- 2 years ago
- Wedding: December 2018
I honestly thank all of you for your opinions and advice! I now know I am not crazy or overreacting at all! Gotta tell you I put this same post on a Puerto Rican fb wedding group (since we live in PR and they are born and raised here too i tht it was a culture thing) and everyone said same as you guys!!!!! I thank all of you so much…uughh on to awkward holidays now…as good a person as i am i feel like I will be sucking up to people who dont deserve it and disrespected me IF i reach out to smooth things over (my decision still stands though)…but no one has reached out to me..
You definitely did nothing wrong. That is ridiculous. I think you made the right decision kicking them to the curb. It’ll save you a lot of stress down the road!
Glad to be of help! My advice has been hard-won in the forge of various in-law fuckery. Hahahaha. I dont even know you but I’m proud of you cos it’s not easy to stick up for yourself when family’s involved, particularly with something as emotionally charged as a wedding but when you’re feeling icky about this, remember: you’ve actually made things easier for Future You. If/when this kind of thing happens again, now they know you won’t just bend over & take it up the jacksy. Yay!
And if I can just reiterate the ‘moving on’ part of the equation, for your own sake. Don’t expect an apology & def don’t chase them for one. They’re no longer gonna be a thorn in your side for your wedding so it’s important to chalk this up as a win & let it go. Delete the texts or at least stop showing them around cos that’s just stoking the fire. They’re not going to see that they’re wrong, at least not right now. If they bring it up casually, play dumb & light (“OMG! I haven’t even thought about that since! Hahaha. I guess everyone has different ideas for their wedding…Hey, I like what you’ve done with your hair/home/outfit SIL. Looks beautiful”) If they confront you outright, give them ONE opportunity to have their say, listen, then be all “You’re entitled to your opinions & so am I. As this is about my wedding party, my wishes take priority this time, just as yours will when the event is about your milestone. I’m disappointed that we couldn’t agree but that’s life so I’m not going to hold a grudge. If you choose to, that’s your prerogative but I’m not going to continue talking about this over & over” (words to that effect), then leave it at that. Don’t take ANY bait & get into a ‘Who’s Right’ debate. Don’t justify, don’t argue, don’t defend & don’t explain. Don’t JADE.
You do you & let them do them. Once they realize it’s pointless to hound you into submission, they’ll quit doing it, I promise! I have had a fantastic relationship with my in-laws for the last 8 years since I created proper boundries & stop trying to over-accommodate them. The day I told them, “I need you to treat me the way you would want my family to treat your son/brother” was the day we all began to live with more understanding, love & respect for each other. It was worth the trouble! I’m rooting for ya, Hon!
I didn’t anticipate any drama, but I totally skipped having a wedding party just to avoid the mere possibility of it. You did the right thing and you are not the bad guy. Be happy that you have just removed one huge source of stress that would almost inevitably get worse.
You were wise to curtail their foolishness before it got much worse. A lot of people are saying you should have thought about the fact that they would be family before relieving them of their Bridesmaid or Best Man roles, but why aren’t those same people suggesting that these two women should have done the same before disregarding your very simple dress guidelines?
It’s not like you fired them and replaced them with someone else (which would have been a total “fuck you”.) You just decided not to have BMs at all. If they want to have thoughts or feelings about that, that is their choice. In your shoes, I would just look at it as simplifying things and making everything easier in the long run.
Also, as you will be family after this wedding (as so many want to point out) it’s good for them to see and understand that you are not someone who tolerates boundary stomping. Start as you mean to continue!
Although I think it was the best decision to cut them out of the bridal party, I’m wondering how you did it? Did you meet up with them and tell them they were frustrating you and you prefer no bridesmaids? Was it a phone call?
Sounds like they were taking advantage of the idea of the wedding to get done up in whatever they pleased. It’s YOUR day, and you can remind them that without being a bridezilla. If they don’t feel honored to be your BD’s and contribute to your happiness for a single day then I agree with your decision on not having them at all. They clearly cared more about how they looked on your wedding day than anything else. BD’s are tricky and I am considering not even having any either, because it seems like BD’s often forget their job is to help the bride and boost her up, not try to compete or outshine her.
You’re definitely not the bad guy. I’d say you should be glad to be rid of them. If they were throwing that big of a fit over something as simple as a shorter dress versus a long gown, you know everything else would have been an issue too. The dress is just a basic thing and you gave them lots of leeway as far as overall style.