Post # 1
This is my first ever post, but I need some advice:
I am going to be in two weddings next year. Both of my dear friends who are getting married are quite a bit wealthier than I am, and have budgets way above what I will one day have for my wedding. That said, they have always been really good friends to me and I trust them. I am also probably the “biggest” girl in both bridal parties (i.e. I wear a size 14 and the largest girl other than me is probably a size 6 or 8).
The MOH’s of both weddings are selecting the bridesmaids’ dresses, and they each probably wear a size 2 or 4 if that. After seeing some of their picks, I am utterly terrified that I am going to stand out even more by being asked to wear a terribly unflattering dress- I am talking pleats and ruffles and all kinds of jazz. The main contender thus far for one wedding is also almost $400.00. Needless to say, on my budget, this is cost prohibitive.
I understand I am jumping the gun since both of these weddings are at least 9 months away, but I am terribly worried. I know it is “not about me”, but I also hate being the “fat friend” and supremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. I could try to lose a bunch of weight, but I will still have hips and a chest that makes some of these dresses impossible to wear gracefully. I also know that something they may think is universally flattering just…well, isn’t. How should I approach this subject with them?
Post # 3
If you are close to the brides (which for a bunch of reasons, you obviously are), I would bring it up to them. Tell them you’re nervous about finances and looking and feeling your best, but their wedding day is really important to you and you want to know what they think as the bride. The bride can let the MOHs know to not go over a certain $ limit or reserve the right to only approve a dress that everyone can manage. Or, depending on the bride, she can offer to pay a portion of your dress cost, or ask you to step down.
Hopefully, if these friends are as good as they seem, they will want to find a good solution for you that doesn’t involve stepping down. Personally, I would hate to learn belatedly that my Bridesmaid or Best Man felt terrible in her dress or couldn’t afford the dress in the first place. I would want to accommodate her in those situations, but I can’t if I don’t know about any of it!
Post # 4
yep I would talk to the bride. My bms weren’t quiet about not wanting strapless dresses. I also kept the dress at about $100, although $150 seems reasonable enough.
Post # 5
I would maybe talk to the bride, but I would also send some suggestions to the MOH’s and let them know what your budget and fears are. Send some pictures of dresses that you like, or would feel more comfortable in. I know if it were me as Maid/Matron of Honor, I would love to hear suggestions from the others and what their budgets were. It would be a huge help in trying to decide on the dress. I wouldn’t want that sole responsibilty. But I do think you need to let the MOH’s know because there are things like the shower/bach party and you will have to go to/purchase 2 of each.
I would let the bride know, that way she is not surprised and if you have issues with the Maid/Matron of Honor then the bride is aware of the situation too, but I would try to deal mostly with the Maid/Matron of Honor.
Hope this Helps
Post # 6
Thanks everyone! I plan on talking to each of the brides one-on-one during our normal “friend time” in the upcoming weeks. I just needed that extra push and to know that I wasn’t being a “maidzilla” :).