(Closed) Bridesmaid Hell. Need to vent

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sucks that she has different priorities, and while I would be irked, I don’t think you should get too upset about this. Knowing that she is putting her money towards other things, I would let her take care of her own deposit in February. I worry that she won’t have the money for the dress and you’ll be stuck paying for all of it.

Post # 4
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Relax and remember that people have lives outside of your wedding. $100 is a lot to drop when you factor in the holiday season. Its possible she could have had this NYE trip planned months ago. Try to work something out but don’t get too flustered about it.

Post # 5
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Move on. The same thing has happened to me. It’s just one of those things that you have to get past in order to leave the stress. We all spend money on ourselves first, and the other things follow. When people say “I’m broke” that usually means “I am broke to spend on anything other than what’s going on in my life right now”. My mother tells me this sometimes, and I find I have done the same thing before. I mean even now planning my own wedding! I put away 2500 a month to pay for the wedding, so I say “I’m a little strapped so I can’t buy “X” person a super awesome wedding gift”. In reality I’m not strapped, I’m just saving for other things unrelated to other people.

Enjoy the process, help her out, it will all come back around to you in a positive way if you keep positive about it. 

 

Post # 7
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would not pay the deposit because she might not pay u back

Post # 8
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Legallyblondiebride: Do you have the option of removing her from the order or would that make the dress more expensive for her? That way the rest can get their dresses ordered and you won’t be stuck paying for the dress.

Post # 11
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Since you’ve already offered to front her the money, the deed is done. However, in passing, I’d just casually ask her when she had the NYE party plans made. Previous posters are correct, she may have had this planned way in advanced before she knew the exact $ amount of your dress. We as Brides (I’m guilty of this myself) tend to get wrapped up in our weddings and feel like our Bridal Party should too. They too, have lives outside of our weddings. She has a right to attend the new years eve party and spend her money on it. She wasn’t expectiing to have to drop $80 right into after the new year for your wedding.Granted she knew she would have to buy a dress, but not right after the holidays. If it would make you feel better, write out a small contract and both of you sign it that you put the downpayment on her dress with the understanding that she is to return the deposit on it to you in February because, afterall, you and your future husband do have other things that you have to spend money on for your wedding! I would do this before you put the deposit on her dress. If she has a problem with that, I would not do it.

Post # 13
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeah, the fact of the matter is, your priorities are your wedding, hers are her personal life. That’s likely the way they should be. I can’t imagine she is doing this to be inconsiderate, but frankly, it isn’t your business how she spends her money – and vice versa. 

The problem is the limited time frame and strict procedures in which you need to get your dresses. If you trust this Bridesmaid or Best Man to pay for the dress, as she said she would, I would front the cash since it is your constraints that the problem lies. And I wouldn’t ask about how she spends any of her money – it’s not your business. 

Post # 15
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Legallyblondiebride: Yeah, I can see that. I would not have done that either, but like PPs have said, it’s likely she’s been planning to go out for NYE for most of the year. That’s what people often do. But yeah, just make sure her promise to pay you is stronger than her social tact 🙂

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