- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
I was in a sorority and remained pretty good friends with the girl who became my little sis. Let’s call her Molly. We’ve always got on well, although she has a penchant for being negative and whiny, which drives me insane and has caused us to fall out in the past. When I started thinking about my bridal party, I considered asking her, though hesitated because:
1. She has an on-again/off-again boyfriend with a drug and alcohol problem whom I would not enjoy having access to our open bar if she brought him as a +1, and
2. I didn’t want to listen to her complain.
However, I’d never outright decided not to ask her and to make a long story short, I have no spine, so when she called me and said that she was excited to be one of my bridesmaids, I kind of stammered and did this:
My fault, I know, as a smarter person would’ve said, “Actually, I haven’t finalized anything, blah blah blah.”
Anyway, I recently selected the bridesmaids dresses that I would like all the girls to wear and they are the J. Crew Heidi dress in soft peach.
Admittedly, the dress is expensive ($250) so FI and I have openly offered to cover up to half of the cost depending on each girl’s budget. We thought $125 was reasonable and shoes are up to the bridesmaid as long as they are nude.
Well, this morning she messaged me and said: “$125 is really pricey if you also expect me to pay for airfare up to SF from LA!” She hinted that I should either change the dress or pay for hers outright, neither of which I am going to do. I’m a little miffed because FI and I are helping as much as we can but we can’t do more. She’s also suggested that because we’re paying close to $70K for the wedding that a few thousand more to cover the bridal party’s flights/lodging wouldn’t kill us. False!
Basically, while I understand her POV on the dress, I’m really worried that cost is going to become a bigger issue for her as things continue. My MOH is planning my bachelorette party in Vegas along with a bridal shower, we’ll be in SF for at least two nights in early summer so hotel prices will be higher, and obviously attire and flights will add up.
Molly refuses to tell me what her budget for the wedding is so I’m at a loss as to what she can actually afford. How can I talk to her about my concerns without offending her? I really do get the vibe that she expects me to offer to pay for her because of our sorority relationship and I just can’t do that. Should I offer her a get-out so she can step down if money is a bigger issue than she thought? Should I not say anything yet? Help?