Post # 1
Alrights bees, I need your help, please. I got engaged in October of 2010. With it being pretty close to the holidays, and us being short on money we decided to wait to start actively “planning” the wedding until about January/February 2011. We finally decided to make our wedding date March 2012.
In mid-March of this year, I finally asked my two close friends to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid. “A” has been my friend since 6th grade. We have been through thick and thin together. “B” is one of my dearest friends. We have a lot in common and she is VERY fun to hang out with. We have all minimally talked about my wedding since it’s a little ways away, which is FINE with me. I like to take things slow and make thorough informed decisions. “A” and “B’ were both made aware of my wedding date.
“B” texts me on the 5th of this month and informs me that SHE is now getting married, in September of this year! Fine, fine….but I don’t want to hear about it EVERY second of the day! In 5 days, I have gotten 110 messages about HER wedding, telling me every last detail! I don’t push MY stuff on anyone like that, because I know no one cares as much as I do about my own stuff!! She is still in my wedding, and I need HER help too!
She asked me to be a bridesmaid, which is fine, I’d love to…..but I have to save my money for my big day too. I know I shouldn’t accept if I don’t think I can afford it, but that sounds so awful and selfish….what about asking me about my day some too? By the time my day comes, I won’t even want to go to my wedding, I’ll feel like I’ll be so burned out. WHAT TO DO?!?! I just need her to back off some. I want to help her make decisions, but I feel like I already know her whole wedding, and it’s 5 MONTHS AWAY!! I can’t take 5 more months of this!!
Please, I need advice. Am I being a spoiled brat, or someone that needs to have a talk with her bridesmaid before we’re not friends anymore over this?!?!
Post # 3
@WhirlyGirl: you’ve had somewhat of a long engagement, so you can’t really expect that someone isn’t going to get married in that time…I don’t think you are being a brat though. Her wedding is closer, so she has a lot to get done in a short amount of time and probably needs support.
When I first started to plan my wedding, I wanted everyone who was close to me to be involved…and then I noticed they all stopped calling or texting me as often and I realized that they really didn’t want to be apart of the wedding as much as I wanted them to. That is okay with me, but maybe you should spend a week or so away from talking to her just so you can cool down.
And your wedding is far after hers so she will have time to focus on yours also. I think it would be a different story if her wedding was two months before yours–I would be upset in that case if I were you.
My best advice is to be as good of a friend to her as you would like her to be to you…and if it continues, talk to her and tell her “hey, I’ve been planning my wedding for a longer period of time and I asked you to be my bridesmaid but it seems like you could care less amount my wedding”
Post # 4
@WhirlyGirl: I think you need to breathe and relax. You are not being a brat, you are just annoyed. Maybe stop responding to her texts and she will get the picture? You have to remember that she is as excited about her big day as you are about yours. She just has less time to make it perfect, as we all want our days to be and is prob very stressed out like we all are! Chill out for a sec and take some time for yourself and your wedding then be there for your friend just like you want her there for yours!
Post # 5
It’s honestly one of those “no win” situations. I broke the news that I couldn’t afford to be in her wedding today. She is extremely hurt and mad at me now, which I don’t think is fair becasue I TOLD her from the beginning (which was a week ago ) that I was having financial problems. She just doesn’t see why I can’t work it out, and I’m not letting her help me pay.