(Closed) Bridesmaid gone… 2 days before the wedding!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

That is so sad….

I am sorry you are down a bridesmaid, but your friend really needs to get out of that relationship before it is to late. I hope she didn’t get into trouble for you going over there. Please don’t drop her as a friend. She really needs you now. She might not be able to contact you when she wants to, but one of these days, you will probably get a call to come to her. I think she needs to find some place safe to go to get away from her boyfriend. But she has to come to that decision on her own. Just make sure she knows that you support her with whatever she decided to do. If it is up to her boyfriend, she will have no family or friends available to her.

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@noritake22: Agree 100%, but the catch is she wont be willing to leave.  She is in an abusive relationship. You cant change that, only she can.  The sad part is that you are here in happiness, and she is the one who needs the most help. Please help her.  But please also appreciate the gifts you have been given.

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@aubrav:typical of a controlling bf or husband ( not surprising) but remind her that you will do what you can and that she has the abilities to do it for herself. She has been remote for a long time, but she needs you now more than she has ever needed you, even if the thank is not returned.

Post # 7
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It can’t hurt to try and help her find options of getting away from him. The hardest part is getting away to begin with. My father abused me, but for some insane reason, I never thought about leaving, plenty of people knew what was going on, and yet nobody lifted a finger to help me get out. When I finally got the guts to leave on my own, everyone and their dog was waiting to help me, which was great… but it would have been soooo much easier if I’d had help just getting out. Sometimes a person in that situation can only think of the bad things that might happen if they leave, and not consider how good the decision could turn out to be. Just an example. I’ve been there, done that, and know just how much it can suck.

There’s always organizations and shelters that are more than willing to help out a mother and child. All you have to do is ask. If one organization can’t help, they’ll most certainly have a list of others that can.

Post # 9
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First of all congratulations on your last night as miss!! I am so sorry you have to deal with this the night before your wedding 🙁 how sad for your friend that she is in a situation like this. I second what everyone else said by just continuing to be there for her, she needs a rock she can hold on to. I know it’s a heavy burden to bear but if she is your friend you should do whatever you can to help her out. I just wanna find her and hug her 🙁 and kick her bf in his “man”hood.

Post # 10
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@aubrav: Help find her a safe shelter to stay at, arrange a time to meet up with her when he isn’t there, and just help her quickly pack up the absolute essentials. Get the heck out of Dodge. Drive her to the safe shelter and help her get checked in, and make sure she has what she needs. It sounds like a big harsh step, but that’s how things get started. She may loose posessions and confidance, and it will be hard for a while, but it sounds like the eventual benefits would outweigh the negatives. Having been in a similar situation, I’ve always told all my friends that if they find themselves in a similar bind, they shouldn’t hesitate to call me, now that I’m on my own feet and can return the favor (though hopefully I won’t need to). Ten years is way too long to have somebody ruin a life like that.

Post # 11
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

What a psycho bf.

Post # 12
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sorry to sound negative, but I think you need to drop her as a friend. =(

Let her know that you will always be there for her if she really needs you or when she is ready to get out of the relationship. Until then, there is absolutely nothing that you can do to help her.

I’m in the exact same situation. Unfortunately, the girl is my sister and I cannot simply break up with her. My family and I have tried everything – EVERYTHING we can think of to get her away from him. I even offered to let her live with me and my Fiance for free, for as long as she needed to get back on her feet.

Sadly so many girls stay in abusive relationships and it hurts everyone around them. I wish that she wasn’t my sister because I do not want to be friends with her. It hurts me so much to see her husband manipulating her, and all she does is defend him. Stupid girl.

Post # 13
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

get a bunch of the groomsmen to kidnap him and keep him locked up in the hotel closet for the rest of the weekend. O_O

Post # 15
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is there any way you can see her when he’s not around (at her place of work, when he’s guaranteed not to be home, etc) and talk to her? His behavior is totally unacceptable, and whether or not she’s ready to admit it, she needs to get out of this relationship.

He is cutting her off from people who can help her, it’s just another way of controlling her. That’s why you need to talk to her when he isn’t there/won’t know about it. Why you can’t call (he probably checks her phone records), email (he probably reads her email) or text (he obviously has control of her phone).

Something this major might be a breaking point for her. The truth is, your friend is in a VERY dangerous place – if he is not already physically abusive, I would be willing to bet obscene amounts of money that he will be soon. It will take something major (like this) to help her realize that and sort of snap emotionally though – she has to snap or she’ll never let herself leave, because he has succeeded in gaining control over her emotionally. She is trapped, not physically but mentally, by him. You, as her friend, can help her realize (for herself) that she doesn’t have to stay, use the situation as leverage. 

I know your wedding is in 2 days, but honestly the sooner you try to help her, the better. Otherwise time will sort of heal the wound and she’ll make excuses for him and it will lose it’s effectiveness. Is there any way you or another good friend who knows and really understands the situation could get to her and talk to her asap, make her talk, keep pressing “Why is this acceptable?” until she realizes it’s not?

Post # 16
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This sucks but if I were you I’d let it go. If you can somehow force her back into your wedding, who knows what he is capable of? He may cause some dramatic scene, show up, etc. Remember your overall goal, which is for everything go smoothly and have a great time.

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