(Closed) Bridesmaid help!

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
9786 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It was inappropriate of her to ask to be a bridesmaids and quite frankly ridiculous. Just because your Fiance was in her wedding doesn’t mean she is automatically in yours. Your bridesmaids should be those closest to you. I’d have her do a reading f she really wants to be in the wedding.

Post # 3
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Do what YOU want. If you want to have her as a bridesmaid then by all means have her. If you’d rather she do a reading then ask her to do that. She doesn’t get to tell you or your Fiance who should or should not be in your bridal party. 

Post # 4
422 posts
Helper bee

I think adding her as a bridesmaid will only lead to more demands coming from her along the way. Say that your bridal party is all set, but you’d be honored to have her as a reader or some other special role.

Post # 5
1287 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t include her if she wasn’t close to me. I think it’s a little manipulative for her to say that to your Fiance. Imagine dress pickings and outtings… 

Post # 6
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I agree ^^^, manipulative indeed.

Post # 7
1011 posts
Bumble bee

sotowedding:  to be fair, and to start off, I’m NOT, in any way, saying she needs to be in your wedding. Let’s just get that out of the way ;). However, if she’s 55, she’s of the generation where a) family come first in weddings (don’t ask me… I just know how that was how it used to be done [shrug]). So while to anyone who is in the now generation and thinks, hey it’s whoever I want, I don’t have to put family in, etc, they ARE right, but people who are of a different mindset and time are just going to feel different. Also, in that generation it was of the whole “you were in mine, I’m in yours” kind of thing. 

That being said, by all means, you DO NOT HAVE TO include her. I just wanted to add my experience of how that generation things (such as, my mom and her sisters come from that generation and years ago, while still in high school and I casually mentioned to my mom that whenever I got married I wanted my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor instead of my sister, she about lost her shit, because to her, that just wasn’t how it was done. Your bridal party was your family, including future family (such as Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs should be your sisters/cousins and his sister(s). And on his side, it should be his brothers/cousins and the bride’s brother(s). Obviously I don’t feel that way, but coming from that generation, she may just view it that way. 

So once again, you do not have to have her. I just wanted to put that in there, so where she might come off as rude, its no different than the elderly aunt who says inappropriate things, because it was of her time. 

Post # 8
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Do what you want Personally I would include siblings but that’s just how I feel. I do think it was rude for her to ask she shouldn’t have done that. I think you should talk to her about it say I know you wanted to be a bridesmaid but that would make me have more than I orginally wanted how would you feel about doing a reading, it would mean more to us if you did this instead or something like that and see what she says. She may just want to be involved in some way.

Post # 9
158 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t ask her. Think about it this way – she’s not a bridesmaid and is starting drama.

What do you think will happen if she IS a bridesmaid?

Solution: “Hi Jane, we have already selected our bridal party, but we were really hoping you would do a meaningful reading for us at the wedding. I can’t picture anyone else.”

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  beebee27.
Post # 11
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

sotowedding:  Ummmm.  I don’t think that’s how that works, you can’t just appoint yourself to the position. And I’ll be honest even if this is not PC, I would not want a 55 year old bridesmaid. For me, I’d prefer people of that age should have a different role. Figure out what YOU want and go from there. It was her her husband’s choice who they had in their wedding party, it is not autmatically reciprocal. 

Post # 12
6839 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I think it was rude of her to just basically appoint herself as bridesmaid. However, I don’t really see the difference between having 4 BMs or 5. It’s just one more person. But if you really don’t want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, talk to your Fiance. Maybe he could have her on HIS side?

Post # 13
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

It’s your choice. Isn’t that why they’re called BRIDESmaids? She can guilt your Fiance as much as she wants but in the end, I think it should be your decision on whether she gets a spot. But anyone who throws the obligation card already knew they weren’t going to be picked for some reason.

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