Bridesmaid frustration

posted 1 month ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

Wtf? How old are they? Is there any chance that money has anything to do with skipping the pre-wedding events?

I’m all about bridesmaids saying no when they can’t afford what the bride wants, but it doesnt sound like that’s the case here. That’s just rude and unreasonable to move your shower date three times, and now try to move the bachelorette party date after knowing the date for a year.

Post # 3
Member
8608 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

rnggirl :  Did you plan your own shower and bachlorette? That could be part of the problem. 

Post # 6
Member
8608 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

rnggirl :  I would stop trying to accomodate them. If they make it, they make it. If they don’t, they don’t. It was kind of you to include them, but apparently it’s not that important to them. If you stop bending over backwards for people who don’t appreciate it, you will stop feeling resentful about bending over backwards for people who don’t appreciate it. It is perfectly acceptable to say “We’re not changing the dates. I’m sorry you can’t make it. We’ll have a drink in your honor.”

Post # 7
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I think because you have accomodated them so much in the past year they now think it is expected of you to changed the dates because of them. You were being very nice and now they don’t like it so now they are throwing a hissy fit. Stand your ground. Enough is enough.

Post # 8
Member
1775 posts
Buzzing bee

They are being unbelievably rude, and you have also let them walk all over you trying to be too accommodating. Stop goingout of your way that hard and expect less from them. If they are being actually unkind to you it’s your finances job to tell them to cut it out. It’s his sisters and thus his responsibility to tell his family to respect you when they are out of line. 

 

rnggirl :  

Post # 9
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

rnggirl :  honestly this site always finds a way to surprise me. Mid thirties, tick. Good jobs, tick. Childish whiners, tick. 

Why are people so goddamn difficult. As pp have said. It sounds like they’re used to the world (including you) bending over backwards for them, and relish in the fact when it does. 

Stand your ground. Let them have a hissy fit. It’s their goddamn problem. They can sit there at home, boutique G&T in hand, pinkies in the air with likely non existent plans for why the weekend had to be moved, while you’re off having the time of your life. 

Fuck ’em Bee.

Post # 11
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

rnggirl :  I’m glad you let them know that and yes, I totally agree that sometimes being nice doesn’t work out. I had my husband’s only sister as a Bridesmaid, because I thought it would mean something to my Mother-In-Law. Neither one of them was nice at all. Although I am sure that I wasn’t perfect, like you I made a serious effort to accomodate them. I actually figured the same as you, I wanted a bridal party of people who would be part of our married life, and there is much more chance of that with family than with friends, usually. And, like you, I also assumed that bc I was dealing with adults who were older, settled, supposedly mature, etc., that the whole thing would be drama-free. Boy, was I wrong. Suffice it to say that we have since cut them off, and now it really hurts that no matter how nice I tried to be, my wedding, which was otherwise a joyful occasion, and was definitely the start of a happy marriage, included people who obviously did not care one thing about me or my husband as human beings. I mean, we were in my brother’s wedding and again, although I’m sure that we weren’t perfect, we certainly did not start drama, because well, you just don’t DO that, to anyone!

But I feel like all too often, a groom’s family (particular the females) will put the bride-to-be in basically a no-win situation. If you don’t have them in, they resent it – but if you do have them, they also resent it, as if they are doing you this huge favor by wearing a dress and complaining about everything else involved. If you involve them in the planning, they act like you are bothering them – but if you dare leave them out, they get offended and accuse the bride of only caring about her own family. I really went out of my way to try to avoid any drama or fights, but looking back I realize that there is NOTHING that I could have done that they would NOT have had a problem with.

Well, I hope it isn’t to that extent with you, though it does sound like they just don’t get it. They don’t feel horrible that one event had to be rescheduled FOR THEM three times?! And now, with a year’s notice, they want another rescheduling? Oh, I am SO glad that you are not giving in. They owe you an apology, though don’t expect one or you will be disappointed.

Hope the rest of your wedding plans are drama-free! Congratulations and enjoy!

Post # 12
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - City, State

My future sister in law doesn’t seem happy about my wedding either and she is a bridesmaid. Three years ago I wasn’t even a briedesmaid in her wedding but I did all kinds of stuff for her. What is going on with her?? Is she mad she isn’t the center of attention? I don’t know what is up with these sister in laws.oldmarriedlady51 :  

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