- 6 years ago
I’m not sure how I should deal with a couple issues I have involving an upcoming wedding I’m in:
1. The bride is my childhood best friend, we’ve been friends for 16 years. We did grow apart some in high school and college as we went to different schools and made other friends, but we were still included in each others’ lives. When we were kids we would talk about being in each others’ weddings, and since I have no siblings I always planned to ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, when the time comes.
When she asked me to be a bridesmaid, of course I was very happy. HOWEVER, she proceeded to tell me that she originally planned to only have her sister and her closest college girlfriend as bridesmaids until a friend of hers from high school approached her, upset that she and I weren’t asked. I had no idea about any of this, and frankly would have been much better off not knowing. I assume she told me because she didn’t want me to hear it first from HS Friend, who can’t keep anything quiet. The bride claims she didn’t ask us originally because there are only two groomsmen and she isn’t familiar with how weddings are “supposed” to work, but after HS Friend talked to her, she thought about it and she really wants me there.
I feel hurt knowing I was added to the bridal party as a “second thought” only because someone else guilted her into it, especially when her first thought was for a friend she’s only known a few years, but I’m not sure how to approach the subject without seeming ungrateful and hurting her in the process.
2. While I’m grateful that HS Friend approached her, I do have issues with her. She is very competitive about everything, especially her friendship with the bride. Even the bride has told me that this girl is possessive of her, and seems to think of the bride as “hers.” (Seen “Bridesmaids”? It’s really not too far off from that.) She constantly tries to prove how much closer she is to the bride than anyone else.
I know she is jealous of the bride’s friendship with College Friend, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel slighted sometimes, too, since College Friend is pretty clingy and the bride isn’t always the best at including everyone. When HS Friend was talking to me about it, she actually said, “I’m sure you were jealous, too, when I started being friends with the Bride and you two stopped hanging out as much.” I told her I wasn’t, because I really wasn’t ever jealous of her and she had nothing to do with how often I saw my friend, but by her actions I can tell she WANTS me to be jealous of her.
I’m not a competitive person, I don’t want to stoop to her level and play her game, but I feel like my only other option is to let her be a “friend hog” and throw her weight around. Even the bride is worried that HS Friend will try to “take over” the bridal party. I try to ignore her competitiveness and just have a good time when we’re all together, but she’s obviously insecure and possessive and can’t just “hang out,” it always has to be a contest. How do I put her in her place without causing a rift or stooping to her level?
EDIT: Maybe “put her in her place” was a poor choice of words. I don’t want to get even, I want her to stop acting so competitive and immature WITHOUT having to “prove” anything to her, and without inciting her wrath.