(Closed) Bridesmaid from Hell or Bridezilla?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
433 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you are overstepping by asking her not to wear the bow. Where I’m from BMs and the bride collaborate on the hairstyle together. The BMs have say, but it’s the brides final approval.


Though I don’t know why this is such a big deal. IMO, I wouldn’t dare get in a huff about having to wear my hair a certain way for a friends wedding. And I certainly wouldn’t argue about having a headpiece if she wasn’t a fan. 

Post # 18
640 posts
Busy bee

I too think both you are your Bridesmaid or Best Man are being a bit difficult.

I don’t think you’re being quite as lenient as you think you are regarding the dresses.  You really didn’t let them pick them out on their own since you said it had to be this designer, in this color, in this fabric and oh yeah, it had to have runching on the front.  You wanted a more uniform look and that’s fine – just own up to that.  Some brides want the girls to all look alike and others don’t – neither is right or wrong.

I think the Bridesmaid or Best Man are wrong for complaining about the dresses though.  It’s one day; they’ll get over it.  I’ve worn plenty of Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses that I hated (and in my area it is customary for the Bridesmaid or Best Man to pay for their own dresses) and while I may complain about it here and to my other friends, I realize that’s what I’m getting into when I agree to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

I find nothing wrong with the Bridesmaid or Best Man wanting to wear a bow on the back of her head.  Are you paying for the hair to be done?  If so I think you can request a certain look but if you’re not, I would be annoyed if I was told I couldn’t wear a certain hair accessory.  I guess you can wait and see what the bow actually looks like and decide how much of a stink you want to make about it.  Me personally, if one of my friends wanted to wear a bow, I’d let them.  At the end of the day, all eyes are going to be on you and if it makes your friend happy to wear a bow, is it worth starting a stink about if you don’t let her?

Post # 19
7838 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

As long as the big bow doesn’t show from the front don’t worry about it. If it does you might want to point out to her that it may look odd (imagine little wings sticking out of your head in pictures) and she should scale it back. 

You gave them a fairly narrow selection of dresses from which to choose but, so? They aren’t bad–I’ve worn much worse. It’s very rude of them to be complaining after it’s too late to do anything about it.

I’m very anti Stepford-identical/bridesmaids-as-props but you don’t seem to be of that mindset.

Maybe plan a girls’ night with the agreement there will be no wedding discussions whatsoever and remind each other why you are friends?

Post # 20
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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MrsPhishBee:  I think everyone is being a drama queen and needs to chill. Sure, it’s “your” day (I actually hate that…it’s the couple’s day), but that doesn’t mean you get to dictate every aspect of someone’s appearance. No one pays attention to the wedding party unless they do something outrageous (this doesn’t fall in that category). You really didn’t give that much freedom in the dresses, which is fine. They are being overly dramatic there, but don’t pretend to have given so many options when you selected the designer, color, length, rouging. In general, I’m in the camp that thinks the bride doesn’t get to control her bridesmaids’ every feature because they’re people, not props. They also accepted the duty and should accept that means (for some) a specific dress/style. 

Post # 21
6799 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The giant bow strikes me as “cute” not “elegant”. I could totally picture it for a vintage wedding, but it doesn’t go with the dresses you’ve got there, IMO. The smaller bow would look much classier. I don’t understand them saying they hated their dresses – they picked them, so it’s their own fault. If I were you, I’d say so, and they’re welcome to pick out something different along your guidelines. I don’t care for that one-strap one either, but if it were me, I would have just picked out a different dress… duh.

“After she didn’t get her way she said the day was going to miserable and that she was going to go with her hair down and straight (she has super long hair) not get her nails done and just “go through the motions” and “get the day over with” Which also really hurt…”

That is hurtful but you might be better off if she does have that little tantrum. I am not personally a fan of giant tattoos and would be happy if the hair covered it. No one at all will notice her manicure so that’s no big deal. I have no idea what my best friend’s hands looked like on her wedding day or mine. Anyway, if she’s really a best friend, she’ll get over her snit and be perfecetly sensible on your day. If she arrives acting like a jerk, I’d suggest asking her to be a guest instead – I wouldn’t want those bad memories in all my wedding photos and it would be clear the friendship is already over so I wouldn’t worry about ending it myself.


As a chill bride who ‘required’ very little of her gals, far less than you did, I don’t think anything you’ve requested seems unreasonable at all.  If they were to wear whatever they wanted, however they wanted, they might as well just be guests!  Narrowing it down to 5 or so choices doesn’t seem out of line to me at all.

Post # 22
2238 posts
Buzzing bee

You’re not being a bridezilla. If you don’t want her to wear the bow, make it clear that she can’t wear the bow. 

It’s your event. What your bridesmaids wear is your decision. Even if you’ve left some decisions up to them, you still get to veto the choices they’ve made that you dislike.

If the bow is so important to her — more important than what the bride herself wants — she can wear it while she’s sitting in the audience with all the other guests.

ETA: if you feel like being generous, you can tell her that she can wear the bow at the reception, after the ceremony and after all of the photos have been taken. You don’t even have to do that, though. All of this is truly your decision and no one else’s. 

Post # 25
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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MrsPhishBee:  Yes, yes, but it is still limiting. I do know that designer, but giving several specifications is limiting. As I said, if you are up front about these, there is nothing wrong and they are being dramatic. In commenot about the entire situation mentioned, I believe everyone involved is just creating drama where none is needed. 

Post # 26
1549 posts
Bumble bee

You didn’t give them a huge amount of choice with the dresses, but that’s what they signed up for!! It’s beyond rude to complain about the dresses now! I understand if you picked something really unflattering or uncomfortable (ie strapless for large busted women!), but that doesn’t seem to be their complaint. 

The hair bow is not really a big deal. One of you obviously has to compromise. That could be you, because realistically it won’t matter if she wears it or not. BUT I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the Bridesmaid or Best Man to compromise! It’s one day and it’s a stupid hair bow. Why do they want to make an issue of this!?! I’d be annoyed too. 

Post # 27
81 posts
Worker bee

The people taking your BM’s side are out of their freaking minds! It’s your day. When you sign up to be a bridesmaid, you are basically agreeing to someone else dressing you and picking your hair for the day. When I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friend’s wedding, I paid for a dress I’d never pick for myself (sight-unseen btw), paid for my hair to be done without knowing what style it would be until that day. The only option I had were the style of my shoes, but the color had to be silver.

And option you give is fair enough. You could tell them to wear burlap sacs and tin can hats and they should still go with it. If not, then they can attend as a guest.

Post # 28
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Not going to lie, I love the bow. But thats me. It would be cute if all of your BM’s did. As for dresses/outfits, I’m a FIRM believer in comfort. The last thing I would want is one of my BM’s dying all night before of some dress I thought was cute. Took a peek at Pinterest. The mismatched dress look is very popular, and usually goes really well togethher.

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