(Closed) Bridesmaid Gone Wild (Literally)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds like your friend really needs help, but she needs to be willing to accept help.

It also sounds like the possibility of her remaining in the wedding is causing a significant amount ofstress and anxiety for you. If it were me, I would meet with her and tell her that yourecognize she is having an extremely difficult time right now and you don’t want to burden her with the stress of the wedding and Maid/Matron of Honor duties on top of everything else she is currently dealing with. Invite her and her family as guests. That allows her to choose whether or not to attend, and it will not significantly impact the ceremony should she choose not to attend that day. 

Are you close with her significant other or family at all? I would make sure you make them aware of your concerns, if you that you are able to approach them. 

Post # 5
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The girl really needs help…..Professional help.

Does she have family you can contact?

Post # 7
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds to me like your wedding is stressing her out too.  By the comments that she is unsure and that she’s self conscious in front of other people, it sounds like she’s struggling inside knowing that she wants to try to be a good friend and be in your wedding, but her demons are just stronger.  I think it would be a relief to you both if you told her to please come as a guest and enjoy herself (I wouldn’t threaten her to behave herself, because when she has a drink or two at the reception and remembers that admonishment, she’ll resent it and misbehave on purpose) and then move forward with your other bridesmaids.  She needs help, there is no doubt.  Maybe having her politely removed from the wedding party will be what she needs to finally push her into some sort of treatment.

Post # 8
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

What pp said , for your own sake she should be removed from your wedding. If you cant trust her to behave you’ll be on pins and needles the whole day! She has to want the help and she’s not there yet, hopefully for her children she will be soon. Until then let her know you’re still her friend but can’t let your wedding be ruined.

Post # 9
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t think even an intervention will help her.  She needs to hit rock bottom and realize she needs to change, for her own sake.  It could be another arrest, with a prison sentence this time, or getting her kids taken away.  She obviously hasn’t reached the point yet where she really feels like she needs to change–she just says it because it’s what people want to hear and it temporarily gets them off her back.

I’d count her out of the wedding because of all the stress she’s causing and how she’s flaked out and lied to you in the past.  Look at what she did to her boyfriend and his family.  Do you want her pulling something similar at your ceremony or reception?  You can’t trust addicts, at least active ones.  

Post # 11
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@aheavel:  I think asking her to step down will do her more good than letting her get away with what’s been going on.  Like a PP said, she needs to hit rock bottom before she’ll get help.  This might be it.

Post # 12
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with PPs, she needs to hit rock bottom in order to realize that she really has a problem. An addict thinks that they can stop taking drugs and stop drinking whenever they want to. This is their denial stage, and you friend is clearly in that. 

I think you need to tell her that you appreciate her wanting to be in your wedding, but at this point, it would be better for her to come as a guest. I understand you’re hurt that she didn’t come to these events, but she’s a drug addict. All she cares about is her next high at this point. So cut her lose and try to be there for her as a friend. If that’s too much for you, then it’s time to distance yourself from her.

Post # 14
8 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you should ask her to step down. It’s obvious she is going through a lot but this is YOUR day and based on her track record how do you even know if she will show up at the wedding? Having her as a bridesmaid seems like it would only add to your stress.

If you are not ready to cut her off completely, you can still support her. but having her involved in the wedding seems risky and likely to cause you unnecessary stress.

Im so sorry you are going through this.


Post # 15
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well. She isn’t fit to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man right now. Tell her she needs help if she doesn’t listen to you she doesn’t listen. Working with drug addicts unless they want help even if they go thru a program it won’t work. You need to drop her from ur wedding all she is doing is adding stress to you and herself 

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