(Closed) Bridesmaid got engaged a month after me

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

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emily1234 :  This friend has always been that one friend who always has to “one up” me

Yeah, that’s not really considered ‘friend’ behavior past sophomore year of high school. Adults usually just call that ‘being a dick.’ I don’t know why you involved someone like this in your wedding, but here you are. 

-“We consider weddings to be family events, so my family is participating.”

-“Girl is this an audit?”

-“You seem really concerned about this, are you losing sleep over my linen rentals?”

-“I’m not sure why you’re trying to make that your business. Anyway how’s Dave doing at his new job?”

Ultimately I think you need to have a conversation with her. Let her know you chose her as a bridesmaid to support you, not tear you down at every opportunity–and that if planning her own wedding while participating in yours is too stressful for her, you understand and wish her well in focusing more fully on her own priorities. 

Post # 17
Member
3664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I’d stop sharing details with her and I’d tell her to mind her own damn business. Where the funding for your wedding comes from is none of her concern.

Post # 18
Member
928 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like this friendship is already ruined.

Post # 19
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

I have a similar friend. I nipped this in the bud by doing one thing:

Stop sharing with her. 

Stop sharing with her. 

Stop sharing with her. 

Often, we are so happy about the good news in our lives that we can’t wait to include others. Her behavior keeps showing you that she isn’t the friend to share with. Share as little as possible. She cannot compete with what she knows nothing about. 

Your accomplisents and business are no less valuable if no one knows about them. 

Post # 20
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Wow! I had the opposite experience with my BFF! We were engaged within a few weeks of each other and my wedding was first. We bounced ideas off each other, showed each other what we were doing/planning it was a BLAST!!! We never one uped each other and were very supportive. We both even had similar weddings outside in parks and never felt that it was competition our weddings were still completely different and beautiful.

I’m sorry you are going through this 🙁 

Post # 21
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

She’s jealous of you! Don’t feed the monster. Tell her you’re blessed that your Dad can help you out with wedding expenses. 

Sorry she’s making things miserablefor you. Might need heart to heart about how you both have good things happening in your life and having different things aren’t bad or good! 

Post # 22
Member
704 posts
Busy bee

She sounds miserable.  Don’t let her ruin your day.  Tell her the comments bother you.  And that she can either quit with the comments or not be in your bridal party. 

Post # 23
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

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stefzbee :  +1 “Oversharing gets exhausting” 

I didn’t have a single person ask me who was paying for what & I can’t imagine a scenario where I would offer up this info as a conversation starter. OP if you are a willing participant in this ongoing oneupmanship of hers, you’re only perpetuating the problem. 

Post # 24
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Nobody asked how we paid for our wedding.  It’s not the polite thing to ask.

Stop sharing and redirect the conversations. If that doesn’t work you’ll need to sit down with her and have a firm but friendly chat about financial conversations.

Post # 25
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
kaitlyn4170 :  I honestly think this is a perfect way for OP to respond! 

The topic ‘Bridesmaid got engaged a month after me’ is closed to new replies.

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