(Closed) Bridesmaid Hair Dilemma

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

DGN85 :  I think your request is reasonable. Your sister should suck it up.

My opinion is that you choose how the bridesmaids look on the day, as long as (a) you pay, (b) it doesn’t affect how they look outside the wedding day (like demanding it be cut or coloured), (c) it’s not demeaning (like a dress with more cleavage than they’re comfortable with). So if she doesn’t like the hairstyle, that’s like if she doesn’t like the bridesmaid dress colour you’ve chosen – that’s part of what you put up with when you agree to be a bridesmaid.

As for how you handle your sister, who is being difficult… no idea.

Post # 3
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

DGN85 : When you said you are paying, did you mean for everyone or just yourself? If you are paying for everyone then you get to choose what they have however still try to be understanding of their comfort levels and please don’t force them into doing something they really don’t want.

Post # 4
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

I paid for my bridesmaids hair and make up and “let” them choose whatever style they wanted for both. For me the women feeling confident and beautiful was most important to me. They looked great in pics and it didn’t look odd or clashing! When different styles suit different peoples features I do kind of find it odd to slap the exact same thing on everyone. Personally I would just let them each wear whatever they like. If the looks weren’t cohesive than that’s your stylists fault – it shouldn’t be hard to creat a half up/half down style that fits your overall aesthetic. If that’s your sisters only preference you could even find an inspo pic that you like.  

Post # 5
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

DGN85 : You are not going to look like the odd one out, you are the bride. I find it very strange when a bride tries to make bridesmaids have matching hair.

I paid for my bridesmaids hair and let them decide how they wanted to have it, because they all suit different styles.

I also HATE wearing my hair up, it doesn’t suit me at all so I would be uncomfortable if someone tried to make me wear it that way. 

If you don’t think the hair looked good I think you would be better just letting them both choose different styles. 

Post # 6
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

DGN85 :  “The finished result looked a little bit prom-ish and didn’t coordinate with my hair at all. In fact I looked like the odd one out! We could have been going to different parties.”

This is silly. It’s hair! Since when do hair styles have to match? Nobody will care. Let them have the hair they want. 

Post # 7
Member
6272 posts
Bee Keeper

No one will care. I understand your point of view and you could push it if you wanted but you might want to pick your battles. If the girls like it id be tempted to ask for some basic tweaks if all happy then leave it. 

Post # 8
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I get that you are going for a cohesive look but I would be pretty irate if someone tried to tell me that I absolutely MUST wear my hair up… I have a very round face and am super self conscious about my shoulders/neck area and wearing my hair up would make me feel vulnerable. 

Do you want your maids with (beautiful) hair that they feel comfortable with or uncomfortable, half-assed, smiles in all of your wedding photos? 

Post # 10
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

If you’re paying, you get final say! Within reason obviously. As you said you’re not asking them to get dreadlocks or bizarre hair sculptures. Compile a few options that you like and have them choose from that so it seems more collaborative. In the end if she refuses to pick one you’ll just have to be firm 🙁 you could secretly get your other BMs to tell her how much up-dos suit her!

Post # 11
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

It sounds to me that there are wider issues with your sister? What does it matter that your wedding is a week after her birthday?

If you can sort these issues you may find that the hair style is no longer a problem!

Post # 12
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Beegritte :  I really agree with this. Giving them a choice to be your bridesmaid and retain their personality is important. I’m letting my bridesmaids pick their own dresses and shoes. I have a colour scheme but I think it’s important that they feel like themselves in what they wear. 

Post # 13
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee

DGN85 :  I think this is a sticky situation. You can’t force someone to use a specific hair style. You can offer you’re opinion but people don’t have to go with what you want. For example myself I suffer from psorasis of the scalp, so no way would I wear my hair up. If you were insistant of that I would probably bow out of being a bridesmaid. I get you have you’re vision (I had the same idea) but in all honesty you won’t notice their hair and nobody else will either.

Post # 14
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I personally let my BM’s do what they wanted (because I couldn’t afford to pay for their hair and makeup) and it bit me in the ass. One girl decided a week before the wedding to dye her hair bright blue (which looked horrible with the green bridesmaid dresses), one bridesmaid decided to deliberately copy my hair exactly (which was frustrating because her hair turned out nicer than mine with that particular style) and wore attention grabbing whore-red lipstick and a gawdy necklace (which again looked horrible with her dress), and the third bridesmaid didn’t do anything terrible hair and makeup wise…so that was fine.

Looking back, I still couldn’t afford paying for their hair and makeup, so I stand by giving them freedom to choose…but maybe I should have given basic rules like ‘wear natural looking makeup’ and ‘please don’t copy my hairstyle I am doing’. Not much I could do about the blue hair…I bit my tongue on that one.

In your situation, because you are paying for the hair and makeup I see nothing wrong with wanting all the girls to have a general theme. Your unruly Bridesmaid or Best Man needs to suck it up! If I were a bridesmaid and the bride was willing to pay for my hair and makeup I’d say “It’s your day gurl, give me a death spikes and clown makeup if you want!”

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