- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I have been contemplating on what to do with two of my bridesmaids.
Bridesmaid#1 We have been friends for about eight years now and about three years ago I have had an issue with her doing/ purchasing things the same as me. One scenario was at a store where we were shopping at, I pulled one top out and she immediately grabbed the hanger from me and said she wants it. No biggie so I let go. Another on the same day, She walked pass the fitting room that I was in and saw me trying on a dress. She saw me walking up to the cash register to pay for the dress and that is when she asked the sales person where that dress is. It even comes in different colours. She got the exact same one I got. Then she decided to bring it up to the cash register. We were with another bestfriend of hers and I said we cannot possibly have same everything to please not buy this. She said I do not care I am buying it. I like it. I was so upset that day that I had to finally tell her she cannot be copying like that. She said I am shallow that I am risking our friendship because of something so silly like that. She said so what if we have the same stuff. Friends do that. she even said when we had the same hair colour that she never said anything. I work at a spa then and every two months me and most of my co-workers change our hair colour for fun. We stopped talking after that because I felt like I have had it.
about a year later, that other best friend of hers got pregnant. So this Bridesmaid# 1 just started dating a guy then. All of a sudden she wants to get pregnant. Of all the years of being close friends we both were the kind to not get pregnant until we are much older. I only found out that she was so desperate to get pregnant because her other best friend had told me. I brushed it off and thought it was just a complete co-incidence. Just a few more months later she got pregnant.
Then came a day that my bf of six years had proposed. I asked her to be my bridesmaid because I want to forget all about the copy-cat drama. I was thinking I am, along with her other best friend are being silly. I still love and care for her as a friend and we are older now.
Then came my engagement dinner with at least a month notice and she couldn’t make it. A few days later, she and her baby daddy had a huge fight to the point that she walked out and packed her stuff. I told her that she shouldn’t just leave and to sit down and work it out with him for the sake of the baby. She said she doesn’t care, there is just no way. I was there for her and she even talked about how she wants her wedding and to not ever copy her with her wedding ideas. Yes, we are talking about this right after she walked out on him.
Then she asked me for following two days what I would be doing and I said I am meeting with the in laws to discuss wedding details and I have a bridal appointment the following day.
On the day of my first bridal appointment, she informed me that she told her baby daddy that she would only come back if he would commit to her/ marry her/ give her a ring or else she is taking their baby away. I advised her that although I am against her walking out on him I didn’t think forcing him to commit right now is a good idea.
All of a sudden the things that have happened from all came to mind. The Buying of the same dress. etc. I felt like I have been so blind all along. I thought for something as big as getting engaged that she would actually be happy for me and not try and force to be engaged at the same time. It even cross my mind that she intentionally created this whole drama just so she can walk out and use this situation and give him an ultimatum. My whole appointment was ruined. I couldn’t focus. I just somehow picked a dress, paid for it and walked out of the store.
Later that night she said a bunch of things that I couldn’t understand where it was coming from. There as just no logic to it. But I left it alone because I knew she was hurting and don’t want to be so judgmental.
A week later he proposed. She told me she was so shocked.
Just A few months before the wedding I am really torn if I should finally recognize that this friendship is toxic. Many other things of the same nature happened before this but I just thought for once, she can be supportive and make it about me.
I somehow feel like I cannot stand for her to be standing up there with me in my wedding day. I started thinking she didn’t want to come to my engagement dinner because she wasn’t engaged yet then.
I have tried the talking to her before and telling her how I feel and that is when she called me shallow and I only ended up thinking I am just crazy.
We have a lot of common friends and I have no idea what to do. We haven’t really spoken for awhile since I don’t really go to her and seek for her advice when I go through difficult times.
Has anyone else encountered this same problem?