(Closed) Bridesmaid gifts,,,,can I give them to someone else instead?……

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, they are fairly generic gifts for females who have helped you in the wedding.  So if you feel strongly about certain women, give them the bracelets instead and find something smaller for your bridesmaids.  For example, you can give one to your emotional supportive friend, one to mother, mother-in-law, etc.  However, I would wait a bit and make sure that this is really what you want to do and you’re not just temporarily upset or frustrated.

I’m planning on giving my gifts at the rehearsal dinner, but if you’re planning on giving fancier gifts to people not in your bridal party, you may want to do it individually.

 Good luck! 

Post # 4
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Funny you mentioned this…

It’s really sad, but after much thought, I downgraded my BMs gifts after I realized that they really weren’t making the effort that their gifts deserved! It’s not like I’m not giving them a gift (I’m still giving them personalized stationery and an individual, different gift for each girl, along with a pashmina in my wedding color), but I was also going to give them a cute clutch filled with day-of essentials and a manicure, which I’m not doing now. For the girls who have come through for me (there are 2 who have been absolutely fabulous who aren’t BMs), I’m giving them the clutches and the manicures. I’m giving the BMs their gifts at the rehearsal dinner, and the other 2 girls their gifts when we’re getting the manicures the day before the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Bridesmaids are not required to attend bridal showers and bachelorette parties!!  Do they live in different cities, do they have families or demanding jobs? sometimes it’s just not possible for them to drop everything and come have a couple drinks with you and buy all those extra presents.  It’s not something that should make you upset.  It doesn’t mean they don’t love and support you.  

If this new girl has been such a help, I’d buy a separate gift to give to her, but I wouldn’t necessarily take away from the bridesmaids.    

Post # 6
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Livvie, I totally understand where you’re coming from, but if your bridesmaids just aren’t interested or engaging, I don’t think they deserve to be showered with a number of thank you gifts. While their presence at parties is *definitely* not required, for me, the fact that they weren’t there (they’re single, local, and it was a Sunday brunch) was simply a manifestation of their disinterest. I think that’s probably what the original poster was getting at also.

Post # 8
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

They are your bridesmaids- not slaves. Gifts they "deserve"? wow. tacky. I’d give them what I planned originally. It is your wedding, not theirs- obviously they are not going to obsess over every detail the way you will.

Post # 10
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

well, technically the only thing you are asking them to do when you ask them to be bridesmaids is actually be in the wedding!  Also keep in mind that it is their time, money and effort that will be there the day of your wedding.  I just hope that you aren’t forgetting the important things here, while worrying about what these guests who are in the same line of work as you will think.  ANyway, you can give your bridesmaids whatever you want.  Honestly, it sounds to me that maybe they are also only doing what they think you deserve?  Asking them to go to Las Vegas and then getting mad that they can’t afford it really isn’t fair.  The economy is REALLY crappy right now.  I suggest you take a breather, relax, and remember the important things – you are marrying the one you love, and you have all these friends who are supporting that decision.  Give them whatever you want, but don’t do it because you think they aren’t doing enough for you.  and the gifts are traditionally given out at the rehearsal dinner.

Post # 11
Member
27 posts
Newbee

I think you should give the gift to people who have done something for you to be thankful for. You have decide what that means to you.

Post # 12
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

I just looked up the word "gift" on dictionary.com.  Here are two of the definitions:

1.something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.

3.something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned.<span class=”ital-inline”>

Post # 13
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

3.something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned.

 

 

EXACTLY. They are doing her a favor.

Post # 14
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Except inherent in that definition is the fact that you WANT to give a gift to someone, not feel OBLIGATED to give a gift. You’re right, gifts shouldn’t be earned. But if someone has made you feel bad, why on earth would you give them a gift to thank them for what they’ve done for you? Come on, isn’t that like, common sense?!

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Did they buy dresses? Will they be at the rehearsal and spending the day with you getting ready?  Are they friends/family who you care about?

I think all the other stuff is nice, but optional.  Don’t be upset with them for not making these things, think about how special they are (hopefully) and how they will be an important part of your *day* (someone here said it best-  you get a day, not a week, not a month, not a year, a day).  They aren’t on call for every other wedding related event you have…

That said, you don’t have to give them a gift, or such a nice gift.  You have to decide what feels right.
 

Post # 16
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

I TOTALLY disagree with some people here….

Bridesmaids should be there to help the bride…not the other way around. The bride doesn’t need to cater to every bridesmaid’s whim and YES…the bridal shower and the bachelorrette are situations the BRIDESMAIDS and Maid/Matron of Honor should plan for the bride.

YES, they’re "doing the bride a favor" but FRIENDS should NOT CHARGE for "favors"…you know what I mean….

You become a b*tchy bridesmaid when you feel entitled to having more and giving less to the bride that asked for HELP…is the bride’s day…not the bridesmaid’s day….get it together!

Life happens…but "friends" should be there to help out!

If they suck at being bridesmaids…you shouldn’t have to spend your $ giving something they don’t deserve!

You just don’t give $100 worth of stuff to someone that has only been a pain in the butt or somebody that stresses you and has caused you pain…that’s just stupid! 

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