(Closed) Bridesmaid in friends wedding…need to vent!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Do you care if your bridesmaids like the dress you chose for them?
    Of course- I would want them to be able to wear it again : (20 votes)
    39 %
    Who cares...its my wedding : (5 votes)
    10 %
    I care but I have to like it too : (26 votes)
    51 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Honestly? I feel like you should have every right to voice your opinion to the bride- and see if she can’t offer a solution… but at the same time, if she doesn’t want to change anything- i personally would grin and bear it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    its her wedding.. if she is really stuck on having her bridesmaids in a particular style then yes you do have to just grin and bear it like pp said.  its her day to shine and not yours so i think what she wants is more important than what you want. i’m gonna be Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding coming up and am not looking fwd to the dress i have to wear for it but its not the end of the world and after the day is over i can sell the dress or have a friend change a few things on it so it suits me better

    Post # 6
    Member
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    It is her wedding and she has the ultimate decision on what she wants you to wear. She should take your opinion into account, but if she really wants you to wear a specific dress, then that is what you need to do. You always have the option to step down if you don’t like her choice.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Is there a particular reason you feel self conscious in this style of dress? The reason I ask is that if it’s a serious issue, I would mention it, but if you just don’t like the style, I would let it slide. I have a large chest and have had to wear countless strapless bridesmaid’s dresses, which I HATE because they offer no support, but I just let it go because I know it’s hard to get around it and I know I can manage for one day. On the other hand, if it’s something you feel seriously uncomfortable wearing, I would gently broach the subject with her to see if you can compromise on another style. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    i told all my brideamids a plain back cocktail dress ent a few pictures of what i envision and thats about it they have free rein with what they want. i said no sparkles, glitter, or anything of that sort just plain

    Post # 10
    Member
    2588 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @blondebride83: Not flattering HOW, though? Unless the bride has chosen a totally wonky style, chances are good you’ll just have to grin and bear it. It’s one day. The focus will be on the bride, not you. You could try bringing it up to her, but if she likes the style, you’re stuck.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    She probably doesn’t realize how unflattering and uncomfortable the dress will be for you. Explain it calmly and rationally and ask if there is a similar style by the same designer in a style you prefer (perhaps mention something specifically, such as a halter top). Certainly, though, it is strange for a bridesmaid to express a feeling of having some kind of a right to choose what dress she wears at someone else’s wedding; I think it is fairly universally understood that the bride chooses what the bridesmaids will wear. If you want to wear something different than what she has asked you to wear, then approach it as though you are asking her a favor. (You are.)

    Post # 12
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    In each of my two weddings, I allowed my Maid/Matron of Honor to wear any nice dress.  In each case, the Maid/Matron of Honor was the only female attendant, so she didn’t have to match anyone.

    However, the bigger the bridal party, the more difficult it is to find a dress that flatters everyone.  Some brides are willing to allow any dress, so long as it is one particular color and perhaps one defined length.  However, if the bride wants everyone to wear the same dress, and has a large wedding party, there simply is no way to avoid a dress that will be unflattering on at least some of the BMs.

    Post # 13
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee

    Have you shared this with her? I can’t imagine that she would want you to be uncomfortable. At the very least giving her an opportunity to explain her reasoning might help you understand a little better how you could alter it, etc.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2402 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would talk to her about it & explain why you feel uncomfortable wearing it. I don’t think bridesmaids have to LOVE the dress they’re in, but I would want to make sure that all of my bridesmaids at least like it. I was in a friend’s wedding and while the dress was ok, it’s not something I would wear over again.

    Post # 15
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    The thing I like about davids is I could say ok this collor and you guys pick your dress,, I had suggestions witch my bridesmaids went with what I picked,,I kept saying are you sure I want you to feel comfortable!!! they kept insisting they loved it and they were happy… I feel you should tell them how you feel and reminde them you know its her day and you dont want to be a pain in the … maybe she will be flexible ,, timming is everything with this conversation lol .. good luck hope things go a lil better with your situation

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