Post # 1
I am in desperate need of advice. I recently got engaged and have asked the people I thought would be good attendants to be part of my wedding party. The only problem is that I have one bridesmaid that seems intent on taking over my wedding. When we were dress shopping she intentionally put down my other bridesmaids and made my Maid/Matron of Honor feel uncomfortable. SHe has pulled aside the other bridesmaids and has tried to get them to help her with planning things that I have told her my moh will be in charge of. She has even gone so far as to tell them to not include my moh and try to get as much done before the moh catches on.
After this event, I tried to tell her that I felt she was being a little pushy and needed to back off and let my moh, who is my sister, handle things. Then today she calls me up letting me know she has went to look at halls, called halls and called wine shops looking for deals. On the one hand I like that she is enthusiastic and wanting to help but she wont take the hint and back off. I feel like my fiance and i are being constantly bombarded by her and cant take the time to enjoy planning OUR wedding together. I dont want to hurt her but i need her to stop trying to take control of everything. i feel like I am one step from asking her to retire but do not want to hurt or possibly kill our friendship… HELP??? any ideas?
Post # 3
I have a similiar problem. I think you just need to keep in mind the reason you picked her in the first place and understand that her idea of "caring" is to be pushy and bossy. My bridesmaid that is similiar loves me, but she translates that by being a little TOO helpful and bossy. It sucks, but sometimes I think some people don’t realize they are being more annoying than helpful.
Post # 4
When I started reading your post I thought she probably doesn’t realize she’s overwhelming you. HOwever, the whole planning around your MOH’s back and rallying the other BMs to make concrete plans before your Maid/Matron of Honor finds out, is out of line.
I would really tell her you are glad she is enthusiastics about planning the wedding. Tell her whatever she’s enjoying researching, that she can send an e-mail maybe once a week, with all the links to the things she likes. And you will take a look and consider them when you get a chance. Be sure to thank her for her effort. If you think hse’ll dig it, why not ask her (with her great detective skills) to look into (fill in the blank)? She can spend time online looking into bridal bouquets and different flowers. Then get back to you on what she likes. Of course you don’t ever have to agree with her recommendations. But it will keep her busy. And maybe she won’t be cuaght up in trying to trump your Maid/Matron of Honor.
As for the sneaky acts, I think you’ll need to just tell her that your sister really needs to take charge. She’s your sister and has always wanted to do this for you. Maybe your sister can ask the BMs for opinions. But your friend shouldn’t be planning things behind anyone’s back.
Post # 5
You guys are all so sweet. It’s awesome.
I am going to be totally honest, when I read this it kind of cracked me up. I mean, who in the crap does that?
She definitely needs to back off abit and the underhanded stuff with leaving you sis outta the loop is the opposite of cool.
I’ve been the Maid/Matron of Honor that got blindsided by another evil bridesmaid before and it feels terrible. Is she married? Has she planned her own wedding? Is she dying to be able to do this for herself?
I absolutely can’t figure out why someone would be like that.
Post # 6
She could be doing it because it’s her way of showing she cares. Or, maybe she’s living vicariously through you planning things how she would like. You’ve told her to back off, but it sounds like you need to have another chat with her. Be specific about what is bothering you and maybe give suggestions about how she could change or even channel her energy towards something else. Maybe you can give her a job that’s all hers so it can keep her occupied while still letting her feel involved.
Post # 7
Put her in charge of something that doesn’t matter to you – like Out of Town guest bags – and it will make her feel better to "help" you and be in charge of something.