(Closed) Bridesmaid dropped out and wants back in? Please help me.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?
    Fix things with her so I don't have issues with my MOH. : (3 votes)
    8 %
    Let it go, don't answer her email, don't call, text, etc. : (13 votes)
    34 %
    Fix things with her and move on, it's not worth loosing a friendship over. : (16 votes)
    42 %
    other, please explain. : (6 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Wow. What a situation!

    First of all, you do not have to have people at your wedding who don’t like you. That is a given. It might have been more tactful to mention that to her beforehand though if she’s one of those girls who is in denial about her boyfriend (we allllllll know them)

    I would send her an extremely nice email about how much you appreciate her apology and how grateful you are that she wants to work things out. Do not invite her back into the wedding. If she wants to be your friend she will be your friend, and if she doesn’t, she wont’ be, but don’t re-commit yourself to months more of drama!

    Post # 5
    Member
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Hmm. Well, to be honest, it doesn’t sound like you were as diplomatic in your conversations with her as you could have been, so I can see why she’d be upset, even if she shouldn’t have gotten that upset/communicated it in the ways she did. (I’d be upset too if someone I thought was a good friend told me that I’m completely undependable! It probably also would have been better to address the boyfriend issue proactively, before she received the invite, but that’s a done deal now.)

    I guess I’d say, think back to why you initially asked her to be a bridesmaid. If you think the friendship is salvageable then sit down for a nice (long) conversation with her. If it’s not and you really don’t ever want to be friends again, then you need to let her know that. In that case, I’d talk to the Maid/Matron of Honor and let her know the situation as neutrally as possible.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think you should ignore her apology, but I think at this point it’s too much of an effort for you to keep her in the wedding. What’s the point – it sounds like she already skipped all the events and hasn’t done much in the way of being a bridesmaid. I think a rational email explaining why you would love to see her at the wedding as a guest but don’t have the energy to deal with more bridesmaid drama is the way to go. If you think your Maid/Matron of Honor would be upset by this i would check in with her and explain the situation.

    Post # 10
    Member
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    So she already knew and she still flipped out??? REALLY in denial!

    What about an email like this

    Dear_____________

    I really appreciated your email. You and I have been through a lot together and I’m so glad it means enough to you that you want to work on our relationship. The wedding is probably putting a lot of stress on both of us, now, and I’m sure once the wedding is over things will be easier. Even though you said you won’t be at the wedding, I hope you will still come as a guest.

    Love,

    You

    Post # 11
    Member
    1537 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I had a very similar bridesmaid. From day one she was hot and cold. I tried to just chalk it up to her having problems at home, but in the end my kindness back fired. To make a long story short she flaked out on my a few times and showed up to only a couple of wedding related events. At one point she even informed me that she would not be able to attend my destination wedding and therefore couldn’t be a bridesmaid. 3 weeks before our departure she suddenly informed me that she had in fact ordered her bridesmaid dress “just in case” and that she would be coming to the wedding now. Not wanting to turn down her support I okayed this thinking that she was showing effort.

    This was a really big mistake on my part. The whole reason she wasn’t going to come in the first place was because her boyfriend couldn’t come. She ended up coming without him, but the whole week of our vacation was ruined by her crying about her boyfriend and their relationship woes. On two seperate nights she even got so drunk and out of control upset about her boyfriend that she made a scene in front of my other guests. She even went as far as getting in a fight with another bridesmaid. My cousin tried to difuse the situation, but this bridesmaid made everything about her and didn’t even stop to think that she might be ruining my rehersal dinner or wedding night. After the wedding she completely ditched me to go party with some people from Australia who were also staying at our resort.

    Looking back I know now that I should have learnt from her previous actions. She wasn’t there to support me because she had never taken on that role before. She was there to party and be the centre of attention and drama. It’s really sad thinking that I could have spared myself the tears on my wedding day…and I’m not talking about tears of joy 🙁

    Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    That puts some different color on the situation. I am guessing she’s just young and unaware of general customs. I like beansy’s email, sounds like a good way to handle it. Maybe add or follow up with a coffee-type offer, if you want to try recovering the friendship.

    Re group settings issue w/MOH – what I’ve found as I’ve gotten older, is those group settings start to die off naturally. In college I always hung out with the same group but now we see each other largely on an individual basis. Other groups I spend time with now are smaller than they used to be – perhaps 4-6 for dinner instead of 6-10 for drinks. I used to be sad about it, but I now appreciate the quality over quantity aspect of it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3068 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    You are planning a wedding and do not needed the added stress. You do not have time for her childish games. She has already missed out on all your important events because she was acting like a brat. I would tell her you accept her apology and thats it. Do not invite her to be back in the wedidng and make sure she KNOWS that even though she is now only a guest, her bf STILL is not invited to the wedding 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Make amends, but don’t let her back in the wedding. It’s not fair for you to have to deal with this drama for the next month! It’s supposed to be the happiest time of your life, let it be that!

    The topic ‘Bridesmaid dropped out and wants back in? Please help me.’ is closed to new replies.

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