(Closed) Bridesmaid gifts,,,,can I give them to someone else instead?……

posted 13 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
4 posts

If you chose these people to be your BMs, then they must be people who are important to you.  I’m sure that they would love to be there for you in every way possible, but sometimes life gets in the way.  There may also be other relationship issues going on here that you will eventually work through with them.  I’d lower my expectations and just be very thankful for anything that they do to help.  Give them the bracelets and find a nice gift for your other friend who has come through for you.  If you burn bridges with your BMs you’ll either regret the fallout or ever asking them to be your BMs everytime you look at your wedding photos. 

Post # 19
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Do what you like- you’re obviously not asking for advice.

Post # 21
181 posts
Blushing bee

I know many ppl have their own opinions about this, but there are so many factors that play into the expectations of being a bridemaid.

I personally think that when someone asks you to be a bm, it means your friendship/relationship is valued.  I don’t think a bm’s responsibility is to just show up the day of the wedding,..if that was so, then they could just have been a regular guest.  Depending on how close the bride is to the bm matters as well.  If you’ve known someone for 10+ years and considered them your good friend, you’d expect them to care or give a little more effort.  So danigirlygirl, I think you have a right to be somewhat disappointed. 

If your bm couldn’t make it to one event or other events, they should have spoken to you individually if there were any conflicts in schedule or anything of that sort.  I’m sure you’d understand if that was so. 

Though gifts are not mandatory for bms either, I’d definitely show the persons that have been your support system through your process the appreciation with a gift. 

Post # 22
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think if you DO have expectations of your bridesmaids, then you need to make those clear when you ask people, so they know what you are really asking them.  If you think they need to plan parties for you and help you with tasks, you should let them know ahead of time.  Otherwise you might expect things they never planned on doing.  They might not know they need to do things for you otherwise, they might just think that they get the dress and walk down the aisle…since you are already past this point, I would have open discussions with them.  Don’t let a shower or party ruin a friendship.  Just talk open and honestly, without the bitterness – you will likely find these girls love you and had no idea how important their presence was to you at these events….

Post # 23
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I like History Bride’s suggestion – give the bracelets to those who supported you and who you truly felt supported you. This gift is a token of your appreciation. Your bridesmaids don’t know the bracelets were intended for them. Give the bridesmaids something else, as a thank you for standing up for you on your wedding day. Give them something that feels right, as Janna19 suggested.

As for being hurt, I would have been hurt, too. If you are still hurt, perhaps you could broach (individually) the subject with each bridesmaid. Let them know you were hurt they couldn’t be there for you. I so often hear of friendships ending during the course of a wedding: tell them so that you avoid bitterness. It’s a shame to end a friendship over not attending a bridal shower. So if you feel it’ll save your friendship, approach it gently with your bridesmaids. However, if you think it’ll only make things awkward or create frustration for you all, then let it go.

Good luck with your decision!

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