(Closed) Bridesmaid dropout, should she be invited to wedding?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should Bridesmaid B be invited to the wedding?

    Yes

    No

    Other (explain below)

  • Post # 32
    Member
    379 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Out of curiosity, what culture are you?  I’m like the other PP that haven’t ever heard of the BM’s having to pay for their own flowers. 

    I also agree that you should invite her.  She can always say no.  But I think inviting her would make you the bigger person. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    4107 posts
    Honey bee

    i also have never heard of BMs paying for flowers. but that is beside the point. you asked your BMs and they all agreed, including B.  what she should have done was break down the $600 so you would have understand how it was costing her that much.  like Miss Tattoo said, it could be the other prewedding parties that add onto to costs, plus gifts, etc.  the first time i was a Bridesmaid or Best Man, i added up everything i spent money on related to the wedding and it came out to $1000!  my dress however was $200 + alterations and i did not pay for my flowers.

    basically, i think you two had a lot of miscommunication and need to talk it out. i would send her the invite. she doesn’t have to come, but at least it leaves the door open to patch things up if you ever want to.

    Post # 34
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I could forgive the dropping out and being a general b*tch but she attacked your wedding behind your back and is blaming you for her problems (not being able to attend another wedding)…so I don’t know how I’d feel. : If you think the relationship could be salvaged then send the invite. You really wouldn’t even have to see or talk to her all night anyway

    Post # 35
    Member
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    omg what on earth!?!?! BRIDESMAIDS DONT PAY FOR THEIR FLOWERS PERIOD! thats part of your vendor expenses sweetheart. Where did you get that idea from??

    Post # 36
    Member
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Have you thought that perhaps her added costs are towards a gift for you, engagement present, a bach party, a bridal shower perhaps? 

    I don’t think you’ve sought to ask her how she came up with the $600.  Rather you got in to an argument and are wondering why she said that figure. 

    If she was a good enough friend to consider in the first place, I find it ourageous that you’d consider not even inviting her to the wedding now, simply because she’s spoken out about the costs. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    3949 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I’d invite her … a last ditch effort to save the friendship. And maybe it is cultural/regional… but i’ve never had to pay for flowers or anything else I may have carried.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1486 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    If I were you, I would invite her.  But considering how much drama there is in this situation, I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t come.  I don’t think your relationship is ruined, but it seems very very bruised.  I would speak with her in person, as soon as possible, to try and save the friendship, if that is something you are interested in doing.

    Post # 39
    Member
    323 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    The flowers surprised me as well…although so did paying for the bridal party’s hotel room.  Considering the hotel room is much more expensive, a fifty dollar bouquet shouldn’t have been a dealbreaker.

    I was very relieved that one of my attendants is male when I realized how much I would be paying for flowers, hairs, make-up, etc.  Then again, my other attendants are my sister and sister-in-law so I’m paying for their dresses and accessories (but not hotel). 

    Post # 40
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @julieandjaiden: capslocks = yelling, please don’t yell at the OP. She has already said that in her culture – and all of the weddings she’s been in – the BMs pay for their own flowers. It’s not wrong, it’s just different. Considering she’s paying for their hotel and food as well as not dictating specific shoes, hair and makeup ($$$), asking for them to pay $50 for flowers is not bad at all.

    OP, it’s nice of you to invite her. It sounds like she’s stubborn and that she wont accept – especially since she hasn’t talked to you since the fight and was complaining that your wedding was interfering with her wanting to be in another friend’s wedding. In My Humble Opinion, it’s probably for the best that she dropped out considering how demanding she was being… but like

    View original reply
    AmeliaBedelia, I also have low BS tolerance. Good luck!

    Post # 41
    Member
    7086 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It sound to me as if A) she is jealous B) other financial issues arose and she freaked C) there is something else personal going on that she hasn’t told you about. 

    In any of the cases, she was a good enough friend that you asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man so she should still be invited.  I would send a note inside the invitation telling her you were sorry that she is unable to be in the wedding (and you totally understand) but that you have been good friends and you hope that she will still come and enjoy your special day.  If she cannot make it, then maybe you two can meet for coffee in the next month and you can share some photos.  It truely does sound like there is more going on that she may not be telling you about.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    If I were a bridesmaid, I’d rather pay for the bouquet than hotel 😉 Just sayin! I know how you feel OP, I’ve had money issues with a couple of my girls too (which sucks since there are only three of them!) but I think I would be the bigger person and still invite her. If she doesn’t show to support you, that’s on her. And she won’t be able to say that she didn’t have the money.

    Post # 43
    Member
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @elliestan: thats cute. im not yelling at anyone. what culture is this??? dont tell me how i should express my opinion please.

    Post # 45
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If she’s trash talking behind your back, and is handling her withdrawal in such an immature manner, I would save her the trouble and ~astronomic~ cost, and not invite her.

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