Post # 1
Hello! I am going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding coming up. The bride was engaged for over a year before asking her bridesmaids to stand with her (and less than 6 months before the wedding), the only one that was certain was her 17 year old sister as her Maid/Matron of Honor. Thank goodness, the dresses were able to be ordered without having a rush charge. Initially we were going to be able to wear our own black pumps (which everyone had), and then it was changed to black patent leather, round toe pumps (which no one had)…which surprisingly was difficult to find. The cheapest pair I was able to find was $30 including shipping, which isn’t bad at all…just an unexpected cost. Now the bride wants us to pay $75 to have our hair done the day of the wedding (this $75 doesn’t include makeup…I paid $100 for bridal updo and makeup the day of my wedding) so that we all “look similar.” The issue is that the girls all have different ethnic backgrounds, hair lenth, and texture. Outside of a simple bun, we’re not really going to be able to look similar because you can’t do certain updos (she wants updos, which is totally fine) with short hair/thick/long/etc that you can do with the opposite. I just don’t really understand the logic of paying $75 for someone to put our hair in a bun? I mean if it’s something that the girls want to choose…that’s fine, but if you’re able to do your own hair and it still be an updo similar to the others and it still looks nice and polished…why pay that much more to have someone else do it?
So if you’re still with me…the question I have is…are bridesmaids required to pay to get their hair done? If the bride wants hair done in a certain way, I always thought that she would pay for it? Not sure if I’m totally off base and would just really like some outside opinions 🙂
Thank you Bees!!!
Post # 3
@SouthernTulip: Technically youre right – if she wants it done a certain way, then she should be paying for it.
Part of accepting a bridesmaid position comes with costs associated with it. As an example, in Canada its usually the bridesmaids who pay for their hair and makeup regardless.
This may vary across cultures, etc, but thats how its done here.
If you really dont want to, approach the bride and let her know. If she insists – suck it up and pay the money, go somewhere cheaper beforehand, or drop out.
Post # 4
In my region the bridesmaids typically pay to have their hair done, however, I know that this isn’t true everywhere. You are definitely not required to pay to get your hair done. Have you guys brought this up to her? Maybe you could all do your hair up in the way she wants to show her how simple it is. Otherwise if she still insists on having it done professionally ask if you can find your own salon. I have had much more extensive updos for cheaper than $75.
Post # 5
Hi ladies! Thank you so much for the feedback! If we had known from the outset that she had wanted us to have our hair done, I would have been a little more understanding, but dropping this on us a few weeks before hand I think is a little without notice, especially considering that I’m the only one she’s told this to, so the other girls don’t even know. They think they’re doing their own hair.
She wants us to have it done by the girl who is doing her hair so that we all look the same, she’s not open to us going to another salon. I found another salon in town that will do it for like $30-45 depending on how complex the design is, and she’s not open to allowing that. I’ve shown her different hairstyles that I can do myself and could do on the others, and she was not okay with that either.
I just feel like she’s dropping all these last minute things on us, and the only way we know is because I’m asking…otherwise we wouldn’t know. And I feel like she should be a little more negotiable about where we’re getting it done?
I guess I’m just out of line…I just have never heard of a bride requiring a particular hairstyle and not paying for it or being open to having it done somewhere else…
Post # 6
@SouthernTulip: It could be a price thing, too – My hairstylist is cheaper if I have over 5 people get their hair done on the same day.
Post # 7
I don’t think bridesmaids should have to pay to get their hair/makeup done… but I have never seen a clear consensus on this. I paid for my girls’ hair and makeup. The ones who have been bridesmaids before said they didn’t expect me to, and that they had to pay for it or do their own at other weddings. But then they also said I was an exceptionally easy bride to deal with compared to the other weddings they’d bridesmaided at, so, there’s that.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
If she’s making you get your hair done, she should pay for it. I want my girls to get it done but don’t want to pay for it so I didn’t offer to pay (I have 7 girls!). There are some styles you can do yourself that look professional- check youtube.
Post # 9
@SouthernTulip: I don’t think you’re out of line at all. I think she should be more open to your suggestions and she should have been more up front about it to begin with. The weddings that I have been in and had to pay for my own hair- the bride always let us know fairly early. And really if I had asked any of them if I could just do it myself they probably would have let me. $75 is a lot of money for a basic hair style like that. It seems like if you and the other BMs all went to the cheaper place you could all still have the same hairstyle. FWIW I wouldn’t ask my BMs to get their hair done unless I was planning on paying for it.
Post # 10
Thank you all so much for your feedback! I super appreciate it!!!