- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
Hello Bees! I know there are many venting posts about bridesmaids and I’m going to add one more to the list. There is almost always one in every party right? * Sigh* I just don’t know what to do anymore.
We are about 3 months out until the wedding and one of my bridesmaids still has not ordered her dress yet. The other girls have all ordered theirs and everything with them is going smoothly. Theirs should arrive in May and there will be plenty of time to have alterations done. I’ve been engaged since October of 2009 and I have asked all the girls around that time if they would like to participate and they all happily agreed. Throughout this whole process, I haven’t asked them to do anything. I told them to pick/purchase their dresses and show up. I even told them can pick dresses of their own choosing and they didn’t have to be the same as long as the color and length was the same. They all agreed on dresses from one designer. I haven’t asked them to do anything more.
The bridesmaid in question, we shall call her D, hasn’t really been involved in anything. She never replies to emails, texts or answers phone calls. She didn’t attend the engagement party and a mutual friend’s wedding because she had another trip planned. I totally understood. People have plans and my wedding doesn’t come first, and I haven’t really been pushing it onto anybody. When it came to my bridal dress shopping I wanted to know who was available to go since we all have busy schedules and live in different towns/state. D picked a date and Maid/Matron of Honor and I planned everything around D’s schedule. D ended up flaking and said she was broke and didn’t have any money to come up. No biggie, MOH and I still found a dress and had a lot of fun. Well, a few days after that I found out via Facebook she is taking this road trip from CA to Michigan and ended up being gone for two weeks. I was pissed but I didn’t say anything. Time goes by and I still didn’t hear from her. I debated giving her the boot then but then randomly she sends me picture texts of her trying on dresses for this other wedding she is in and is all the sudden giving me this input. So I let it slide thinking she is finally showing me she still wants to be involved.
Fast forward to last month. She called me about something unrelated to the wedding and I ended up asking her about the dress situation. I let her know she was cutting it pretty close because the dress shops said they needed 4 months plus alterations and they might charge a rush fee. She told me no problem, she was just waiting for her tax refund coming in March and she will have it taken care of. She even told me how easy of a bride I was and how she ended up backing out of the other wedding because she felt like the other bride was a Bridezilla. All of this led me to believe that she is still in this as she seemed excited, and that she would tell me if she didn’t want to be in it anymore. The problem is, I haven’t heard from her since. She’s been all talk and no action. She won’t reply to my messages, she doesn’t answer her phone and I’m at the end of my rope. I know it’s not really about the money, she posts on Facebook about where is going and what she is doing (getting hair and nails done, random trip to LA and Disneyland,etc.) Seeing all of that hurts because I deserve at least a reply and not left in the dust. It’s also stressing me out because I feel like our friendship is strained and I resent her for what I see her doing when she posts it all over FB. I also can’t help but feel like I did this to myself because I was too lenient and let her treat me like that. Even throughout our friendship I always felt more like the sidekick but that’s another story for another day. Anyway, my next step is to either give her an ultimatum or just ask her to step down. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or cause drama but I’ve been too nice about it and I can’t take it anymore.
I’m sooooo sorry this got long. There is a lot more to this whole thing but I wanted didn’t want it to go off topic. Have you guys had to deal with a similar situation? How did you handle it and how did it affect your friendship?