Post # 1
I thought i had my bridesmaids all figured out … My two sisters and my brother’s wife. Also, one of my good friends. The other night my fiance gets a text from his sister that she wants to be a bridesmaid, and a reminder that he was a groomsmen in her wedding. The only reason I wasn’t including her was mainly because she is 55 and I just didn’t think she wanted to stand up there with people who are almost 30 years younger and that she would prefer to have a different role such as a reading.
I feel a little awkward about this, but at the same time I feel like it’s not that big of a deal. If she wants to then awesome, go for it. But now i’m at 5 bridesmaids and thats more than I really wanted.
Just thought I would throw this out there and see if anyone has had similar situtions, advice, or input.
Post # 2
It was inappropriate of her to ask to be a bridesmaids and quite frankly ridiculous. Just because your Fiance was in her wedding doesn’t mean she is automatically in yours. Your bridesmaids should be those closest to you. I’d have her do a reading f she really wants to be in the wedding.
Post # 3
Do what YOU want. If you want to have her as a bridesmaid then by all means have her. If you’d rather she do a reading then ask her to do that. She doesn’t get to tell you or your Fiance who should or should not be in your bridal party.
Post # 4
I think adding her as a bridesmaid will only lead to more demands coming from her along the way. Say that your bridal party is all set, but you’d be honored to have her as a reader or some other special role.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t include her if she wasn’t close to me. I think it’s a little manipulative for her to say that to your Fiance. Imagine dress pickings and outtings…
Post # 6
I agree ^^^, manipulative indeed.
Post # 7
sotowedding: to be fair, and to start off, I’m NOT, in any way, saying she needs to be in your wedding. Let’s just get that out of the way ;). However, if she’s 55, she’s of the generation where a) family come first in weddings (don’t ask me… I just know how that was how it used to be done [shrug]). So while to anyone who is in the now generation and thinks, hey it’s whoever I want, I don’t have to put family in, etc, they ARE right, but people who are of a different mindset and time are just going to feel different. Also, in that generation it was of the whole “you were in mine, I’m in yours” kind of thing.
That being said, by all means, you DO NOT HAVE TO include her. I just wanted to add my experience of how that generation things (such as, my mom and her sisters come from that generation and years ago, while still in high school and I casually mentioned to my mom that whenever I got married I wanted my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor instead of my sister, she about lost her shit, because to her, that just wasn’t how it was done. Your bridal party was your family, including future family (such as Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs should be your sisters/cousins and his sister(s). And on his side, it should be his brothers/cousins and the bride’s brother(s). Obviously I don’t feel that way, but coming from that generation, she may just view it that way.
So once again, you do not have to have her. I just wanted to put that in there, so where she might come off as rude, its no different than the elderly aunt who says inappropriate things, because it was of her time.
Post # 8
Do what you want Personally I would include siblings but that’s just how I feel. I do think it was rude for her to ask she shouldn’t have done that. I think you should talk to her about it say I know you wanted to be a bridesmaid but that would make me have more than I orginally wanted how would you feel about doing a reading, it would mean more to us if you did this instead or something like that and see what she says. She may just want to be involved in some way.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t ask her. Think about it this way – she’s not a bridesmaid and is starting drama.
What do you think will happen if she IS a bridesmaid?
Solution: “Hi Jane, we have already selected our bridal party, but we were really hoping you would do a meaningful reading for us at the wedding. I can’t picture anyone else.”
Post # 10
Thanks everyone for your input! I haven’t even asked my bridesmaids yet, though they pretty much know because it is mostly just family. I don’t mind having her in the wedding…and I get along with her. It just seemed a little awkward. I hadn’t even thought of more demands along the way though!
Usually when we go out for dinner with them, she gives all sorts of opinions about what we could do and her husband usually steps in and tells her to stop. I have enough drama with multiple moms (divorced/blended families) that i’m not even sure she will be invited to dress shopping. We are going to do that in a different state anyway!
I’m going to talk more with my Fiance about it too. If he isn’t having any of his brothers in it, it would maybe be weird if she was. Goodness, we finally hit the one year mark and the drama begins!
Post # 11
sotowedding: Ummmm. I don’t think that’s how that works, you can’t just appoint yourself to the position. And I’ll be honest even if this is not PC, I would not want a 55 year old bridesmaid. For me, I’d prefer people of that age should have a different role. Figure out what YOU want and go from there. It was her her husband’s choice who they had in their wedding party, it is not autmatically reciprocal.
Post # 12
I think it was rude of her to just basically appoint herself as bridesmaid. However, I don’t really see the difference between having 4 BMs or 5. It’s just one more person. But if you really don’t want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, talk to your Fiance. Maybe he could have her on HIS side?
Post # 13
It’s your choice. Isn’t that why they’re called BRIDESmaids? She can guilt your Fiance as much as she wants but in the end, I think it should be your decision on whether she gets a spot. But anyone who throws the obligation card already knew they weren’t going to be picked for some reason.