(Closed) Bridesmaid is trying to guilt me into invitng her Mother! (long vent)!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Are you giving your wedding party members a +1?  If so, maybe that’s your out.  Tell her that she gets to bring ONE guest and it’s her choice as to who – be that her mother or her boyfriend/SO (if she even has one). 

Other then that, I’d just simply tell her that you are sorry, but this was a decision that you and your FH came to together because both of you wanted these other friends there, and while you like her mother, there just isn’t room in the budget.

It sounds like she’s going to be a bit of a pain about this, so you have my sympathies and best wishes for it resolving amicably!

Post # 4
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow.  Well, didn’t you already tell S that her mother was invited?  And now you want to go back and tell her, actually we have some new friends we’d much rather have at the wedding than your mom?  Sorry, but I think that’s very rude.  Personally, my BMs were all close friends and their parents were all invited to my wedding.  But I guess S is just your “back up” bridesmaid and a “good friend, if you want to call her that”.  Ouch.  

Along the same vein, our guest list was the biggest stressor when it came to wedding planning.  I was convinced that the guest list was the only way to control our costs, so we cut a lot of people out that I now wish we would have invited.  It’s one of our only wedding regrets.  In the end, what’s an extra $1000 when you’re already spending so much?  I say invite your BM’s mother, and invite your friends.  

Post # 5
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@RoundtreeBee: No no, she never told S that her mother was invited.  She told them all along that she was NOT invited.

Post # 7
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Probably the best thing to do is compromise. Don’t invite the friends, but invite the mom. You’re doing S a favor who in turn did you a favor by stepping in late in the game. One more plate won’t break the bank, and sometimes it’s easier just to go along to get along. 

Post # 9
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I always thought it was good ettiquette to invite the parents of the bridal party and good friends. Maybe the mom could be on your B list? I don’t think the friend is being rude about asking if not inviting her mother is an oversite because it is common to invite the mother. Why can’t you invite her and the couple? I don’t understand why its them over her. I think its rude to tell your friend that you have chosen other people over her mother since she is a close friend and is stepping up when you need her the most. If anything, you should just say I can’t afford to include your mother, I hope you will understand and not even mention the other couple taking her place. 

Post # 13
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think anyone has to invite bridal party’s parents. That is definitely not customary in my area and I don’t even think it makes sense. I think you told S’s mom flat out that you weren’t able to invite her. I would just stick to your original  plan and leave the mom out. Tell S you’re sorry but you just don’t consider her mom a close friend.

Post # 14
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i’ve never heard that it is the norm to invite bridal party’s parents.  i’ve never even met some of my bridal party’s parents…

Post # 15
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Pupperoni: I’ve NEVER heard of that rule…either in real life…or on the ‘bee. A +1 I get…but now we are including parents of adults? I am going to have to disagree with you on that one.


@muckmoo1: If you and your Fiance are giving her a +1, that’s all that’s “required”. Your Bridesmaid or Best Man can choose to either bring her boyfriend or her mom. If you have the extra space for her mom, and it won’t cause you TOO much stress to invite her, then go ahead. Don’t feel like you have to though. 

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