Post # 1
Ok, I need to vent a bit, and hopefully if I am being unfair or unreasonable, you all will tell me!
First of all, in the interest of full disclosure, I completely do not understand the whole matchy-matchy bridesmaid thing. Totally not going to happen in my own wedding. But if my friends want matchy-matchiness in their own weddings, I’m happy to play along …. to a point.
As a bridesmaid, I fully expect to pay for my own dress and my own alterations. So although I think the dress is ugly and I will never wear it again, I didn’t grumble about shelling out for it. When the bride asked us to pay for specific shoes, I started to feel a little irritated but I went along with it. Now I’m informed that we will also be paying to have our hair and nails professionally done. (Mercifully, we’re allowed to do our own makeup.)
Am I wrong to be pissed off about this? Up to a certain point, I think it’s reasonable to expect bridesmaids to pay for their own attire. But when a bride has a super-specific vision of how everyone’s hair, nails, shoes, and accessories must be, I feel it should be on her dime — if not, then she should be more flexible.
What do you think, bees? Am I out of line to be grouchy, or is the bride asking too much?
Post # 3
I pretty much agree with you. I’m actually paying for my gals to get their hair done, but I’m not choosing a style for them, whatever they feel good in, ya know? And I’m certainly not forcing them to get a mani/pedi.
Post # 4
I think you have a point about the hair/makeup/nails/accessories. I been a bridesmaid in 3 wedding and the bride has always told us that it is optional to have our hair/makeup/nails done and only in 1 did we all have the same necklaces (but the bride gifted them to us). In all three wedding we would have had to pay for our own services. I have opted to have makeup done no times, hair done twice, and nails done in all three. The bride’s all didn’t care less what we did or didn’t choose to have done.
And in the one wedding where I had to buy matching shoes, I was a little irritated, but understood and went with it because different shoes could potentially lead to different overall looks, whereas hair/makeup/nails I don’t think have the same kind of impact on the outfit.
Post # 5
I’m with you and the hair / nails / makeup but not with the shoes. If a bride wants matchy-matchy (that’s the look I prefer) then I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking for specific shoes (within a reasonable price of course) because different shoes can really change the overall look (therefore no longer the matchy-matchy the bride wants). I especially feel this way with short dresses where the shoes are always very visible.
But if the bride wants you to have professional services of any kind (hair / nails / make-up / etc) those should be on her dime! I offered to get my girls appointments with me for those things so that we could all hang out and bond but none of it was required since I can’t afford to cover them all. If they want to do their own hair / nails / makeup, then that is fine with me!
Post # 6
I agree with you!
When my sister got married, she wanted all of us to have the same dress, same necklace, and our hair done…so she paid for part of the dresses, all of the jewelry, and all of our hair to be done. We were allowed to make our own nail / shoe decisions. Everyone looked perfectly put together … and was very happy to not have to waste hundreds of dollars.
Maybe I just got lucky to have such a sweet sis, but I would be very annoyed if I was expected to pay for all of that. No one should be looking at the bridesmaid’s nails!! Can you ask her if you can do them yourself in a color that is to her liking?
Post # 7
I will pipe in here, because I am guilty of being one of those brides who likes everything to be matchy matchy!!
However, as their BM gift I gave the girls their shoes, accessories, and nail polish to match their dresses. I left it up to them whether or not they went and got their nails professionally done, and if they didn’t, I would do it for them (I am an esthetician). I also chose a very simple hair style that they did not need a professional stylist to execute.
If you’re feeling like being a part of your friends wedding is breaking the bank, maybe get together with the other girls and talk to the bride about having your manicures and hair styles as her gift to you.
Post # 8
Thanks bees! This makes me feel better. I will of course be a good sport about it all, but it’s nice to know that my frustration is not totally out of line.
There is totally nothing wrong with the matchy-matchy look! If it is a big priority to the bride and helps make her wedding more special to her, then more power to her, absolutely.
I just wish this bride could show the flexibility and consideration you all obviously showed your maids. I won’t lie, cost is an issue for me. Not so much that I can’t suck it up and deal for the sake of my friend…. although I will continue to secretly wish my friend was the kind of friend who wouldn’t ask me to jeopardize my credit rating, lol.
Post # 9
I agree with you completely! I like my bridesmaids as the individuals they are and want them to feel pretty that day- I shouldn’t have all the fun. I’m paying for them to get their hair done ($300 total), they chose to add makeup for $25, For their dresses, I chose the color and fabric and let them choose the style, and they’re wearing their own gold shoes. I’m trying to remember how I felt to be a bridesmaid, after paying for flights, hotels, shoes, dying the shoes (don’t get me started).
Post # 10
I completely agree with you–to a point. I’m in a wedding this August and the bride allowed us to choose whatever style dress we wanted (as long as it was the same color) and whatever silver shoes we wanted. Her mom is paying for our pedicures and the brides gifted us with the same pearl necklace. While she didn’t schedule for us maids to get our makeup and hair done professionally (she is allowing us to do them ourselves), she did let us know where she’s getting hers done in case we opted to pay for yourselves. Obviously, she’d love to pamper us with everything but they just can’t afford it. I personally wouldn’t want to do my own hair and makeup for a special event (mainly because I don’t trust myself to make it look good!) so I’m paying for the hair/makeup.