- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I know this sounds bad but I had to ask one of my bridesmaids to step down. Other than my sister, she had the longest time (over a year) to get everything together. She and I used to work together and had gotten to be friends then. I had actually chosen her over 2 friends that I have know a lot longer!
As a couple Mr Dawnabbey and I were in a difficult situation as our wedding is an international one and I had said to her from the start that if, for any reason, our wedding date of 10-10-10 could not happen in the US we would still be holding a religous, but not legal, celebration here (Canada) and that she would be my only attendant on that day.
From the beginning she hasn’t been able to show up for anything – shopping for dresses, shoes (mine and thiers) different dinners etc. I didn’t fret as I understand that people have to work for a living and maybe the pre-wedding stuff just wasn’t a priority.For me the big thing was to show up on the day of and just before.
The time grew close and she wasn’t returning most of my calls. I had done everything for her, even paid for one of her outfits as I felt that more than one was a stretch since it is not common in western weddings. I went with her to make her dress purchase as she felt she needed help. By September she still wasn’t communicating so I left a message to call me when things cleared up. 10-10-10 was just a few days away and nothing but a terse VM left at a time when I am always working. I called and called. NOTHING! Finally I left her a message on FB gently explaining that I needed her to step down. I felt horrible and still do. Since then we have spoken and I tried to be as gentle and kind as I could but to me not showing up on the “day” was just too much. I offered to buy back her bridesmaid dress so she would not be out of pocket for anything and have asked my friend since elementary school to step in – something she agreed to immediately.
I told her when we finally spoke that we would still love to have her come to the wedding but it was pretty clear that the responsibility of being a bridemaid was too much for at this time and that the last thing we wanted to do was be a burden to anyone, in terms of time or finances. She said that was fine – “whatever you want”. But I still feel bad. Why are weddings so complicated?