(Closed) bridesmaid issue

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

You really don’t have any say in her decision to reproduce.  If she is in your bridal party and she gets pregnant, you have to deal with that.  If she is 6 or 7 months, she might not even be so big that she couldn’t wear a regular dress, just a size or 2 larger.  Also, your bridal party should be based on the people you want with you that day, not on what those people look like.  I think you are out of line.

Post # 4
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

yikes. i can definitely understand your situation and that it sucks to have someone in your Wedding Party be pregnant if you don’t want them to be; however, i think there are two things important to note here. First, you will be the ONLY bride. that means that the attention would still only be on you even if your entire wedding party was wearing white, or someone’s water broke right there on the altar. Sure, maybe a pregnant bridesmaid is a distraction, but it doesnt take away from the fact that YOU are the BRIDE!!! So I really don’t think you need to worry about not being the center of attention because you most definitely will be, no matter what! Second, I think that it’s easy to get caught up in ourselves and our lives as we’re focusing all our attention on what WE want, OUR day, etc etc- but sometimes it helps to step back and realize that for other people, this really is just one day, no matter how you cut it. I don’t think you should get overly upset with someone for wanting to live their life and still be in your wedding. She is being in the wedding to support you. If I were you I would do everything I could to let her know that you appreciate that support.. and let her be pregnant if she wants to be pregnant, or wear a maternity dress if she needs to wear a maternity dress. Or, at the very least, get a bigger sized matching dress and get it altered to whatever size she needs that day. If you REALLY don’t want her to be in your wedding if she is pregnant, I think you need to understand that that is going to cause a lot of hurt. Chances are if you asked her to be in your wedding it’s because you’re close to her, so why is it that just because she is going to be pregnant you can’t accept that? I would be really hurt if one of my friends was responding the way you’re responding. Like I said, I can definitely understand … but… I’d just try to get a little perspective on things. You’re going to be the bride come hell or high water, so know that, remember it, and hopefully it will help you relax. 

Post # 5
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

PS My friend has a Wedding Party of 6 and 4 of them ended up announcing they’re pregant. Her Maid/Matron of Honor is due a week before her wedding, with twins. She was REALLY upset and while it’s understandable, at a certain point I think you just have to accept that people have their lives to live, end of story. For my friend the thing she’s most upset about is that none of her Wedding Party will be able to do the bachelorette thing, and for that I completely understand, but she hasn’t asked a single one of them to step down. Like Amandopolis said, you asked them to be in your wedding for a reason.. I’d try to remember that reason if I were you. 

Post # 6
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Honestly…I actually have the total opposite problem as you initially.  My bridesmaid called me when she found out she was pregnant and would be about 7-8 months along by my wedding day, so she asked to step down.  I personally would have loved to have had her stand there anyway by my side, but I didn’t want her to feel pressured or uncomfortable.  I didn’t really care about what she would look like and would have happily made adjustments to my bridesmaid dress choice to have her there.

It turned out that it was a good thing anyway, because she called me 2 months later(perhaps part of it is the pregnancy, but somehow I doubt it knowing her) telling me she felt "insulted" and "offended" that  she wasn’t the Maid/Matron of Honor because I had "promised" her in college that she would be the Maid/Matron of Honor at my wedding(As background, that makes it about 10 years ago that this "promise" thing happened).  

I know that my bridesmaid WOULD have demanded a lot of attention to be paid to her because she is pregnant, but I also know that the rest of my bridal party would have kept her under control because they know it’s supposed to be my day.  If you really think that she’s going to try to take attention away from you purposely, get your bridal party involved.  

I’m ultimately saying that I understand your feelings, but if this is a good friend or close family member, I agree with amandopolis that you don’t have a right to tell her not to get pregnant, or to demand that she wear something uncomfortable or ill-fitting just to suit your needs. 

If anything, I would consider that you’re going to be stuck hurting her feelings no matter what – it sounds like you’ll likely get upset with her when the time comes to wear her dress, or when you decide to ask her to step down.  I would really think about this before jumping into anything and think about how you would feel if you were in her shoes.  Also, consider a bridesmaid dress that comes with an empire waist…they cover maternity bumps extremely well all the way until the end!

Post # 7
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’ll first say, I understand not wanting to have different dresses, or have someone be super pregnant, in pictures and all.  But with that said, I think if you make a stink about this, you will look like a bridezilla. 

If this is her first baby, she might not even show that much at say 6 months.  Also you can pick out a dress that’s empire waisted.  Or ask the bridal salon ladies.  It might be as easy as having her order a dress that’s a size or two too big, and altering accordingly.

Post # 8
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I have to agree with the others.  You don’t ask someone to be in your wedding party because they look a certain way, or because they won’t distract attention from you.  You ask them because they’re your close friends and you want them there with you!  I assume you picked this woman as a bridesmaid because you’re good friends.  Firing her because she wants to get pregnant does seem pretty harsh, I have to say.

Take a deep breath and figure out what’s really important to you — having 110% of the attention on "your day," or having your best friends there with you?  I do see how it could be annoying if you think she’ll be demanding special attention and treatment all day if she’s pregnant, but Tanya’s right — you can’t fire her or make a big stink without looking like a bridez*lla.  Pregnancy’s a part of life.

Post # 9
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I was just in a wedding where three out of four bridesmaids were pregnant, ranging from the sister of the groom at 7 months to me at 3.5 months. The Maid/Matron of Honor was 4.5 months but carrying pretty large already. Everyone but the groom’s sister wore a regular dress, and her maternity dress was essentially the same as ours but in chiffon… we wore Jim Hjelm empire waisted dresses, style JH5772.

Honestly, you look at the pictures and you can barely tell that one of us was wearing a different dress. The color and the styling was essentially the same, it was just the fabric that was different and it was cut to pouf in front rather than be snug. The MOH and I had the normal dress in a couple sizes larger than we usually wear… her belly filled hers out, mine was barely there, and the larger sizing higher up (cough) had been filled in by pregnancy growth as well. 🙂

The only thing that made the girl in the maternity dress stand out was that she sat down for the ceremony in a chair that was lined up with where the rest of us stood. No big deal. And you know, I thought it was pretty cute that so many of us were pregnant. When they did the grand entrance at the reception, the groom’s dad announced us coming in as "Groomsman John Smith and Bridesmaid Mary Jones… and also Baby Jones!!" Of course he was more excited than a DJ would be because one of the babies-on-board was his first grandchild, but still. All the guests loved it.

And my dear, dear friend the bride and her husband were definitely the stars of the show, despite the burgeoning bellies all around them. They were just so radiant and full of love and smiles and happy jitters all day long. You couldn’t help looking at them, they were so madly in love with each other and so happy to be married.

All that to say — you CAN have a pregnant bridesmaid, in a maternity dress even, and not have it steal your glory or attention. In fact, I find that the most glorious, stunning brides are the ones who are not worrying about having their glory stolen at all, and who are concerned about the comfort and happiness of their bridal party and guests. You might want, for your own sake, to reconsider your attitude about your wedding day… it is tempting to want to be the center of attention, but that will happen naturally. Don’t force it or put others down to achieve it because you’ll just make yourself look bad.

Since I can’t share pics of my friend’s wedding, I’d say go look at Mrs. Cupcake’s pics, as she had a very very pregnant bridesmaid, and I think her dress was almost exactly the same as the other girls. And when you go shopping for the dresses, talk to the salon consultant and ask to see styles that come in maternity versions, because they really can be so so similar to the normally cut ones.

Post # 10
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I have to say you are being a bit selfish.  You dont have a choice over someones procreation, and you’ve already asked her – it would be really rude to ask her to step down if she gets pregnant.  If it were me and I was pregnant and asked to step down, it might honetly be friendship breaking material.   My Matron of honor went through in-vitro a few months ago, after I had asked her to be in the Bridal Party, and I was THRILLED for her.  She will be 7 months pregnant, and while her dress is slightly different, it is similar enough that I doubt anyone will notice.  As for her seeking attention – Im sorry, but you’re the bride.  The bride is always the center of attention on her wedding day.  these are your friends, you should be thrilled that their lives are progressing and that other people might want to celebrate that as well.  I couldnt be happier that my MoH is pregnant, and the baby will be getting a special shout-out in the programs (ie – MoH Jessica (and Baby Jessica X!!) )  Long story short – youre the bride, you WILL be the center of attnetion, who cares if people know shes pregnant?

Post # 11
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you are overreacting.  You can’t expect people to plan their pregnancies around your wedding!  She also can’t expect you to choose maternity-friendly bridesmaid dresses if she isn’t pregnant yet!

As far as the dress goes, there is a lot to be considered.  When is your wedding?  How long has she been trying to get pregnant?  Is this her first kid?  All of these things will play into how pregnant she looks at your wedding.

The fact is, she isn’t even pregnant yet.  Choose your bridesmaid dresses and be done with it.  If she wants to order hers a few sizes larger so that she has room to have it altered for a baby bump, that’s her decision.

Post # 12
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You’re being selfish. The members of the bridal party are supposed to be the women closest to you. You should be happy for her and her family that they want to have a child. People are pregnant everyday and pregnant women are in bridal parties all the time. I think you need to take a step back, look at it objectively and move on. If she’s pregnant, so be it. The dress can be altered, more fabric added or a larger size purchased.

No one is going to take attention away from you on your wedding day. It’s going to be fine.

Post # 13
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Reverse the situation for a minute – you’re a Bridesmaid or Best Man and your friend, instead of being happy for you, flips otu and says she doesn’t want pregnant BMs and you need to wait till AFTER the wedding to have a baby. Seriously?

You chose these girls, I hope, because they’re important to you and you love them – not because they look pretty in matching dresses. They’re your friends and you want them to still be your friends after the wedding, not remember how awful and bridezilla you were and that you told them you didn’t want pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man because it didn’t fit your "vision"

Post # 14
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Reverse the situation for a minute – you’re a Bridesmaid or Best Man and your friend, instead of being happy for you, flips otu and says she doesn’t want pregnant BMs and you need to wait till AFTER the wedding to have a baby. Seriously?

You chose these girls, I hope, because they’re important to you and you love them – not because they look pretty in matching dresses. They’re your friends and you want them to still be your friends after the wedding, not remember how awful and bridezilla you were and that you told them you didn’t want pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man because it didn’t fit your "vision"

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