Post # 1
One of my bridesmaids ended up making out with the best man two months before our June wedding. Now she won’t stop asking me questions about him and asking advice. I want her to be happy and would love for them to end up in a relationship, but I have so many other things on my mind and really want to focus on the wedding.
Should I just keep my mouth shut and do my best to help her out with this guy? Or should I explain that so much of my attention needs to be on the wedding right now and that I would really appreciate her help with that instead of worrying about the guy?
AND – what happens if it ends badly and it’s awkward during the wedding day?!?!
I am trying really hard to make this process as easy as possible for my BMs. They got to choose thier dresses, wear their own jewelry, their own shoes. So the last thing I want to do is get all dramatic.
Am I being too selfish?
Post # 3
honestly…her questions cant take up THAT much time. Yes, she is a bridesmaid, but she is also a friend first so I would help her out and if it ends badly then let adults be adults and they can figure it out on their own!
Post # 4
She is your bridesmaid, not your slave. You might focus on your wedding 100%, but she certainly isn’t going to. I really doubt her questions are taking up that much of your time….
Post # 5
Yeah, I know that we as brides devote a large percentage of brainpower to this, but in any other situation, you’d be more than happy to discuss a friend’s new crush (I’m hoping). Just b/c it’s your wedding doesn’t mean she stopped liking hot guys in tuxes. Let her gush.
She knows she’ll be walking with him in two months, and vice versa- hopefully they know enough to conduct themselves as adults if things don’t go well.
Post # 6
I don’t really understand how listening to your friend blab about a crush is horribly consuming of your time. What is she asking you to do exactly? If you all live nearby, you could always invite both of them to your house for dinner with you and the Fiance one night & let them help you work on a few DIYs if you have any. . . maybe make some pasta, bring out a bottle of wine, and all four of you can put together favors or whatever you have left. That way you get some wedding stuff done, and you’ve created an opportunity for them to get together.
If thats a no-go just tell your Fiance to tell his bestman that the Bridesmaid or Best Man thinks he’s hot. Middle school style I know, but again it consumes minimal time.
As far as awkwardness goes, I just wouldn’t worry about it. They know they have to be in a wedding together, and they know even if it doesn’t work out they still have to tolerate eachother for the wedding. I would assume that 2 adults could behave for one day, even if they had a little awkwardness between them.
Post # 7
@36912wed: If she is a bridesmaid in your wedding, then you must really value her friendship…hear her out, let her be giddy over this guy..as I am sure she has listened to you gush about your wedding/fiance, etc…make room for your friendship!
Post # 8
You’re talking about weddings…it naturally brings up the emotions of loves/crushes… and it’s not totally out of left field that your friend will talk about her love life when she’s helping you and part of a day celebrating your love life…follow the logic?
She’s your friend! Listen and talk with her! Wedding planning does not take up 100% of your brain power. Sometimes it feels like it does, but it really doesn’t. Make time to talk to your friend. Not every conversation can revolve around wedding planning.
As for it ending badly…two months is not a long time. How often will they actually see each other and/or hang out? I highly doubt there’s going to be some kind of huge blow up right beforehand unless the best man brings a date and your friend is really immature about it.
Post # 9
@36912wed: I agree with all other posts! She is your good friend, please talk to her and support her in her love life! As brides, our wedding planning should not consume our time so much that we don’t have time to be a great friend to our own BM’s!
Post # 10
I guess I should explain that I was previously in a wedding where something similar had happened and the Bridesmaid or Best Man was so miserable (crying in the bathroom multiple times) the entire day before and day of the wedding because the groomsman she had hooked up with was totally ignoring her and putting the moves on other girls at the wedding.
So I think that memory is just burned in my mind and don’t want that to happen to my girlfriend and maybe that is why it’s making me uncomfortable.
Thanks for the advice – I will just keep being there for her as if they weren’t both in the wedding party.
Post # 11
I’m also getting married in June (yay!) and am also having a bridesmaid and groomsman start seeing each other recently. While I adore them both and would love to see them together, I am mostly staying out of it. Not because I’m too busy or don’t support it, but because I don’t want to meddle or interfere.
Would it work to tell your Bridesmaid or Best Man something like:
“Stacey, I’m so glad you hit it off with Brandon. Since I know both of you, I think I’d better take a lesser role in giving you advice on this one so I don’t wind up caught in the middle. I think it’s best that you learn about Brandon from Brandon instead of from me.”
And then, just let it do its thing. If things go south before the wedding, hopefully they are both adults about it and don’t let their awkwardness affect the course of the day.