisters are my bridesmaids. I told them that I’m not doing matching bridesmaid dresses, they can wear whatever they want, as long as it’s not a) white b) black or c) more formal than my wedding dress. I thought this would be a great way for them to have the choice to save money by using a dress they already have, or to get themselves a new party dress they love. My bff showed me a dress she has last time I visited, it’s blue satin – I don’t love it, don’t think it’s the greatest for my afternoon garden thing, but then I didn’t see it on her either, so I could be wrong. Anyway, as long as she’s happy with it, I truly don’t care what she wears.
The real problem is with my sisters, who want to be told what to wear. They keep asking me for suggestions, colors, and how they should coordinate with bff. The appearance of the wedding party seems to be super-important to them! I can kind of see how they want to be all three in a similar type of dress. But how can I tell bff now that the dress she had thought of won’t work and she has to go buy one? She is a different body type than my sisters, and I’m terrible at picking out clothes for myself, let alone other people, so even suggesting a color at jcrew makes me nervous that she won’t find anything she likes or that will fit. I don’t want them to spend a lot if they don’t want to, I don’t want anything matchy, I don’t like typical bm dresses…this is what I was trying to avoid having to do! But at the same time, I can’t dismiss my baby sisters’ wishes. Maybe we could take all our dresses over to bff’s condo and have a look-see and then go shopping together?
Argh, this is making it hard to be a laid-back bride. But maybe being so “I don’t care, whatever” makes me seem like as much of a brideszilla as being too hands-on. Any suggestions? I loved the recent post on favorite mis-matched bms!
Post # 3
do your sisters know your bff well? if not, maybe you could talk to her and tell her how your sisters are feeling. Then they could decide between themselves what to do about it…
btw, I think you’re being awfully brave by letting them decide what to wear with such a loose outline. I’m too much of a control freak for that..lol..I chose the color and then had them pick the dress they wanted to wear. They picked a simple dress from David’s Bridal ($99)
Post # 4
Have you bff take a picture of her dress and send it to you. Then print out copies or send a copy to each of your sisters, and have them ask the sales person what they think would complement the other dress. Also, give them a picture of your gown. The sales people should be able to point them in the right direction and that would take the pressure off of you.
Post # 5
Taking them all shopping, after they’ve seen your bff’s dress is a good idea. Maybe they can find dresses that compliment her dress. So you won’t have to ask her to buy something. Or, maybe you can all agree on a color and they can find whatever they like from there. Is the issue that you don’t think she’s financially able to buy a new dress? My BM’s needed direction too. I think its common. They don’t want to disappoint you, even when you tell them its no biggie.
Post # 6
If it comes down to it, can your friend take back her dress? I like the other bees’ suggestions. I think your instructions might have been a bit too laid back. If I was your Bridesmaid or Best Man , I’d probably want a little something more to go on. I think if you can choose a color, fabric, length, that will give them a good idea. Also have they seen your dress to know how formal it is? I’m not sure how fashion conscious they are, but they might need help just deciding if you think the dresses are too formal.
I don’t think it will be that hard if you’re not requiring them to wear the same thing. Each of them can wear something, a little more flattering to their frames.
Post # 7
I really don’t care about the bridesmaids dresses either, but one of my friends tried to give her bridesmaids free reign and had really bad luck as well. What I ended up doing is I told all the bridesmaids to buy a purple dress, then I went online and found 5-6 options that I liked and sent the links to them. I told them they could pick one of the ones I had picked or something else if they liked that. This seems to have worked so far, they haven’t bothered me about it.
Could you possibly pick some blue dresses online that you like to “match” with your friend and send them to your sisters to placate them?
Post # 8
If you really don’t want to get involved, assign one of them the job of coordinating everyone and give them some simple guidelines. My girls all picked their own dresses, but I did tell them formality, that I prefered short to long, the color etc…
When I was in my MOHs wedding, she told us to pick our own dresses and while yes, it’s very cool, it was also incredibly stressful because you really want to look appropriate and you want the bride to be happy and if she isnt’ giving feedback it can be challenging. I ended up buying two dresses just in case she hated my first choice!
Post # 9
I was the same way but all of my BM’s (yep, all 8 of them) wanted me to pick something FOR them. Duuuude, I’m not paying for them and I’m not the one who has to wear it for 14hours. I think we finally did decide on a dress that they can chop & wear again – actually, I want it! LOL But I can’t take any credit – my Maid/Matron of Honor found it.
What about Dress Barn? They usually have really cute dresses at certain times of the year (Holidays/NYE, Prom, etc) – I have a couple really cute sundresses from there that I always get a compliment on & everyone just assumes it’s from Macy’s or Nordstrom or something.
Edit: Oh & Dress Barn usually has petite & plus sizes too if you need em.
Post # 10
I totally sympathize. Telling people to do what they want at weddings sometimes just makes them more anxious. It’s like there is an anxiety vacuum created if you are chill and someone has to step in and fill the vacuum. OMG NOBODYS FREAKING OUT LET ME FREAK OUT ABOUT THIS
Post # 11
Not only are we “date twins” but I’m having the same problems as you! I thought I was doing my bridal party a favor by giving them loose guidelines and letting them pick their own dresses. Turns out 2 out of 3 really want me to TELL THEM what to wear (one even asked whether I prefer dyed-to-match shoes or silver strappy sandals. Really? I need to have an opinion on this?). The third is gravitating towards inappropriate (dressier than mine) dresses and needs to be roped in.
Just this morning, I finally selected a few David’s Bridal dresses online and said: Here. Pick one of these! I’ll let you know how that turns out.
Some brides have such an intricately thought-out vision of their wedding, and I’m beginning to envy them. For me, wedding planning has been an exercise in forcing myself to form dozens of opinions about things that truly aren’t all that important to me.
Post # 12
I agree that this sounds like a perfect duty to delegate to your Maid/Matron of Honor. Sit down with her and look at some pictures on the internet so she has an idea of what you like/don’t like as guidelines when helping the others shop. If you’re not able to get together, just save a handful of images off the web to send her :o)