Post # 1
Three months ago in June I asked my 2 future SIL to be my bridesmaids. I gave them freedom to find a short cocktail type dress. We went shopping ONCE, i have taken plenty of pics of dresses online and in stores for them and nothing satisfies. SHORT cocktail type has been stressed and mentioned to them constantly. Theres isnt much communication between us and when tbere is its me asking if theyve found a dress. EVERY dress one of them finds is a long evening gown which she knows I DO NOT want. 3 1/2 months go by and I take control and CHOOSE a gorgeous and inexpensive dress online and give them info and ask kindly to order dress in color specified since they could not find one themselves. Dress was NOT ordered. My wishes were ignored. Theyve gone dress shopping w others without including me Three weeks later I hear from them and they are showing me long evening gowns STILL. They said “well if we dont find short dress we are going with long” and they still refused to order dress “I chose”. Mind you theres been no help offered, no calls, no txts, not even a “thank you for choosing me” after the Bridesmaid or Best Man proposal boxes and tote i gave them. At my wits end (and feeling disrespected) i changed my mind and “nicely” decided on NO BMs at all (it was just them two anyway). Now Im the BAD GUY…was I wrong??
Post # 2
Not at all! My suggestion was to just kick them to the curb entirely. They don’t sound worth the stress.
Post # 3
I think they were making it pretty clear they weren’t that interested in participating in your wedding, and not at all interested in conforming to your rather flexible dress option and would likely show up in long dresses anyways. I think deciding just to not have bridesmaids was probably a good call, but I am not surprised they’ve made you the bad guy. They don’t seem to like you much and probably enjoyed ganging up on you during the dress search and now you’ve taken that option away from them.
Post # 4
Wearing a dress someone else picks out (or places restrictions on) is part of being a bridesmaid. If you think their feelings are hurt then you need to talk to them directly to avoid being the bad guy. Just let them know that the stress of picking a dress was too much and thank them for being understanding. Listen to their concerns and be as understanding as you can. They are your future family members so you’ll see them at holidays and family events for the rest of your life. While I agree you were right for standing up for yourself you also want to make sure that there are no hard feelings for removing them as your BMs.
Post # 5
Congratulations – you just saved yourself tonnes of stress (as if weddings aren’t stressful enough already). Well done. No you absolutely were not wrong.
Post # 6
Not in the wrong. I don’t think you were asking for anything too much.
Post # 7
I agree that they suck and you’re saving yourself a lot of stress, however, maybe I’m a pushover but would it have been the end of the world to let them wear a long dress? I admit, I don’t get hung up on details like that, so maybe I’m crazy. And it was shitty of them to not just order the one you shared the link for. But at the same time, they’re your future in-laws which is a difficult enough dynamic. I would’ve just caved instead of doing away with bridesmaids altogether. Lol
At the end of the day it’s your wedding and you gotta do what’s best for you though!
ETA: Don’t think you’re in the wrong at all. I’m just saying I have no willpower when it comes to confrontation. Lol. So kudos to you!
Post # 8
Who, besides the two of them, thinks you are a bad guy? Your request seems quite reasonable.
Did they say why they wanted long dresses? Is either of them self-conscious about their legs or anything else? Or are they just being stubborn?
Post # 9
Asking your bridesmaids to wear a dress you choose comes with the territory. It does sound like they both have a bit of an attitude problem.
Since they’re your fiancé’s sisters, I would do my best to smooth things over though. You don’t want drama over bridesmaids dresses to set the tone for your relationship with them moving forward.
Post # 10
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, sounds like your FSILs are not your biggest fan, your request wasn’t crazy, it seems like they wanted to be difficult.
Why did you ask them to be your bridesmaids in the first place? Before this, did you have a good relationship with them? Are you closer to them than other friends?
Post # 11
I’d fire them as bridesmaids personally OR just buy the dresses and say this is what you are wearing (if you feel it’s important not to get rid of them entirely).
Many brides I know have presented the dresses and said this is what you are wearing with no flexibility at all. It doesn’t really seem like the case here that you’ve been like this, in fact you’ve been flexible more than most in the face of rudeness.
It just seems that this isn’t what THEY WANT to wear, with no valid reason other than preference. If there was a real genuine body confidence issue or some other issue (like surgical scars or something) then they should have had that discussion with you.
Post # 12
That’s some bullshit. It’s your wedding day, they don’t get to dictate shit. If someone felt uncomfortable about something, they sure didn’t express that with you, they just wanted to do whatever they wanted to do. That is so rude. Their selfishness would mess up my friendship.
Post # 13
I would have handled this very differently.
It was not unreasonable at all to ask them to wear a short cocktail dress of your choosing. However, rather than going back on your word to let them choose a dress for themselves, I think you should have just stayed firm to your guideline. For example, if they showed you a photo of a gown, you’d remind them that if they like that dress it will have to be hemmed.
Ultimately, if they could not find a suitable dress, you could have allowed THEM the option of stepping down, or just let them wear what they want in the interests of family harmony. “Firing” them is just escalating this drama. As rude and inappropriate as they are acting, these women will still be family for life. In the big picture, it’s not worth it.
Post # 14
How did you handle the conversation when you told them that you were no longer having bridesmaids? I get that they were being difficult and stubborn, and I can totally understand why you would be frustrated and maybe lash out a bit, but the best way to handle it would have been to put them first in the conversation – “I’m sorry that trying to find a dress has been such a frustrating and ongoing challenge, so I thought it would be easiest for all of us if I just scrap having bridesmaids and you guys can fully enjoy the day as guests.”
Did you have issues with either of them before the wedding planning process? If so, that probably factored in to their decision to be difficult. If not, then maybe it is worth chalking it up to them having some kind of insecurity about the style of dress you wanted or some other personal factor. Either way, they are going to be your family and it is best if you do try to smooth things over and get along going forward. I’d only recommend giving up on the relationships if they are genuinely narcissists who push boundaries intentionally.
Post # 15
They’re not mad that you nixed having bridesmaids, they’re mad because you didn’t allow yourself to be bullied & steamrolled. They didn’t expect you to stand up for yourself. But you did! Good for you.
As for some posts saying that your decision caused or escalated the drama – That’s blaming the cure for the sickness. As in; had they been supportive like a person is supposed to be when accpeting a role in a wedding party & adhered to your extemely reasonable wishes, there would be no drama. THEY’RE the reason there’s drama – not you. Let them scratch their mad spot. Move on, ignore any negative comments/let your FH deal with his sisters & be confidant that you made the right call. If they’re being this selfish & bitchy about the bloody dresses, who knows what they’d be like for the rest of your wedding prep or what their behaviour would be on the day? And it’s not simply about having a dress preference for your bridesmaids (which is par for the course), it’s also about setting a tone for your future dealings with your in-laws. Yes, it’s good to make an effort to get along with your SIL’s but they should be making equal efforts to get along with you. It’s a 2-way street & it seems they aren’t making any effort whatsoever. I think you dodged a bullet & demonstrated that you won’t be a meek pushover. That’s a positive, IMO.