Post # 1
Hello! So I just got engaged (yay!). I’m having skme trouble choosing bridesmaid. I really don’t want a huge wedding party. Im already up to 6 and feel that’s large. Here is the big dilemma. My fiancé has 2 sisters. One of which Ive become friends with. We text and I have become close to her son. The other sister is very nice but we only make small talk at family events. Is it ok to ask one sister and not the other? The one I would like to ask had my fiancé as her man of honor. I just don’t want to hurt feelings but really only want people I’m close to standing up with me. would it be ok to give her another smaller task to include her?
Post # 2
Many people will tell you to pick who is closest to you. I, however, think that you are joining this family, and picking favorites/elevating one to a position of honor while not doing the same for the other is a bad way to start your new life with your new family. I think that it would leave a bad taste in the not-picked sister’s mouth, and you could cause other hurt feelings and issues that could ripple throughout the family. Not to mention cause damage to your growing relationship with the one you don’t want to ask.
Perhaps both sisters could do a reading or play another role in the wedding instead of being in the bridal party.
Post # 3
I’m not sure I have enough information, to be honest. Normally I would say that 1) you have no obligation to include your fiance’s sisters in your wedding party at all (especially if your party is getting big already), and 2) if you do include them you should include both of them, rather than singling one out.
However, if you’re very very close to one sister (say, she lives in your town, you see her once a week or more, and you hang out with the same group of friends) but the other sister lives across the country and you’ve only met her once or twice, then I think that’s a different situation.
For me, deviating from standard etiquette requires something pretty distinct, like the hypothetical situation above. Without knowing the details, I don’t know what I would advise you to do.
Post # 4
P.S. I don’t think it matters that your fiance (her brother) was her man of honor. Wedding parties aren’t reciprocal like that. If anything, HE could ask HER to be his “matron of honor.”
And also – congrats on the engagement!
Post # 5
I would love to say to just choose the one you really get along with, but I’m not sure how it would ‘go down’ with the other sister and their family if you didn’t pick her aswell. For keeping the peace I would have both of them, but you know yours and their family more and what will work.
Post # 6
I’d say they should come as a pair. Both or none.
Post # 7
You could have them do another job, such as PP said like a reading or a speech or something like that! It is okay to want to include everyone but not everyone has to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 8
In my opinion, 6 is too many. So if you ask these girls, you will have 7 or 8? That is ridiculous. Like pp said, its ok to want to include everyone but not everyone needs to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I do not think that sisters of the groom need to automatically be BMs. So if you really feel close to this one sister, you could ask her but again i think that’s overkill. Talk to her and find out what she is comfortable doing, a reading, helping with decorations, etc. Include both of them in any wedding festivities like showers, bach parties, etc. but more BMs are not needed.
Post # 9
6 would be including the one sister. And I definitely don’t want any more than 6. So it’s either going be one or neither. I chat and plan things with the one i’d like to ask on a weekly basis. The other one is very nice as well but I would feel awkward having her as a bridesmaid Because there is not much of a relationship there. just exchanging small talk at family events. My fiancé doesnt see any issue with Just asking the one but he is a guy! He is also much closer to the sister I would like to ask. I’ll just have to really think it over I guess. Maybe feel things out first bc I adore my Future In-Laws I don’t want to start the whole planning process on the wrong foot.