posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

It is sad that this happened, but I really don’t think you should be upset with your husband. He had your best interests at heart. I would cut him some slack. He did the right thing by telling her to go away and not talk to him anymore, and then he told you after the fact because of what you were going through with her.

Post # 4
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He did what he thought best at the time

 He certainly did not betray you.

He told her he was going to tell you, and told her to stay away from him.

He told you when you were home from your honeymoon.

 Would you really have wanted to know ahead of time with all the drama that would have created?

He is not the one who did anything wrong- it was her.


Post # 5
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with Noritake. While I’d be mad (ok, furious and done with her), I think your husband was just looking out for you since he knew there was a lot of stress going on already.  He did what he thought was best for you, talked to you after the celebration and honeymoon were over, and had told her no from the get-go. I’d be done with her for good, but try not to let his actions get to you, he sounds like he really was just looking out for you. 

Post # 6
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I agree, your husband made a brave call… but it sounds like in the future, you’d prefer to hear these things right away.  As long as he agrees that in the future he’ll tell you something like this right away, I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt here!

Btw, how did he handle things with his best friend?  It must be incredibly awkward for him to have to tell his best friend about the wife’s betrayal…

Post # 7
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would be mad, yes, but at HER. He was just trying to make things a little easier on you. If he had told you before the wedding and you dropped her from the party you would have been a bm short, stressed even more, upset that someone would do that, etc. I would rather have him wait to tell me so that my day and honeymoon were happy ones. At least he told her to stay away and told you about it.

Post # 8
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think he did you a favor. Look back at your wedding. Less drama then. And he loves you that much that he wanted to protect you. <3 aww cute!

Be mad at her, but not at him, not at all.

Post # 9
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think he did anything wrong at all, and I think he made the best decision given the circumstances. If he told you right away, I think there would have been a drama-s***-storm and a LOT of extra stress and emotions (the ones you don’t want on your wedding day).

You can be upset at her all you want. She’s the one that put your husband in that position in the first place, and I think he handled the situation exceptionally well. Please don’t be upset at your husband with the way he handled it. I think he was very thoughtful towards you, and sounds like you got a good catch!

Post # 10
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think your husband made the best choice for the time and situation that he was put in, he too is the innocent victim in this

you can always photoshop her out of the pics and move on and focus on the happiness of your wedding day but if you had to deal with the drama before/on the day then you would have carried that with you on your very important day


Post # 11
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with the other Bees that he made the best choice at the time. He knew it would ruin your day and didn’t want it to. He’d already told her he wasn’t interested and let he know that he would be telling you, so in his mind there was no sense in hurting you.

Post # 12
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I would be upset too. But look at it this way, could you imagine if he had told you what happened just a few days before your wedding? Idk about you, but I probably would have freaked out on my Fiance, probably gotten into a fight with the ho bag and it would have ruined the whole experience.

IMO, he did the right time for a VERY awkward situation.

Post # 13
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know it’s hard, but you have to realize that he had YOUR best interests in mind by not telling you.  I’m sure that it weighed him down a lot, but he did it to ensure that you had a wonderful, beautiful experience – which it sounds like you did!  He handled the situation with the ‘friend’ perfectly; told her to back off, didn’t waver in his loyalty to you.  Perhaps now you should sit down with him and calmly explain that from now on you want to know things upfront, always, no matter what.  Don’t let this woman ruin your memories of your Wedding Day, or your feelings towards Darling Husband. Good luck! 

Post # 14
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MS INVISIBLE:  He didn’t betray you – she did.  I think he genuinely did what he thought was best and he DID do the right thing by telling you immediately after the honeymoon.  SHE is the one who acted abominably – not him.  Try not to let this spoil a happy time in your life. 

Post # 15
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I know it would be difficult to not be mad at anyone right now but I think even though your husband didnt do what you wanted him to do, he did act conscientiously and do what he thought was in your best interest at the point in time. That is something that must be appreciated.

Post # 16
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think he did great.  He told her off and kept you from flipping out on your wedding day. Then he told you what happend.  You should make him dinner and give him a big kiss.  Keep reinforcing his good behavior.

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