(Closed) Bridesmaid is MIA

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like she’s in college and not worried about your wedding. Is that right, probably not but shes your Future Sister-In-Law so having her stand with you doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re bffs. Tell her and her mom what she needs to do and don’t stress about her. She may not show up for getting her nails done, ect but I’m sure at the least she’ll be standing up there. 

Post # 3
Member
30392 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just keep sending her the information and stop there. She’s not  a child.

 

Post # 4
Member
617 posts
Busy bee

I guess I’m not entirely sure what the real problem is – she sounds a bit flakey and, yes, absorbed with her own life right now. Aren’t we all? If she’s a bit more absorbed by her own life right now than other people ….so what? It sounds like you’re expecting more from her than what she’s offering – more time communicating, quicker response times, more interest in your life, etc. She’s just not going to be the kind of ‘best friend/sister’ you are wanting her to be. Your best path to happiness is to accept her for who she is, particularly since she’s going to be in your life for the forseeable future.

Send any important info to both her and her mom, and then wash your hands of it.

Post # 5
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Honestly she just sounds self absorbed.  If you want to be sure she will be there on your wedding day I would make sure to fill her in on everything. The way I see it her mom is going to hold her hand and force her to do everything she is supposed to do to be IN the wedding in the coming days.  So using mom to kick her butt into gear may be your only option. 

She’s in college so she is young but she is also a grown up who will be entering the real world soon and who took on a responsibility and should probably act like it.

The situation you’re in sucks.  Sorry…

Post # 6
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee

I would just send her the info and not worry about it. if she were your friend I’d be worried about her showing up for the wedding, but since she’s your Future Sister-In-Law, she’ll be there. So I would just do what you’ve been doing and let that be it. There’s only so much you can do. 

I had something similar happen to me and I think some people just don’t realize how stressful planning a wedding can be, nevermind when you act as though you’re ignoring the bride.

Post # 8
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
MKWeddingBee:  Frankly it is none of your business when your FSIL’s parents start treating her like an adult. Stop worrying about it.

I also think your expectations are out of line. No one will change their personality because you decide to get married and make them a member of your bridal party. In your other thread you said she has always been flakey with communication. That is who she is and that is who she was when you made the choice to make her a bridesmaid.

You have a system that seems to work, contacting her mother, so why are you trying to force change and create stress for yourself? Just use the system that works.

Post # 10
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee

She sounds like a spoiled little child.  How old is she? geeeezzzzzzzz louise. 

 

Post # 12
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
MKWeddingBee:  Probably never hahah!  Not your problem though really.  Some people are just like that.  My roommate in college was like that and it used to drive me crazy.  Now I own a house, am engaged, have a full time job, paid off my car, etc.  and she still lives at home and feeds off of mommy and daddy so I just look at it as I’m better off 🙂

Post # 13
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
MKWeddingBee:  It is out of line to expect a known flakey person to change their ways just because you made them a bridesmaid. You knew she was flakey but you made the choice to make her a bridesmaid anyway. 

You keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. 

It is 11 days before your wedding and you are creating stress for yourself. Does it suck that she doesn’t reply, sure but it is not unusual behaviour for her. Stop worrying about it and creating stress and anger and go back to enjoying the exciting time the next 10 days will be. 

Post # 14
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Your expectations should simply be at this point that she shows up on time rehersal (if your having one), getting ready (if your BMs are going to get ready together) and ceremony. That’s it. What exactly do you need from her to respond back? 

How she gets there, none of your business. Who holds her hand to get there, none of your business. how she lives her life, isn’t mature, doesn’t pay her own bills, again NONE of your business. 

Stop stressing about what you cant’ control. She’s not changing she is who she is, let it go.  I totally agree with J_jaye. You have responsiblity in this to. I don’t understand why some brides always expect that people who historically haven’t “stepped up” or are flakey or distant, will all of a sudden change because of YOUR day? It never works out. 

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