Post # 1
bee’s I need your advice! Me and my fiancee finally picked out our wedding party which is great but I am having a dilemma! The backstory with one of my bridesmaids is that I met her through my fiancee’s friend. My fiancee has a few groups of friends and the bridesmaid in question has a boyfriend who is in one of those groups. My fiancee had long chosen who he wanted as his groomsmen and obviously as we all know the friend’s we don’t chose to be in the wedding isnt because we don’t like them but merely because there isnt enough room! My fiancee was sad when there wasn’t any room for him to be in one of his friend’s weddings but he understood… in fact that friend is going to be in OUR wedding! Now back to the story.. I had chosen her to be in the wedding party because I love her, she’s a good friend and I didn’t think so much about the fact that her boyfriend wasn’t picked to be in the wedding because a lot of my fiancee’s friends werent chosen but a few weeks ago she tried to pull out of the wedding because she felt uncomfortable that she didn’t know many of the other girls aside from me and I might be too busy to hang out with her but I assured her I know how she was feeling so I even went as far as to tell her she could bring another friend to the ‘girl’ events so she could feel more comfortable.
She’s not trying to pull out now but she is dropping hints that her boyfriend is upset that he wasn’t chosen to be in the wedding and she feels like a bad girlfriend. I am starting to think more and more that she was only comfortable being in the wedding because she thought her boyfriend was! Now I’m telling her if she wants he can sit at the head table with us but now me and my fiancee are thinking this couple is making us change everything around! I dont understand what the big deal is? First of all we are taking pictures BEFORE the ceremony so we have more time with our guests so pretty much she will only be away from him for a whole half an hour during the ceremony and now he’s crying that he’s going to be alone. AGAIN… this is one of my fiancee’s friends who is also close friends with a lot of other people who will be there so he will be sitting with HIS friends at his own table. When I was in my uncles wedding I sat at the head table to eat but after that went right to my fiancee’s table and hung out with him all night so I know what its like and its not that big of a deal.
My fiancee was going to ask him to be a reader so he could feel ‘a part of the wedding’ but now he’s thinking he’s not just because of his attitude about the whole thing. My fiancee was going to take to him about everything to tell him he was a good friend but he just simply had no more spots (pretty much trying to make sure his friend’s feelings werent hurt) but he was them the other night and his friend was pretty stand of ish. I understand it must be weird having your girlfriend in your friend’s wedding when your not in it but fiancee didn’t chose her I DID! Am I looking at things wrong here? am I doing something wrong?
Post # 3
I kind of doubt it’s actually the boyfriend who’s upset. I’d have your fiance talk to his friend.
Post # 4
It sounds like the Boyfriend or Best Friend is being kind of a drama queen. He’s got lots of people to hang out with, his Girlfriend won’t be away for long & if anything it makes his life easier on that day. Don’t change your plans for him: It’s your day & the way you’ve planned it seems more than fair to me.
Post # 5
They sound ridiculous and are behaving like children. Don’t give into their bad behavior.I would not recommend your Fi not bringing it up to this guy reasons why he is not in the wedding party as that would only cause more drama. From her actions it would seem that she doesn’t want to be in the wedding party so give her an out. I would say to her, you are a really good friend and I was looking forward to having you in the wedding party if you are uncomfortable for whatever reason I understand that and no hard feeling if you want to bow out. Invite them as guest and I think that would keep the drama out of your wedding party.
Post # 6
@TwoCityBride: Thank you! I’ve tried so hard to keep the drama out of my wedding and purposely waited so long to chose who I wanted in the wedding so that I could have time to really think about who would be right and who would keep the drama away.. I did give her an out and told her if she wanted time to think about it I would just find someone else but she said she was over reacting and would love to be in the wedding but I am still having my doubts and waiting for her at the last minute when it is WAY to late to chose someone else. I know for a fact it’s the boyfriend who is upset because of the way he was acting the other night. He never showed interests or was even upset about not being picked until he found out his girlfriend was in the wedding (he is childish on a normal bases so this doesnt suprise me) but I will be upset if she pulls out BECAUSE of his so much that I don’t even know if I would invite them to the wedding because of all this stress I feel they are putting on me. He hasn’t said anything about it but his actions and her ‘CONCERNS’ are telling me this is really what is going on between them.
Post # 7
I would just let it be. Yes, they are acting childish but in order to stay away from drama just ignore it. Also, if she does pull out you shouldn’t ask somebody else. The “replacement” will know she was chosen after everybody else. Its also okay if you have uneven sides.
Post # 8
Complete BS. I have NEVERRRRRRR in my life, questioned a bride on her choices, why I wasn’t picked or had concerns about being picked. That’s ridiculous!!!
Post # 9
I just hope she doesn’t pull out because I would be crushed and I know it is ok to have uneven sides but I just couldn’t do it.I’ve tried everything to make her feel comfortable about being in my wedding and in the end I know if she pulls out it would be all because of him. I mean he’ll have a lot of his own friends their and at his table so I really don’t see the big deal in it. I’m going to try and let this all blow over but I just know it’s going to be a fear in the back of my mind that she’s going to pull out :/
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You didn’t do anything wrong- sounds like this couple’s acting like a bunch of babies. :)- I would try to keep couples together at the same table at a reception, though.
Post # 11
You guys are really going out of your way to plan the wedding around these people. Remember, this is your wedding, you shouldn’t feel like you have to accomodate to others. I would worry less about what they think, when they get married, I am sure they will do the same. Your bridal party should be there to support you, not the other way around. If she wants to bow out…let her…she is making things way harder on you than they need to be; it’s not like you don’t have enough to worry about with planning a wedding. Be strong, stick up for yourselves and don’t worry about what others think. If they are really your friends, they will understand.