(Closed) Bridesmaid has invited brand-new boyfriend without asking…and it gets trickier

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Firstly, I am sorry for the loss of your parents.

In regards to your BM’s boyfriend, are you able to just wait out out until closer to the date of your wedding? I mean by Oct/Nov they may not even be together??

If you can’t just wait it out and the idea of him coming really bothers you then I think you need to talk with your friend. Is a not letting her bring her boyfriend more important than your friendship?

I hope you manage to work it out soon!

Post # 4
1645 posts
Bumble bee

I’m with @Miss Pinup:, based off everything you’ve said about her I doubt they’ll even be together at that point.

Post # 5
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

yes exactly! she sounds like a very difficult person and I have experienced people similar to this. it would be soo frustrating in your situation BUT. . . .

since your wedding isn’t until the fall, all you have to say is ‘Yes, if you guys are still together at that point, of course he will be invited’. Because that’s true, right?

 I mean I assume that if they are together in let’s say August when your invitations go out, they will probably (given the speed of this relationship) be living together and even if not, an 8 month relationship is fairly significant. and by that point you will know him better and know whether he is a good guy, or not.

but what you know is that they probably will *not* be together. . .so who cares? you can use that line, which will keep her happy, without really worrying about the impact on your guest list.

Post # 7
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Tough situation, but you have plenty of time to let things go. 

My SIL started dating someon around Nov/Dec time before our wedding in June.  I just made it clear that if they were still together he would be invited, but if they broke up, I would not be adding a plus one to her invite just for the sake of inviting someone. 

I understand your concern about him being anti-religion but what are you concerned he will do?  Stand up and say something during the ceremony?  Hopefully he would have enough tact not to do that.  He may mumble and grumble throughout the ceremony which stinks but you know what, YOU WILL NOT NOTICE.  You will be up front not knowing or caring what is going on behind you. 

Post # 8
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Either they’ll be broken up or they’ll be engaged by the time your wedding rolls around. I would not stress over this just yet….

Post # 9
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents!

I think the PP’s hit this one on the head… But I’m more concerned about her parents controlling the money left to you by your parents…

I’m not trying to be rude in any way… i’m just wondering why?  Are you legally not allowed to have it until a certain age?  Do you ever get full control of it?  I’m sorry if that is too personal, you don’t have to answer… But I feel like that dynamic is putting more strain on your relationship with your friend and her family than your friend inviting a boyfriend to the wedding.

Post # 10
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@o0olibelulao0o: Some trusts have age limits which have nothing to do with recognizable age milestones we are used to (e.eg., 18, 21, etc) I’ve seen some that let the beneficiary take control at 30, 35 or even 40. And they don’t control it per se, they are in charge of it and they have a very high fiduciary duty to disperse the funds and manage the trust.

Post # 11
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Hun – take a deep breathe. Let it out. It’s all going to be okay.

I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself. Who know’s if they will even still be together by the wedding? And secondly – she’s your bm – I feel all wedding party guests should be allowed a date. It’s only fair. How upsetting would that be to her to watch you say your vows and not even be able to share the moment with the man she loves? I know it’s frustrating, but since she’s in your wedding party I feel you should let this one go and allow her to have a date.

Good luck with the wedding planning 🙂

Post # 12
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

I am so sorry on the loss of your parents.

I love your idea of carrying a Bible and rosary instead of flowers. I also feel as though your friend should accept your want and at this point need to have a small wedding.

Post # 13
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you say that her relationships never work out then he will probably be out of the picture by the time of your wedding. I wouldnt stress over this, since he may not actually be a problem in the future.

Post # 15
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Lapeaudesoie: Wow that’s crazy!  I had no idea that was even possible.  It’s probably comforting a little to know that your parents only had your best interests at heart.

I am still sorry about your friend situation though… she sure isn’t making things any easier for you.  Just try to not stress about it, odds are they won’t even be together by then.

I would definitely look into counseling though, it definitely isn’t a healthy friendship.  I wish you all the best!

Post # 16
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I know this is a month later..but I just had to comment..I’ve had a friend like this in the past! She is a completely delusional person who literally doesn’t “get it” no matter what you say, do, hint at, etc etc. I’m not friends with her anymore because I just couldn’t put up with all the crap and drama and the weird power dynamic. My question to you is, do you want to continue the friendship, or better yet, would you continue it if her parents didn’t have control over your money? It sounds like you’re trapped into having to be friends with her!

PS-since it is a month later…are she and her b/f still even together??

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